healing
How to heal fully and properly.
Self Love - True Love
Lying on the bathroom floor with tears pooling below me all the cracks of my world began to show. The weight of every broken dream I once held in my heart for the man on the other side of the door made me sink further into the floor with despair. I was finally allowing myself to question who I had become, how did I get there. Had I really moved across an entire country for love? What was I thinking? The whole predicament was like a jagged puzzle piece that didn’t quite fit with the bigger picture. We had been living together for about eight months, yet there were so many things we didn’t know about one another. The clarity of that moment showed me that I was meeting a side of him I hadn’t predicted and it was quite possibly the very first time in my life that I lost trust in myself. I was never wrong about people, it was my super power. I thought back to the night we sat pinched together in that pocket sized wine bar in NYC when he accidentally spilled his glass of merlot into my lap. He was mortified which I found to be charming. It wasn’t a big deal to me, I was wearing all black, but you could see him calculating exactly how much the misstep would cost him. He had flown into town on a whim after a chance meeting we had a month or two prior. I was in Atlanta on a trip to see my sister through a breakup and in need to blow off some steam one evening we went out for drinks, that’s when I first met Damon. My sister introduced us actually, later having admitted she wished she hadn’t. When I said I was moving to Atlanta to give things a go with him she was only thinking of having me near. Whether or not the circumstances proved healthy for me in the long run was an afterthought. As for me I was deeply in love and ready for whatever came next. In the beginning everything was light and airy, full of promise and romance. Jet setting up and down the coast falling in love with each embrace. It all happened so fast, before either of us knew it we were picking out furniture together. Somehow it made sense to jump head first with that one and so I did. A whirlwind utopian love only to be lived to the fullest. In other words we were seizing the damn day and throwing all caution to the wind like the ignorant children we were. Young lovers playing house, living in a bubble. Older me crack a cynical smile at the thought of it all, but also appreciates the naivety of my younger self. She was in love like never before, good for her. Silly girl.
By Ezra 4 years ago in Motivation
Emancipation Of Mental Felo De Se
Words seem to have failed me from the moment I was born. I was barely a year old when I refused to speak and be heard with my own voice. If I was hungry or needed something from the kitchen counter for example, I would sign an adult with my body expressions for assistance or I would just climb a chair myself to fetch whatever it is that I was wanting to obtain. Memories of my early years are sometimes faint but are still embedded in my flesh and bones well enough for me to feel them again and believe it did come to past. Fast forwarding to my last year in high school, the least effort I had put into a subject was for my English class. I almost did not graduate on time if it were not for the supplemented grade bump our teacher generously offered to his students who barely scored a D+. And if I am truly being honest, I did not want to complete that extra task either, merely because I just did not care for this subject at all. But I turned the assignment in anyway because I was in need to save myself from beatings I was sure to encounter at home if I brought more shame to her and the family. My name is Aimee Ortega. I am using my least strongest attribute to tell a story, Our Story. My mother once angerly advised me, while crying my 7 year old snot out after being scolded by her, “if you can’t say it, write it down!”. I was not sure whether to take this advice as a stepping stone or if it was only meant to stone me to the ground, but I was, to say the least, very angry at her for giving me mixed signals from the moment I was challenged to question what it means to be home. I wrote what I thought I needed to write at that moment of emotional distress but I have not written anything like it since, at least, not for a very long time. Now, at the age of 35, I managed to make the most of my experiences and I now write for personal healing from my past and free myself from my own mental prison that I have locked myself in for a very long time. This is my tell-all-tale and I will begin at my first end.
By Aimee Ortega4 years ago in Motivation
My Stubborn Little Heart.
Today is the day ! It finally starts sinking in. My life is no longer as it was and looks like it isn’t going to be changing anytime soon either. It’s a tough pill for me to swallow . Stuck I cry . A year in recovery , physical therapy , chiropractic care , and injections here and there when does it stop? A pill for this a supplement for that , before you know it you can create a chain of all the pill bottles across your night stand. I get a little better then just like that something makes everything flare up again and every flare up just feels even worse . Life changing? absolutely! Sugar and caffein are a thing of the past. Suddenly I’m eating things I really don’t like and doing anything that promotes healing, or helps with inflammation and the joint pain or nerve damage ! Joint pain is a gift that keeps giving , constantly there to remind you . There’s many things you can do to help with symptoms most are temporary but it never truly goes away. Like that bully when your younger that says “ Just stay down kid” , while they stand there eagerly ready to knock you right back down the second you even try to get up again. There it is the second you open up your eyes to the moment you close them at the end of the day. One of those things that chips away at you till you eventually start to feel defeated, broken down and depressed . Is this it I think ? Is this why I survived the accident and pneumothorax both these traumatic experiences within a couple months of each other in one year, to end up nowhere with nothing ? My mind wanders off on these little tangents at times . There’s that little voice of reason that always clicks in at just the right time and says, “ I survived because I am still capable of doing so many good things “. What if all the traumas are part of the master plan that is shaping and molding me for the person I need to be for the roles I’m meant to play out? The spark that refuses to go out. Surely my life has changed for what I don’t know. I have to stay in my lane and focus while I’m figuring this out.
By Christina Nicole 4 years ago in Motivation
Immunocompromised
One day I was living life–at the peak of my career, sweating it off at my orange theory classes, loving my independence while I traveled and enjoyed the company of friends and family. I was in the light and suddenly the switch was flipped. I was not prepared for the darkness that surrounded me. I fell to my knees while I gasped for air as this unknown entity tried to take over my body.
By Ali SP4 years ago in Motivation
My Housemate Fell Through a Ceiling and I Fell for a Boy
Part 1. The most beautiful eyes I had ever seen were heading straight towards me, attached to arms wielding a tray full of paninis and coffee. There were customers sat at the tables outside the coffee shop where he worked and as I stood there in the queue, him about to walk past and out the front door, I knew that this was my opportunity.
By em4 years ago in Motivation
How gossip and secrets trigger depression and anxiety
Whispers, innuendos, drama, negativity, outright lies dressed up as well-meaning comments… All these things are part of your lives, and once you take part in actions related to them, you will soon feel their effects.
By Amy Christie4 years ago in Motivation
What leaving America taught me
As I sit at the table writing this, I am amazed at the peace that has washed over me. Leaving the United States has been the best thing to happen to me. With the killing of black men, women and children and the increased violence against innocent hard-working people by whites in a stolen country where I was born has made me jaded, hurt, and angry.
By Treina Payton4 years ago in Motivation
Life Has Surface Noise
There have been a lot of not great things happening recently that I have been linked to in a remote fashion that have been traumatic for others. We want our life to be perfect , I certainly want mine to be perfect, but when someone or something you love is taken from you it is an almost impossible situation to deal with. All of a sudden the connection is broken and can’t be fixed.
By Mike Singleton 💜 Mikeydred 4 years ago in Motivation
Surviving Homelessness During COVID-19
I normally don’t share my struggles, or things I’ve been through. With Covid-19 and how everyone was going through the same thing made me give in. Before COVID-19 I was a gig worker/small business owner. I really enjoy the work I do. During covid I faced so many struggles and battles with depression I just wanted to give up. I couldn’t tho the more I look at my son I felt like a failure. Not because I wasn’t a good mom but because my finances slowed down to the point I didn’t even know where I next meal was coming from. I would cry every night praying something would come thru. Months wants by sales declined and I has to choos between my car or having a place to live. That was a hard choice because I needed my car my business and personal life. One month after letting my car go back my sales increase. Exciting news right :). Yeah I thought so too but I was getting scammed. People would order online wait to get there things and call the bank to dispute charges. So not only am I losing money now I’ve lost merchandise that could have feed my family and I have extra bank charges because of the disputes. Now I’m in the negative with no clue how Ima pay my rent now. I can longer afford my business due to the scammers I don’t have money for food or rent in my mind I’m like “oh no now I’m a super failure” in reality I wasn’t because I never gave up. So I went online found a few odd work from home jobs. Wasn’t paying much money just enough for me to have money to get food. I worked a few hours made about 100 calls only about 20 people answered that was a cool $50 bucks. I would walk 3 miles each way to get groceries since I didn’t have a car. Now I’m feeling better about myself and continue to work odd jobs for money. It’s like 10 am I hear a loud knock at my door “BOOM BOOM BOOM”👀 I jump up 🗣CONSTABLE OPEN UP” 😵in my mind I’m like I ain’t opening the door. So I wait I’m thinking maybe he’ll leave. Nope he bangs again this time even harder “BOOM BOOM BOOM 🗣CONSTABLE OPEN UP” In my mind like well he ain’t the police so I really ain’t got to 🥴 He leaves 😁 little did I know he’ll be back tomorrow. A week goes by nothing at this point I’m scrambling trying to figure out how I can make a arrangement for my rent. I get another sale for over $1k I was turnt you hear me 😂. I was like this is it. Nope scammer got me again for my merchandise I was so pissed I looked up the address to see where they stay at. Y’all how come it was nothing there no house or nothing 😵. So from that moment forward I looked up all my sales to make sure it at least had some type of structure a house or sum ya kno if I it look fishy I just cancel the order. That’s how feed you I was at this point. Now im super depressed we been quarantined for months at this point I got so bored I stared working out going for walks all to ease my mind from everything going on around me. Two weeks pass im out for a early morning run I come back guess who at my door. Yup the constable I just walk pass like Iont even live there lol this time he left a paper on my door. I wait for him to walk off I grab the paper it says 🧐“EVICTION NOTICE COURT DATE SEP 2020” 😵 my heart felt like it stopped beating a few beats I was stuck in that spot holding back tears as my son look at me. I just didn’t know what to do. I knew I couldn’t catch up in time and how can I move with no money 😔 I felt so low at this point. I couldn’t ask anyone for help. Maybe my pride couldn’t ask but a switch went off in my body like look you gotta do sum. I continue to work my odd job until I have about $500. Now I know that’s not a lot but keep listening then where I turn into a hustling beast. With that money I made I needed a car. You can’t get no car for no $500. So I rented one. I rent the car I start gig working 12 hours a day I would do nothing but drive. Now at this point I already went to court and we have a week until they force us out. I stayed up until that morning I left before the constable came and saved money not going to a hotel. I left behind most of my furniture and all of our food we did have. We loaded up in the car and left. This was super hard because not only is my son doing at home school but now his teacher is asking about his background and why he always in the car. I was really said to hear my 8 yr old lie and say its because I’m working but in reality we would have to check out of our room at 11. The remainder of the day I worked to get another hotel room for that night. We stayed in different hotels for a month and a half before I made enough money to get us a new place. The day finally came I went online applied and got approved for our new apartment. I didn’t tell my son I wanted to surprise him especially since i got him his own room.This was the first time in my life I’ve cried tires of joy. I’ve never seen my kid smile so big. I didn’t have any furniture but I had a home we was so excited I didn’t have any pans.I think I used foil to cook our dinner that night lol . Shid we did not care after all we went thru. I got a few air mattresses and called it a night. Now I can go to work and my son has a comfortable place to do his schooling. I was so afraid for him because I know he was under a lot of stress but he passed his school work. Christmas break comes I still didn’t have a lot of funds to work with since I was bouncing back but I got my son sister and nephew a small gift got the holidays nobody complained everyone was great full. That made me feel even more better. I continue to work then one day my sister calls like” Hey you have a check here” I think I was driving like a bat out of hell tryna get there 😂. It was my stimmy 😝 I was like dang should I spend should I invest it 🧐 what should I do? I spent $600 I ain’t gone lie lol the rest I invested into dogecoin. Now what I do that for Iont know nun bout stocks. What you doing girl here you again wit dis bs lol. My risk taking ahh dis it any way and made more than double what I put in 😵 I was shook ya hear me lol. I woke up to my account being up I jumped up out da bed so quick I almost broke my neck lol. My son comes running” Mom you okay” I showed him my phone he gone say “yesssir we up again now I can get a Ps5” 😂😂it be ya own kids😭 it ain’t even been der dat long and you thinking bout how to spend it 😂😂. That’s when I told him I can either buy you a Ps5 or reinvest and you’ll have enough to buy millions of Ps5 if you want to. He said put it back 😂😂😭 If he ain’t learn nothing else he learned poor spending habits can make you poor regardless of the amount of money you make. We all have our peak harvest seasons and droughts. It’s okay just remember to put back. COVID-19 brought many struggles with many more lessons and I’m thankful for not giving up. I had to hit the rest button a few times. This was one of my hardest battles as a single mom. One I love most because me and my son have a unbelievable life now some days I wake up like “ Dis is nice all of this is you🧐” it feels so unrealistic.
By Jassy Escobar4 years ago in Motivation
Picture This
As I stare at a photo on the mantel in my living room, my eyes begin to well and I can taste the salty tears that moisten my lips. A knot forms in my throat and silences me like a stern “hush” from my mother. Anger covers me with wicked serenity. Confusion, hurt, and helplessness open a time capsule to the worst season of my life.
By Latoyia Thomas 4 years ago in Motivation
