Starting Over

Disclaimer: The following is a journal and the content is based on the authors perspective and opinion and is not to be taken as fact in regards to current world events (ie. Pandemic). This is merely the authors thoughts and experiences in regards to where the world is at. The comments made should not be taken as fact nor is it to be taken as offensive as we all experience the world differently. It should also be noted that the author has started a blog and some of the writing in this piece is and will be similar to what is written in authors blog.

I am starting over again. The last five months have been crazy and I barely remember how I even got to this point. The world is absolutely crazy and I am not sure how I plan to navigate myself in this new earth. I truly lost and with not much of direction. So, I am starting here, writing to share my experience in hopes that there is someone out there that is going through something similar and by reading this, they will know that they're not alone.

Five months ago, I had a severe collapse in my mental health that was quite extreme. I experienced paranoid delusions, I became suspicious of everyone around me, I wasn't eating nor sleeping. When I did sleep I would have very intense dreams. I eventually walked away from a job that I had had for 17 years, I sent my son to live with his father, gave up my home and my belongings and found myself in the psychiatric unit for two days at my local hospital. I ended up renting a room from a cousin who had mental health instability issues herself and now I am renting a new apartment and looking for a job that pays enough to live off of.

I submitted my resume to my former employer and one of the positions I could take is with a long term care facility with the same hours as I worked before but the catch is I have to be COVID tested every week. I am not at all comfortable with being tested since I found out that there are nano particles embedded in the swab these testing centres are using. Crazy as this sounds but it's true. There are multiple ways to test for a virus and I have been uncomfortable and perturbed with the method being used since this pandemic started. So now I am apprehensive about whether I should be going back to work for this company. Not that I blame the company, but I am not comfortable with someone swabbing anything that close to my brain. I am not a fan of the "vaccines" either since there have been numerous injuries and deaths associated with the vaccines. I feel like this pandemic has me trapped with nowhere to turn to. I am currently on employment insurance and it won't last forever. I am hoping there will be some hope with the vocational service in finding an occupation that won't put my safety, my health and well-being at risk for the sake of a job.

I have been creating a journal directed at God asking for guidance. The idea came to mind to give writing another try and maybe share my journey of starting over with others. Maybe someone out there is going through the same thing and may feel comforted knowing that they're not alone in this shaken world that is crumbling before our eyes. How does one navigate oneself in a new way? I am not very good at thinking outside the box. I prefer routines and familiarity so I am walking in a whole new territory.

So how do I make my way through all of us? What path do I take? In what direction do I go in? For now, I start with my new home. Unpack, clean, organize. I don't have any furniture so I am going to use the law of attraction to manifest what I need (insert eye wink emoji here). First item to manifest, bedroom furniture. Two beds and a couple of dressers to start. They say you have to place your order with the universe and let the universe deliver what you're asking for so we'll start with some bedroom furniture.

Of course, before the furniture can come I have to paint my room and clean up the walls. Can't make space for furniture when the bedroom walls are in need of paint and I can't really paint around furniture. The tenants before me were complete slobs. Told the landlords that I would clean and paint the walls. I didn't want to wait to move in as I didn't want to sleep on my best friends couch anymore. Not that I am not grateful to her and her husband. Without them and my daughter and her boyfriend, I don't know what I would have done. I have nothing but gratitude for them all. They got me out of a really toxic situation. This is starting over. This is what it is all about. Having a starting point and going from here.

I invite you the reader to follow along with me as I begin this new life path into the unknown. Let's see where I end up and how well it works out for me. I'm 44 years old, I have two children and three grandchildren and the clock is ticking away. Needless to say, time is of the essence. I don't plan on wasting a second.