Something Unspoken

What does "adulting" mean and why do our parents think it's so funny to say "Adulting is hard huh?" Just hold it. Stop. It's not funny. Here is the actual answer to that question. Your parents laugh at you and your "adulting" attempts because you're finally in on the biggest joke of your life. Here is the punchline. There is no such thing as a real adult, all of it is a lie. The real definition of "adulthood" is to lie.

I'm not writing this article to whine about how hard being grown is, or how unfair "real life is," and I'm certainly not validating you for being lazy scum. If you wanted that kind of article, go read the New York Times. All I wanted was to point out the lie. The lie is that 'adults' know what they're doing. They don't, and if you believe they do, you've been lied too as well.

I'm talking about that fracturing moment of cognitive dissonance. That breathless dizzy feeling when you're walking down a busy street in a sea of 40 year olds, and God smites you where you stand with the knowledge... Holy Sh*t, these people are just tall children. You realize that everyone is the same, and everyone has the same flaw. No one knows anything, and everyone pretends to know everything.

The illusion begins when you are a small-squishy thing, and you rely on an 'adult' to nourish you with that rich t*tty milk. As part of our survival on earth we rely on the tall humans to take care of small humans. It's part of Erik Erikson's stages of development; a child develops trust in their 'adult' parents during infancy. So you aren't stupid for trusting in "adults." It's just the way humans are.

It is an odd experience as you transition from adolescence, to preteen, to teenager, to young adult to...? Your whole life you've been waiting for someone to tell you the secret, the answer to a question you never knew you were asking. When will it happen? When will the illusive Adult Fairy wave their magic wand and make you one of them? If you haven't guessed by now, it hasn't happened yet, because it never will.

And it truly is a god damn blessing that we-- in fact-- have no idea what the f*ck is going on. It's liberating to come to this conclusion. It's the product of a free society. It is the trouble of the privileged. It's our god given right.

"What the f*ck is going on?"

"I don't know and it's awesome."

The problem is that no one talks about it, or better yet, no one wants to admit it. Not only do adults lie, but it seems to me that they've believed in the past lies of their parents, and try to believe their own lies. It's like no one these days is willing to take a look around and think, "huh... I have no idea what I'm doing." It's this lack of admittance that troubles our society.

I'm not a religious person, but I think there is wisdom in the idea of repenting our sins in order to be forgiven by 'God.' If our sins are our mistakes, then I think it's absolutely necessary to acknowledge them, and to forgive, so that we may grow. We've lost touch with the very human experience of making mistakes. As a result, "We don't make mistakes." This is the mantra of the modern adult.

The fear of making mistakes produces a toxic culture which hides under the guise of **~Validation~**

"Yaaaaaaas Queeeeeeen! Slaaaaaayyyy."

No queen. Go home and clean your room. My claim of "toxic culture" comes from requiring people to be right all the time, even when they're wrong. Now the world is a place where you HAVE to validate someone, or your out. A good example of this kind of "culture" is Sabrina on Netflix. The Youtuber Friendly Space Ninja sums it up very well in his video, "Chilling adventures of Sabrina: A frustrating waste of potential." He points out how uninteresting, and how unlikeable the main character Sabrina is, and why it destroys the show because the main character is simply incapable of making mistakes and therefore never learns from her mistakes.

This is actually a huge problem. The ideology of never making mistakes is taking over speech, taking over friendships, taking over art, taking over our lives. We are in hell. We are stressed out, we are spread thin, we are making plans and cancelling them just to lay on our beds and watch youtube. We are guilty, we are sad, we are angry, and we have no one to blame but ourselves.

Let me tell you something. It's not your f*cking fault. Okay, it's partly your fault. You and me are also apart of the bigger problem: society's obsession with perfection. It's making us crazy. It makes us suicidal. This is real talk.

Perpetuating the lie of adulthood has created a generation of narcissists, and incredibly insecure adults. People are starting to realize that none of it adds up. Adults aren't the experts. People are people and we know a lot, and simultaneously know very little. We have to go back to basics. How do we "adult" in this world of children?

The first step to cognitive dissonance is realizing the lie. My first experience with this abrupt awakening was during my senior project when I asked my two favorite teachers why they wanted to become teachers.

"I could think of nothing more fulfilling than shaping the minds of the youth." The first teacher said with a practiced smoothness to her voice. This teacher was a divorced 31 year old, with a 7 year old kid.

"I was doing a secretary job for a while, and I didn't really know what to do, and I don't know I just kind of just decided." The second teacher said with indecision and a little bit of guilt. She is happily married with two beautiful daughters and she goes on trips and drinks beer.

Which of these two answers seems more honest? Which of these two teachers seems happier? Which answer was perfect, and which answer was messy? Do you see what I mean with the lie? It is my firm belief that honesty is the always the best policy.

I've reflected on those answers and have since decided that one of those teachers is no longer my favorite, and that teacher believes her own lies. Your parents will think it's funny when you fail and they'll text you, "Isn't adulting fun?" It's not their fault that they're cruel. They waited 18 years to tell you how miserable they've been. They use a pithy word like "adulting" to communicate how stupid it all really is.

True freedom comes when you stop believing in Santa Clause, and that mystical 'adulthood.' If there is anything that is true in a world of lies it is failure. Believe in your mistakes. Believe that you will learn and grow. Believe that you will f*ck up. Stand up to the stupid as*holes that think they're perfect. Scream at the entitled pedestrian who almost dies by your bumper because they weren't looking. Make them look like fools, and be a fool yourself.

If you are alive congratulations, you're an adult. That is the only criteria. That's what it means to me. You just have to stay alive. Everything else is just noise.

And if you don't...

Don't worry about it. You're perfect queen.