Toby's Adventures

Part 2: To the Caves

Wolfe's car is incomparable to Toby's beat up 1991 Chevy Astro. The car ride is smooth and even on the winding roads, barely making a sound. His envy simmers with every acceleration, as the engine's effortless purr burns in Toby's mind. His own van pops, like a gunshot, if he tries to go twenty too fast. Wolfe's car reaches 60 in an instant, without a single complaint.

It's irritating because Toby worked his ass off in school, and all he has to show for it is a crappy van, student debt, disappointed parents, and an unshakeable case of self loathing. Success was never Wolfe's style, so what changed between then and now? More importantly... why does Wolfe have Toby's dream car, while he has nothing?

"So... how has school been?" Dan questions from the passenger seat.

"Not too bad. In person classes got cancelled cuz of COVID, but other than that it's just peachy." Toby replied.

"How many years you got left?"

"I don't know. I was going to graduate this year, but I switched my major last minute, so I don't know when I'll be done."

That's a lie. Another three years... that's how long it will take to graduate now.

"Okay then! What classes are you taking right now?" Said Dan continuing the conversation.

Toby tried not to grind his teeth at the question.

"I'm not taking any right now."

"You quit?!" Wolfe's surprised shout comes from the driver's seat.

"I didn't quit, I'm just taking a break!" Toby answered, instinctively crossing his arms.

"Oh... when are you going back?" Wolfe asked, unaware of Toby's discomfort.

"I don't know. I'm just taking time to reassess what I want before I go and waste more money on bullshit classes."

"What happened to being a therapist? That's all you cared about in high school, you even said it in your nerd-victorian speech at graduation." Dan turns around with his arm on the seat and faces Toby.

"Psychology is a bullshit profession. College just proved it to me."

Elizabeth and her advisor proved it to me. She'll get her license to practice this year...

"Amen brotha!" Pete pipes in next to him.

"Shut up Pete. You don't know anything about psychology."

"I know that it's bullshit. I don't need to pay someone to talk about my problems. That's what I have you for. You're my cheap slut" Pete says pinching Dan's cheek. Dan pushes Pete's arm away and smacks him on the forehead.

They are like children. Toby thinks to himself.

"What major did you switch too?" Wolfe says making eye contact with him in the rearview.

"I switched to English."

"I guess that explains living with your parents." Says Pete chuckling.

Toby doesn't answer. Every time he has the "college-talk", it feels like someone is pulling out his nerves and running them through a meat grinder. His parents won't shut up about it,

"You had one more year! Why would you give it up? All of our life savings wasted on a girl?"

He's stuck.

Do a job I don't believe in for the rest of my life? Or start over, at the very bottom again?

Elizabeth and her advisor are the real therapists of the world, and he would rather be a drop out than a fraud.

Toby's silence killed the conversation in the car. He didn't have the energy to pick it back up again, being too busy with his self-hating narrative. The car slowed down, and Wolfe turned onto a dirt road. The sound of gravel filled his ears, while he spun in circles with his thoughts.

After minutes of awkward silence He couldn't take it anymore. What's worse? Talking about his failures out-loud? Or being stuck with them inside his head.

"What about You? What's up with you?" Toby asks Wolfe.

"Do you mean like, what's up with today? Or like the past 4 years?" Wolfe asks, searching for Toby's eyes in the rearview. Toby holds his gaze with immense interest, until Wolfe looks away again to focus on the road.

"The past year is probably a good place to start."

"It's been good. It's been busy, but I have fun and make time for friends."

"Oh. Yeah that's awesome." Toby says scratching his neck.

"Ya'll are honestly acting so awkward." says Dan looking between the two of them.

"Can you guys kiss already and get it over with?" Chimes Pete.

Toby was getting ready to punch Peter in the arm when Wolfe interrupted his train of thought.

"Lets just catch up on all that stuff some other time." Wolfe says brushing off the conversation.

"Agreed." He said Toby.

Now is not the time to confront the fact that he ghosted his best friend for 4 years. Not just his best friend. His best Friends

Toby leans on the window and watches the scenery he grew up seeing all his life. It is the most familiar place in the world, but everything looks different.

"We gotta snipe us a treasure fellas" Wolfe says in his terrible western accent.

"Onto the treasure hunt. The coordinates lead us to Kleintzer caves, but we don't know which cave it will be in, so we'll have to keep our eyes open for some clues." Pipes Dan.

"We are going in the caves?" Toby said trying to keep his voice casual.

"Oh yeah... we probably should have mentioned that." Peter says turning to Toby. Pete's knee digs into Toby's thigh. There is very little room in the back seat which is extremely agitating to Toby. "Are you still claustrophobic?" Pete asks. Yes.

"I'll be fine." Toby says shortly.

They drive for a little while. For the most part Toby stays quiet, listening to the group bounce off of each other. He takes a hit from his Juul. It takes them twenty more minutes to reach the caves.

"I think we should check out the sign first and see if someone left a clue."

Wolfe and his friends and Toby get out of the car. The sky is grey and dreary and the wind gnaws through Toby's worn sweatshirt. He should have brought a bigger jacket. The wind seems to gather cold from the patches of snow on the ground, like it is on an easter egg hunt, and delivers it to Toby's face, neck, and back, where there are holes in his jacket.

He has a choice. Shiver and show his weakness, or put on the stupid hat, another sign of weakness. Another gust of wind torments his bare neck. He swallows his pride and angrily puts on the teenager-grease-stained hat. Fuck. It's cold. It's wet. This is absolutely miserable.Why did I agree to this?

The sign for 'Kleintzer Caves' looks to be on it's deathbed. It moans and putters in the wind, and Toby's brain unfairly associates the sight with his grandma. The paint and letters have been withered away. Partl from wind, and partly from a town that doesn't care about history, or old things. He tries shaking the thought of his grandma, but it stuck. His grandma is dying in the hospital, and he's staring at this sign with graffitied penises and L+C scratched into the wood.

Unaware of Toby's mental break-down, the boys walk to the sign and begin investigating. Toby follows their lead as they kick dirt around, and lift up rocks, looking for a clue.

"Okay, what now Donny?"

Toby cringes at the name Donny, but doesn't say anything.

"I don't know this was your idea Dan."

"Don't look at me. I was surprised we got this far."

"Should we just pick a cave?" Toby asks the group, secretly hoping they say no.

"We should check all of the caves!" Pete says, annoyingly optimistic.

"That would take days! That's too hard." says Dan.

"Have yall ever done this before?" Toby asks seriously.

"No." They say at the same time.

He tries not to show his annoyance, but at this point it's just how his face looks.

"Did you at least bring flashlights?"

There is a short pause.

"No." One of them answers.

"So how are we going to see anything?"

"I figured we could use the flashlights on our phones." Peter said kind of shrugging.

"What if our phones die?"

"Our phones aren't going to Die. Stop being a pussy."

"I just wish yall would have thought this through before inviting me."

"How is thinking things through going for you?" Wolfe says smirking.

Don't show how much that hurt you goddamned sensitive bastard.

"It worked for your mom last night."

Before they could argue Dan steps forward with a bag dangling in his fingers. It had a blunt with a smoldered end and a lighter.

"Despite what Toby thinks, I did come prepared."

He wants to point out the obvious, that none of them have changed. They are the same dumb stoners he left behind for bigger and better things. Toby watches in silence while Dan pulls out the blunt and tries to light it. The wind snuffs out the flame with each flick.

"A little help..." Wolfe says beckoning to Toby.

Wolfe, Dan, and Toby stand in a semicircle with their hands cupped around the lighter acting as a shield from the wind. They could have finished the wind shield without him, but they left a space open for him, which is why they couldn't light it. At that moment they stared at him, waiting for his response.

Toby fought an internal war. A small part of him longed for this. He craved human connection, to hang out with his old friends, and to let everything go. Then there was the other part of him which was angry. Everything he's done in the past few years has led to this moment. He is a failure. Why did Wolfe randomly come back into his life, if not to drag him back to the low life.

Still, Toby scooted closer to the huddle and cupped his hands to complete the wind guard. It's not worth thinking about. If his friends were still cool with him, even after everything, then he should stop being a bitch and chill. Dan got the blunt lit. He sucked in smoke, passed it to Wolfe, sucked in another breath of air, and released. When the blunt reached Toby he inhaled and immediately started coughing.

"That's okay. Coughing gets you more high remember?" Wolfe says smiling. He looked at Toby genuinely happy. Toby felt a little happy too. It has been forever since he's smoked with friends. It's been forever since he's smoked period.

"My ex didn't like it when I smoked. She said it made me act different."

"Did you act different, or were you just being yourself?" Peter says inhaling.

"Right!" Toby says still coughing. "She was probably annoyed that I liked something else that wasn't her." He passes it back to Dan who takes another hit and then passes it to Wolfe, who also takes another hit and passes it to Peter. By the time it reaches him again he had finally stopped coughing. He tries again. The smoke rolled in dry and strong. He feels high instantly. Nice.

"I think we should just go into the main cave and if we don't find anything we'll go back, or something."

"I like that idea." Toby said passing it again, keeping the circle going. It made its way around a couple more times. By the time they stopped he was blitzed. Dan crouched down to tap out the blunt on the gravel.

A gust of wind strikes Toby from Dan's empty spot. He clenches his teeth and pulls the hat down as far as it would go.

"Lets get going cowboys." He says while walking to the main cave with a newfound confidence.

"You heard him fellers--Lets go get us a treasure." Wolfe says grinning.