Repeat After Me (You are a Writer)

Today, I decided to go to church. For some strange reason, I felt it in the spirit to trust the place that caused so much confusion and hurt. I been here before and experience heartbreak, anxiety, depression, neglect, and to keep it short…church hurt. Yet, what do I have to lose? I could had sat all day in the hotel room looking at professional wrestling, popping cough drops like candy, and wonder why I even looking at the computer screen. However, I needed to escape out of my head. So, my wife got the car ready, no fancy church clothes but we came as we were. Driving through the hardships of Mobile looking for the light at the end of this dark tunnel.

The church was hurting just as much as we were. Isolated in the depth of a crumbling society, but the inside was full of rejoice and prosperity. Only a few members including the lady that was going to work with my wife, but man always has the end results towards anything in life. Sitting down in the chair hearing the hymns and spiritual gospel was pleasant, but strong in the soul. Topics include knowing what you want, getting over your pessimistic thoughts, and realizing that god already has the plan in order. My broken heart needs healing, I am not going to lie…I’m on the verge of questioning my faith. My son put the two dollars in the tithe offering and the prayers were over us. I got anointed and fell on my knees like an angel with broken wings. I am born again, until the next issue that comes in life. Food was offered after service, but I received more than just a dinner roll. I received a powerful word. I was looking in Indeed, but not at the gift that was in front of me from the start. My book, my blog, and my creative mindset all lost in the progress of avoiding homelessness. The pastor spoke to me while I was eating my meal. Job opportunities surrounding me in this new found city, but we go back to the beginning…and that is writing. He wrote a book without fear of what people may think, or even if they are going to read it in the first place.

Yet, he managed to self publish and allow god to do the rest. Before that day I was thinking job applications, retail hell, and money to get out of this situation, but not if I was happy or not. I was happier writing blogs and keeping in touch with you all. I was happier editing my book and listening to some Jazz music. I was enthusiastic at going to libraries and experiencing different forms of literature, instead of the thought of clocking in and out. Hell, when I used to work at Best Buy, the best part of the job was when I took breaks at Barnes and Noble.

BOTTOM LINE IS THAT I AM A WRITER! I do not need no publisher, no company, or any form of direction in my words, because I know who I am. Just like a koala knowing what it desires and that is eucalyptus leaves. I crave paper with words on it. I love digital canvas with a keyboard to type away on. I desire the passion that goes into writing because hurt people create powerful stories. We are addicted to drama, so I welcome the barrage of hell that I endured and probably will continue enduring. Comedians suffer but the writing is potent, authors are insane but holy shit that book is a best seller. So it is time to put down the doubts, and put up the results. If you are a struggling writer, then this post is for you. Don’t give up! What is the worst that can happen to you, if you did not put your soul into the pages from the get go? You could hold onto the New York Times hit, but you are thinking with a small town insecurity.

It is time to pack it up, head to a place to make that money, and not look back at the small town thoughts. Basically…just accept the fact that you are a writer and that will never change, because it was spoken in existence the moment you picked up the pen in grade school….