Rekindling My Dream

This year, I think for possibly the first time, I created some resolutions. And hopefully I'll remember to write “2025” when putting the date on things – it’s no longer 2024! But that’s a different issue born from mindless habit.

I’ve made six resolutions. While most are small, there a couple which will set my life on the path I wish to travel (hopefully my travel sickness doesn’t apply for metaphorical travel). I may as well start with the biggest one: publishing a book. I have written a few stories reaching over one hundred thousand words. Six of them to be exact, with a new work in progress rising above twenty thousand (no idea how I’ve managed to do that). They’re all stored on my laptop and forever in my head. Every day I think about all of them, as well as several more I wish to write. Something always sparks an idea, or reminds me of one of the characters, and then my daydreams take me far away into a world no one else knows.

I’m aware of my delusions and I know publishing takes a while, whether it’s traditional or self-publishing. So, I decided to break it down into two achievable goals. For the first half of the year, I wish to polish the draft of one of these stories into a state where I’m happy to send it off for beta reading. The feedback they’ll provide will be invaluable, and it’s something I desperately need. I’m not the best writer; I’m more of a creator. I stumble where most would breeze through (I still have to look up what certain words mean - sometimes the same darn word from just a few minutes ago). And for the second half of the year, after improving upon the comments from beta readers, I’ll move onto the professional editors: a development editor and then a line editor.

Easy to say it, and there are other steps I still need to consider (like cover design, proofreading, etc.), but putting the goals into action is far different to spouting the plans. I’ve dedicated most of January for practising the craft, reading works from indie and traditional authors, and writing short stories and poems. This year will hopefully be the next step in my journey. I started writing in 2019 after reading and finding inspiration from David Eddings’ fantasy epic “The Belgariad” and a few instalments of Terry Pratchett’s Disc World series. Something clicked inside me, and I started making my own fantasy worlds. It didn’t occur to me that I had been fabricating stories since I was little, though they were always alien-infested, sometimes with ninjas, and a lot of the time with superpowers (and there was one with all three). I imagined impossible scenarios with me as one of the characters. It’s a lot fun letting your mind wander and allowing your imagination to craft something from the resources stored in your head.

When starting out and watching videos on writing tips and reading the posts/blogs with even more tips, one of the earliest pieces of advice I heard was to commit to a project. I did, but then came the editing stage, and that’s where I started floundering – like the fish-eyed idiot I am. After doing a read through and edit, I always move on to another project so that I may look at the previous story with new eyes after taking a break. An excuse, possibly? I guess that’s where I fail. My eyes wish to read my old works, but the daunting task of editing and perfecting it all when there are so many words is not an easy task to take on. I always charged into the next project – the one for which I had several notes taken down, the one that kept popping into my head as I wrote the prior piece.

And towards the end of 2024, I hit – for the first time – writer’s burnout. I didn’t know how to write anything. Sometimes my mind knew where the story was going, sometimes it didn’t, but I couldn’t get anything down and I couldn’t commit. I questioned if and what would even happen if I were to continue. Every answer suggested I give up; it told me to stop. And then I drifted away from all my projects and made no progress. I kept getting annoyed at myself for not being able to do what I loved. Maybe if I stared at the page long enough, then my laptop would start feeling sorry for me and start completing the work from the mess of scenes and characters inside my big fat head. I longed for the times when I was in motion, when my fingers would type away faster than I can think, when I found it hard to stop. But they just wouldn’t come.

This was back in November, but I could feel my creativity had been slowing down across 2024. Then I just stopped. To this day early in January, I haven’t gone back to my bigger projects. I’ve spent my time reading and following prompts to create short stories. I saw a tip online stating that writing short stories can help with burnout. Thankfully, I could still write and finish these shorter projects (though I honestly don’t know how good I am at creating them). I felt I needed to practise and rekindle a flame which was extinguished to feelings of not being good enough. I even created a new account on Instagram for the author in me, though I’ve never been one to post all that much on social media because I never knew what I should post. Moreover, I had never told anyone I was trying to be a writer. Not my friends, not my family. But I did eventually share it with my mother. She asked if I was planning to self-publish. To which I said “maybe.” I didn’t know whether traditional or self-publishing would be better. To this day, I still don’t. I keep vacillating, but I know I need to finish as least one of the projects before I can choose. So, here I am. Just a little writer trying to create art. This is what I would love to be.

To paraphrase from one of my favourite shows: “You can’t construct something from nothing.” Well, it’s a good thing we have inspiration to spark ideas, music to bring us into the perfect mood, and the wonderful works of other writers to show what is possible. I have scenes stuck in my head which I’m craving to reach in the story and others I have written down. One in particular makes me cry just reading it – probably the saddest scene I’ve ever written – and I often return to the excerpt to see if it manages to contain and evoke the same level of emotions (and it does, at least to me). I want to share them with the world. I want to create and share something people are glad to have read. A story which stays with people. That’s why I’ll do everything I can to make my books the best they can ever be.

That’s probably enough about my writing life (if anyone has managed to make it to this point – thank you). From here on, I’m just going to mark my other goals/resolutions, so I may return here at the end of the year and say “Hey, I did most of this. Not too shabby.”

Second resolution: to find a new job. Self-explanatory. Where I’m working now isn’t bringing my mental state any relief. While the customers are great and friendly, I may need a change of venue. But I think it’d be okay if I stuck around a bit longer. So, this isn’t so strong of a resolution right now.

Third resolution: to start saving. I don’t mind spending on gifts, or even any expenditure to help my goals (like beta readers, editing, etc). I just wish to plan for any rainy days.

Fourth resolution: reduce time on social media. I take breaks from work here and there, but always end spending longer than I should and end up regretting the time wasted. If I am to spend free time anywhere, I’d prefer to either put it on here, reading the works people post, or on my writing.

Fifth resolution: read every day (except some Sundays). Before, I used to take breaks after finishing a book. Now it’s time to change that. And I would love to finally read the backlog of books I have built up from birthday presents and Christmas gifts. I’m always open to book recommendations (fantasy is my favourite, but there isn’t a genre I dislike).

Sixth and final resolution: to be kind. I want to find the ability to be kind to people, no matter the situation. I may not be able to reach the level of Dharrsheena Raja Segarran, Paul Stewart, Andrea Corwin, L.K. Rolan, or Maryam Batool (five of humanity’s brightest stars are on this platform, and I’m sure there are more). But I hope I can reach a level where I can bring others up when they need it.

Bonus resolution: exercise eat more chocolate. Don’t mind if I do.

Apologies for the long rant about my own life. I don’t relish talking about myself all that much and not for this long, but it’s nice releasing a different kind of energy and putting the goals down on paper – so to speak – and have them as a reminder in both memory and as a promise. It helps align what I want to do and what I want to achieve. I guess that’s one of the goals of this “New Year, New Projects” challenge (well played, Vocal). Now, I think it’s time for this burnout to cool down. It’s time to finish what I started.

All the best to everyone for 2025. It’s never too late to start, nor is it too late to finish a project. Build it, and keep going.