The Creature & The Black Tree

You must know

from the moment you were born,

you were innocent in a way that invited envy.

You gave no reason to earn disdain,

yet it found you anyway.

The first of many things

you did not deserve.

From the so-called givers

who only take

unhealed creatures with endless demands,

laced with anger, rigged against you

you learned to believe love must be earned.

That you, born like every child

with dreams,

hopes,

wants,

and worst of all, needs,

were asking too much.

You should know

when you were barely seventeen

and the creature caught you

looking too long in the mirror,

even before you knew how you felt,

it knew how to shape it.

Vain.

Ugly.

Nothing like what you think you are.

Those seeds of doubt depended on your belief

to grow

into a black tree with rotting bark,

branching fairytales through your mind,

feeding on your light to survive.

You gave no reason for the jealousy

that poisoned you,

but still

it became yours.

I should tell you this,

though it’s the hardest truth:

leaving does not mean healing.

The creature made it its purpose

to make you feel small.

Deep down, it saw a monster too

one made of self-hatred

that had to be placed somewhere else.

You were chosen

before you could ever name it.

It will take years

to untangle

the creature,

the black tree,

the snakes whispering lies from the branches.

You will wonder if they will ever loosen their grip,

if you will ever stop believing the stories,

how relentless they are.

It will frighten you

how much easier it is to believe

what’s wrong with you

than what is so clearly, painfully right.

I need to warn you

when someone arrives

who feels perfect,

who brings relief like an ending,

when the tree feels distant,

the snakes go quiet,

the creature turns elsewhere,

when he is kind, sweet,

everything you hoped for

please, I beg you,

do not confuse love with pain.

Even when pain is all you’ve known.

Pain is pain.

Love is love.

Do not let years of whispers and shouts

convince you otherwise.

Love

is not

supposed

to hurt.