Quarter Life Crisis

I'm not exactly sure where to start this story, nor do I think that my story is unique or outlandish in any way. Maybe it is to some, but to others it might feel normal. There is an odd comfort in the normal or relatable though, even if it's not pleasant or glamorous.

It's a Friday night in June. The year is 2020 (fuck you 2020). It's 105 degrees outside even at 9pm at night (that's Phoenix for ya). There is no chance that going on a bike ride or walk would actually be enjoyable, but it would help me to feel better. "Feel better?", you ask, "Why yes, thanks for asking," I say, even though I know you didn't really ask. I am sitting in my room, a 28 year old grown ass adult, sobbing my eyes over something so stupid, and so small, but I think it was the straw that broke the camels back. Sparing the details, the text I got from someone I had been seeing for 2 months before sobbing like the world was ending went something like, "You're great, honestly. Kind, empathetic, funny, sexy, smart. But I'm just too selfish for a relationship, and love being single. Sorry if I misled you."

I know what you're thinking...."that's what drove you over the edge?". And my answer is yes, but before you judge me for that, just know I am an emotional human being innately. That justifies it, right? I couldn't help sitting there though wondering what I was doing with my life. What was I doing wrong? Was I not attractive enough? Do I like my job? Do I believe in a God, or any existential being? When am I going to stop feeling so tired? Why don't I look good naked? Does everyone in my life just see me as someone living in a shell, not showing my true self? Why are everyone else's lives going so well? Maybe I should download TikTok again?

Fuck...I'm having a quarter life crisis. I have deemed it as such anyways, so who knows if that's actually a thing, but I am feeling it none the less. My therapist has been telling me that I need to be more vulnerable (ew), so this my attempt at that. I'll be writing down through this platform the different ways on how I got here, and hopefully by the end, I will have dug deep down in my dark soul enough to find a scrap of myself somewhere. I felt compelled to write this, as I know there have to be other people feeling the same, or have at least felt this way at some point in their lives. I always try to lighten it up with some dark humor and self deprecation along the way, so don't start thinking you are about to read some super depressing tale. Please follow me on this journey, cause if you don't, my therapist will have to hear about it.

I'll break each section off into the following categories:

• Friends and family
• Career
• Money
• Depression/Anxiety/Stress..oh my
• Religion
• Social Media
• Body Image
• Romantic relationships/dating/sex
• Health