Proper Ways to be Selfish

It’s hard, I know… Trying to confine vastness into our own perspective, but some things are simply illimitable. Time, light, dark, love. So how do we make our time worth experiencing? Do we really have the freedom to enjoy it? What can be improved through perception? We know that we are expanding, but into what?

Darkness has a way, a connotation, her existence terrifies… it scares, it takes, and engrosses. It covers and she sets in. Darkness… flooding any space if given the slightest allowance. She consumes. The flick of a switch, the turn of thoughts, the setting of the sun. Taking over, encompassing all, wrapping everything within her reach.

The sun is rising yet again, and I want to be like darkness. She has a way about her. Dressing you in shadow, she swallows you whole. Taking over your rooms, concealing shades, giving spaces rest. How tired must space be, accommodating all that we are, and all that we do? The boxes that encapsulate vibrations, movement, thoughts, trapped and swirling…

Darkness yearns for the morning, for she is desperately in love with light. Creating stages, backdrops, sets, and mysteries, all so that lover light can crest her curves, explore all which was once secret, all that was once hidden. All that has been bathed in shadow, pining to be warmed by a new day’s sunbeams. Could the licks of flames be so lovely without darkness to hold space for its brilliance?

Dying each morning for the one she loves, basking in the glow of being outshined, loving to see light’s creations, refracting upon the surfaces of the tiny spec they call home. Darkness is so selfish, arriving again with the night, inheriting that which she had only just given to light.

I could be as selfish as darkness, and love you in the way that flesh craves bones. I would wrap myself about you, clinging as tightly as possible to your form. If blood were passion, and muscle desire, I would hold them together so long as you held them up.

I could be as selfish as darkness, and love you like you are music. I would close my eyes to better hear you, I would reach out my hand to feel your chest as you speak. I would breathe you in deeply, and let you make my knees weak.

I want to be selfish like darkness, and be tired often; so I could lay by you time and again; doze off into dreamland where we would dance among the clouds.

I want to be selfish like darkness, take the world over just to give my love a place to play. To be intentional, overzealous, demand that my presence be noticed. I want to be so selfish that… my love expands beyond sight, reaches unmet depths, and lifts you higher than you had ever thought possible.

I think the best way to get the most out of time is to behave like the dark and think like the light. Create space for love, and then run with it. Relentlessly cave to whimsy, fall in love unconventionally, learn from all that dark protects and light exposes. Behave like the wind and think like the rain. Adventure, move forward, move back, sideways, twirl, just as long as you’re moving. Saturate everything around you so deeply with love that there is no option for your surroundings but to grow.

There are proper ways to be selfish. Revel in knowing that this day you have been selected again to rise alongside the sun. Let yourself miss those who weren’t, let them be bright in your memory. Their movements, their presence, gaiety, frivolity, essence… Unconditional love, fluffy fur, wagging tails, big smiles, the sweet smell of vanillas, old books, and gleeful wanderings. Thank the dark for giving them such stark juxtaposition that their entrance into your own darkness made you shine so brightly.

There are proper ways to be selfish. Listen closely, the scoop sings so sweetly when it digs into coffee beans. The smell… let your eyes drift shut, part your lips, inhale the aroma. Raise your chin slightly, let your eyes roll back. So rich, such depth, a mild form of ecstasy. The whir of the grinder, filtered water. Cinnamon and cloves on top of the grounds. Rich setting… listen to the drips and the steam, notice how hard these things are working for you.

There are proper ways to be selfish. Walk the dog before anyone else has a chance to. Pat her head the most, and tell her everything she wants to hear. Yes, you are the loveliest. Yes, those chirps certainly are from birds over there. Yes, you absolutely deserve a treat. Yes, yes, you have the fluffiest tail of them all. Pat her head again, never let her forget that she is good.

There are proper ways to be selfish. Remove the shackles of being overworked and underpaid. Let your body decide when it is time to rise, fuck alarms.

Be as selfish as the dark taking over, and be as selfish as light to happily accept the gift. Be so selfish that you allow yourself to be first, at least for a little while. Then all will fall into place. Lover dark will rest you, lover light revive. Be so selfish that you let them.