Never Give Up

Back in 2014, when I was 23 years old, I was struggling a lot mentally and emotionally because I had just been dumped by someone I thought I would be with for the rest of my life. The thought of being without him made me extremely depressed. I was so down that I couldn’t even find my way to get out of bed each day. I became very lonely and struggled with my self-esteem. As a result, I made some really bad choices in life that I still struggle with. I went through each day feeling numb. Every waking moment I struggled with the idea of committing suicide, because I just didn’t want to live on this planet anymore. It was a very rough process learning to love myself and understanding that I had value. It took many lonely nights, crying myself to sleep. It took a lot of prayer and introspection. But at some point, I realized that I wanted, and deserved, to live.

So I decided I wanted to get a tattoo to remind me of how strong I am and that I deserve to live a happy and fulfilling life. I felt like designing the tattoo myself would make it even more special, as it would be like a special note from me to myself. After several weeks of drawing out different concepts, I finally decided on the tattoo in the picture- the words “Never Give Up” woven throughout the symbols of an active heart rate, which to me symbolizes that as long as there is breath in my body and my heart is beating, I better not allow myself to give up on life. I was super proud of both the design and the message. I couldn’t wait to get it done.

The placement of the tattoo (on my right side under my armpit) was strategic. Even though I was 24 at this time, I still didn’t want my parents to know I had gotten a tattoo, as I thought they wouldn’t approve of it. I figured that the placement was perfect, because it would almost always be covered and I wouldn’t have to worry about them seeing it!

I went to a random shop in Baltimore, MD to get it done. I was so nervous! I have a very low pain tolerance and I had no idea what it would feel like. My male best friend was there with me for moral support and I kept talking his head off and bouncing my knee, a clear indication that I was super nervous. Eventually, I was summoned to a back room. No going back now! Fortunately, my friend was allowed to come with me. When the artist started, I could only describe the feeling as a needle tearing through skin. It was so painful! I tried to distract myself by listening to my music and talking to my friend, but I felt like my side was on fire! Right when I was about to ask the artist to give me a break for the love of humanity, he told me we were finished. I looked over at the mirror and was so proud of what I saw. Though I had expected the artist to make the concept drawing I gave him look a little more polished, he literally just took what I gave him and tattooed it on my skin, and because my handwriting is atrocious, the tattoo is not completely straight. Some areas are larger than others; some areas are darker than others. But that’s what makes me love it even more. My tattoo is flawed, just like me. It’s a perfect representation of me successfully emerging from one of the most depressing times in my life. Though I was scarred and remain flawed, I am still a work of art that deserves to be cherished.

Also, my friend got his nipple pierced that day at the same shop!