My Journey

My Journey Through Language

I was born in Nizhny Novgorod, Russia, and was adopted and brought to America soon after. I do not know how I was cared for as an infant there or if anything happened to me there that would affect me later in life. But as a child, I was always shy. In elementary school, I was good at making friends with my peers but, I always had a problem talking to adults. Maybe it was because I had a slight lisp or even just because I'm an introvert, but it got so "bad" that my mother, a 3rd-grade teacher at the time, felt I should go to speech therapy. From my perspective, that didn't help. My journey through language has been rough. I’ve been pushed around a lot. Being taught to do one thing and then later on in life told it was wrong, to being silenced for months because it was the way of stripping my identity. My relationship with language has taken me down many different roads, but I feel like I’ve finally found my voice.

I was still reserved in high school. But something told me fall of my freshman year, that I should audition for the musical, and I did. I remember being so scared at auditions, I could barely speak. I tried to say a line for the director and nothing came out. It was one of the most stomach twisting feelings I have ever felt. But the director, Dave, saw something in me and gave me another chance. Throughout my four years in the musical, being around a group of students like myself had brought me more out of my shell. This was a turning point in both my language and my life. It helped me find my voice. Dave saw who I was in my heart and he gave me the space to be found and heard. He had faith in me that I didn’t have. Theater very much helped me find who I am today.

After high school, my life took a detour. I had joined the military and was off to Marine Corps boot camp in the summer of 2015. My voice was taken away from me in the blink of an eye. For 13 weeks I was restricted to saying "Aye ma'am" and that was pretty much it. The Marines stripped away my identity. They took away who I was. Who I had worked so hard at becoming. I was medically discharged in the fall of that year due to PTSD and an "occupational stress condition". I was very broken for a long time and I still am today. It wasn't until months after arriving home that I started to really find my voice again. And when I did, I spoke more humbly than I did before. I spoke only what was needed to be said. I had reverted back to my old ways.

Language is so important in the lives we lead. Our journey to find our voice is one that is neverending. Since then I have found my calling back in my roots. I am currently a theater director at Chisago Lakes High School and I am so happy that I can use that platform to help others find their voice and who they are. I am content with my voice and with who I am today. In the end, I found my voice again, whether it was through story-telling, writing, acting, directing, and many more experiences. And I know that part of my mission is to help others find their voices as well.