More Than Just a Woman.

In the Oxford Language Dictionary, a hero is defined as : a person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities.

The letter below is an ode from the woman of my past. She is a friend and a confidant. We’ve been through a lot together, like sisters we’ve fought and protected one another , like brothers we’ve pushed each other to do better, like cousins we promised to have each others backs, yet most importantly as a parent would a child, we loved and nurtured one another. Have you ever genuinely experienced such strong emotions for yourself or another person? It’s a beautiful feeling.

It has been awhile since me and her have been in contact but I admire her the same as I’ve always had. Even through life’s lessons, joys, and hardships, I have never forgotten her. My experience with her reminds me of a specific phrase that I’m sure you have all heard in your lives , “You are the company you keep.” That phrase for me rang true. She was in the midst of a transformation. She was reinventing herself which in turn, had a domino effect and changed me as well. At the end of the day, I was still proud to have known her.

I scanned the words of the latest letter that she wrote to me and to no one in particular, I read aloud her truth.

Dear tomorrow,

It’s your old friend here,

Although feelings change like the season, the only thing I know for sure is that I am beginning to understand myself. Of course, I try to release the illogical thoughts plagued by my irrational emotions. It's a struggle sometimes. Do you know how it feels? To try and change that part of you that has been there for so long. The comfortable side of you that you have grown to love and hate. Mentally ,physically, and emotionally I was at a standstill. I was capable of understanding myself when I was in my lower vibrational state of mind, but I was never able to accept myself. I was aware of who I was but I didn't like myself. Now however, I am in the process of really discovering myself, the part of me that exists outside of my wounds, the wounds that made me believe that who I was, was who I was always meant to be. It took years to realize that me at my lowest was just a projection of pain from the part of me that was deeply neglected and hurt.

People think that healing is supposed to be linear but it is a rollercoaster of emotions. Some days my feelings and emotions are easier to process than others. Some days feel like the summer: warm, light, fresh, and new. While others feel like the winter: cold, dark, anxious, and grey. Each day is a different experience yet a step closer to my goal of enlightenment, which is never ending. As hard as it can be at times, its essential to push through and continue each day forward.

My emotions are reflected by the earth and its seasons, each season highlights a part of me, the parts of me I love and the parts of me I am learning to love. Some days flow freely, other days I have to drag myself out of bed. Each day I am worthy of healing and each day I am learning.

Still inspired by the seasons, I use the winter to sit with myself . When the burdens become too heavy and the greyness of my vision matches the dullness of the sky, I allow that moment to be the one where I truly introduce myself again for the first time in a long time. When you find it hard to accept who you are and where you have been in life, reinventing yourself is necessary.

When the sky looks grey, wet, and miserable, I ask myself will it get better? I have to know that it does get better, even when I struggle to believe it myself. That is what the winter reminds me of, it is a time of grief. I shed my emotions, habits, relationships, schedules, everything. It's a time of upheaval, a time to really sit and ask myself, what it is that I want? It's a time that I discover that I need to do more, that I need to start planning, and making memories, and visiting people, being happy, everything. Yet, ironically enough it’s also a time of stillness .

In the winter, time stops, it allows days of rest when the snowfall swallows the earth overnight, leaving me glued to bed, relieved to have a reason to take a break. A time, where I want to get up and get to work because time is money and we don't have time to waste, yet also a day where I get up, look outside my window and silently smile to myself. The tiredness that was once clinging to the lids of my eyes minutes ago replaced by a new surge of energy. An energy of knowing that I get a day to recover, a day to just breathe. Can you relate?

After winter ends, a rebirth begins, a season to reflect on all that I have been through, which is similar to the changing of the weather. The mounds of snow that once collected on the sides of the roads begin to melt and the greyness turns to green. The bareness of the trees begin to fade, allowing the earth to bring forth life once again. A new vibe, a new view on life, much like the feeling of spring. Like the sun, I find my light in the darkness of my experiences, laughing, meditating, and appreciating. Thankful for a new day, another opportunity of growth, and gratefulness for the lessons inspired by the seasons.

I am very aware of myself, I now have no issue delving into my own darkness, my own emotions because I feel as though that can bring comfort to those who need to see past the false outlook brought on by ourselves, others, social media, and society. Although there is a thin line between sulking in our experiences and evolving through it , I am not here to drag anyone down into a dark place, I’m prefer to direct them to the light (truth). I would love to hear about the experiences of others because I am here to share my own thoughts and experiences, with the goal of being vulnerable by being myself. Hopefully, everyone reading would be able to identify with something, whether it be big or small, within my words. As much as we don’t like to admit it, there’s a little bit of us within each other, a lot more than we realize. We share experiences and thoughts yet our ego allows us to believe that we are alone within our minds and our experiences, which is far from the truth. We’re all traveling on this road called life, navigating this jungle of a reality while trying to find and stay true to who we are.

Part of life is about finding that balance between light and dark and distinguishing between what is real and what is an illusion. I had to learn to not be so hard on myself because there is no playbook for life , however I also had to learn to not be so lax that I end up falling through the cracks, it’s balance.

Finally, I wrap this letter up by asking you to please just take every step each day at a time. Nothing happens overnight yet having the power to change and grow is completely up to us. I don’t have to be the same person I have always been, with wisdom comes growth. Each day is a journey, with an unknown destination, just accept each day how it comes and do your best.

Sincerely, the woman of yesterday.

From the person I used to be written for the person I will become.

She is a pioneer who has fought through a million storms but was able to find a path filled with so much light that it forced her out of the darkness of her own self pity. She is a leader that has helped me paved the way to self discovery . She is my past and my future. She is me. I acknowledge a woman I no longer am but still love. I am more than just a woman.

This is a happy letter, an I love you letter, a celebratory occasion, a simple thank you.

To all those reading this, please understand that you are worthy and growing at your own pace. You are a special individual. I encourage you to give yourself the credit you deserve. Celebrate your own accomplishments and achievements. You are important, you are loved. If I can do it, you can too.