Breathe.

I asked for you. You confuse me. We both deserve closure even though we know it’s not ending. We’re separated on purpose, by force. You long for me, I can feel it. You sing to me, in the stillness of the night, you set the tone, making sure I never forget where you stand with me. We haven’t physically talked or spoken in months but you speak to me daily, you send love songs. You remind me who you are. You refuse to be forgotten. I played myself. You played yourself. You plead with me, to understand words that you’ve never said, emotions you’ve never expressed. Actions that were wrongly interpreted, harsh words that were projected. I released you and you boomeranged back to me, you refuse to leave me. You love how much I love you. I had to find out how much I loved you. You exposed me to purpose, but you brought me pain first. I couldn’t have done it without you. I showed you love, you’re teaching me self love. You need to heal. I need to forgive, to face reality that nothing is perfect. You need to heal yourself. I think about you daily but until you return to me please baby, just let me breathe. You weighing too heavy on me.

I don't know how you walk around with that pain in your heart, with that betrayal. It doesn't drive you crazy? How do you function with that pain on your mind. It eats at you on a daily, forcing you to find activities to finally calm those thoughts in your heads, yet that's only temporary. To fight the demons that no one else sees is bravery beyond comprehension. I want you to heal, not for anyone else but yourself. I want you to wash away that anxiety that nips at the tears ducts behind your eyes. The one that waits till the stillness of the night to relive all the moments you fought all day to forget.

Whisper to me. Tell me everything that is on your mind. Vent to me, unapologetically. Spill your soul to me, do it and acknowledge it for yourself, but explore it for me, for us. I know it's scary but you can't stay there. Confused, lost, unhappy, you have to grow. To grow is to change. You haven't even met yourself yet, what are you fighting?

I released you. I felt your discontent, you’re angry with me. The signs you send me, I return them back to you. Return to sender because I can’t take on this burden anymore. I have my own life to live and my own experiences to make before anything. I feel healed, the difference in feelings from the heaviness that once lingered on my heart, that orchestrated space in the forefront of my mind. You clung to me, I released you again.

No longer focused on the outside, I turned my attention to myself.

I bow to you with grace, a woman in mid transformation who knows herself. I raise my head with humbleness, blessed to have stumbled across my own voice, a doorway into my own inner world. I am who I am. For once in a very long time I woke up with the lightest feeling I have ever experienced in months. The mornings feel brighter, almost conquerable. I can't remember the last time I woke up with such energy and drive that made me feel like "Today, I can do this."

My love is a love so sweet. My love is a love so pure. I ache for it.

I was born to show that through the darkest of situations you are allowed to change, stumble, cry, crumble, and get right back up and proceed. I thrive in the shadows of myself, challenging myself to do and know better. Even when I’m not in the best of spaces energetically, I’m still filled with awareness. Knowing that I was selling myself short of what I was deserving of, I couldn’t have done it without the experience.

I was here to transmute the negative energy. To show the world that through the darkness of our experiences that we are allowed another day, another chance, another breath, another day. Another inhale, another exhale.

Breathe.