Mental Clarity

I believe that many of us were lied to. Concepts seem to forcefully intertwine i n an attempt to achieve false personal mental clarity. As a child, I was aware of how the world was. Life was not fair, and it was confusing. Occasionally, there were moments of true happiness I felt in those younger days. As years went on, life somehow became even grittier than I imagined it to be. The people around me were so hurt that they unknowingly hurt those around them. I felt I was nothing but a scapegoat for my parents to vent their anger on in obscure ways. Eventually, that obscurity turned into delusion. As a result, neverending loopholes confused my common sense. Even the simplest tasks are harder than what I believe any could ever possibly understand. Of course, I'm unsure of that myself. Taking a moment to think when my mind is going 300 miles per hour is now a character flaw. Speaking my mind when I am hurt is selfish, and caring about my community is considered progressive. Honest expression grants me uncomfortable silence. Childhood values I had learned had become deemed worthless.

From personal experience, if someone is in enough pain, they create their own reality. If they are unable to live with clarity, they crave to create their own reality and push it onto others. In turn, young and innocent souls are pressured into succumbing to that dark place. Well-intentioned intuition becomes unfairly punished by the pressure. Naturally, these perpetrators will claim that those who oppose their reality based on compensation are false. As a result, the individual will question their ability to comprehend. Then the cycle will continue.

In 2021, My new year's resolution is to have the strength to break out of this cycle. While holding the strength to face reality, I want to show love and compassion for those whose voices feel unheard by agenda. I want to hear different viewpoints and come to an agreement. However, I am aware that many opinions are based on morals. An additional New Years' resolution of mine is to have the willpower to accept that I cannot change a person's morals by myself. Concerning narration, I once heard a friend tell me that the best villains are the ones who aren't aware they are villains. I agree with the sentiment solely because of the realism it provides. As someone who relates to other's pain with pain, where is the line drawn? At what point does one have to realize that someone they once supported has gone down a darker path. Not only that, but they are unaware of it themselves.

My resolution is not only my 2021 resolve but my life goal. Each year, I will focus on learning how to believe in myself. I will gain my own clarity of mind, which has been so badly fogged by external perception. It may be a small wish, but maybe that is not so bad. My first step to realizing this wish is having the courage to write this text. That may seem so simple to outsiders. I can sense the humor in that. However, I believe that there exists a large scale problem in our community due to the undermining of emotions we deem unworthy.

I am unsure of many things. I am even unsure of this composition, not even sure of the legitimacy of this platform...but I aim to change this. If I do not win a sum of money, perhaps there lies hope in the chance someone who feels as alone as I do will read this. And if they do, I hope it will give them to strength to survive another day.