Me.

Dear me,

They said write a thank you letter to your hero. And, at first, I thought of the obvious choices: celebrities, activists, parents, loved ones. But then I thought again, realizing none of them are my heroes... I mean, thinking about it, it's not that they couldn't not become my heroes. But a hero, to me, is someone who really has saved you in some way. Even if it was something small they did, I would've cherished their help. But I've never really given anyone the chance to help me, because I help myself or try to ignore the problem completely.

And then I thought of you.

You--or should I say I--have saved me. You stuck around when everyone else left. You wiped my tears away in the dark of my room. You were my friend. My best friend, even, for a while. You'll always be my hero. And I'll always love you for how you saved me.

I can't even count the number of times I've cried, hidden my tears, silenced my sobbing because I don't like for people to know. I don't like pity. I hate when they ask what's wrong. If I'm okay. I turn to you, always. You don't show me the pity I hate, you don't ask me what's wrong because you already know. Because you're me. You understand. No one else could really ever understand like you do, because they're not you. My problems may sound stupid or not like real problems at all to other people. That is my fear. The fear that if I tell someone, let someone see, they will not understand.

You understand me. You may be the only one who ever does. And if you understand, then I'll never be alone.

All I need is you. It may sound unrealistic, but if it ever came down to it, you are who I would choose. Me. Not because I love myself too much to let me go, or because I'm selfish, or narcissistic, or in the least bit greedy. I would choose myself because I can depend on me. I have survived for so long already. I can survive for longer still. I know I can. With you by my side, the world feels a little more easy.

I've never really needed anyone else emotionally. I don't tell anyone anything about oh how sad everything is. No. I don't do that. I've never told anyone but you. Sure, you're me, but I can trust you with my secrets because I know you'll always keep them safe. I trust you. There are people in the world--many, in fact--who don't trust themselves. And while that could just as easily be me, even a little, it's not. I trust myself. For my whole life, I've been able to trust myself with my secrets and my worries and endless anxieties. Thoughts that I've scrambled from my overthinking have been stored away, my fears have been held off, tears have been pushed away, and all the bad things have been covered up so no one will see them, maybe not even me.

I protect myself. I know how to and always have. I don't trust many people. Most of the time, you are who I ask for help. You'll know the answer. You're always prepared. You'll get me through. I'll get myself through. I always do.

You are my hero. I don't know how I'll ever thank you. Not in the way you deserve, anyway. A nice spa day or vacation isn't enough. I want to be able to give you my heart and tell you how grateful I am to have always had you there, and that I will forever have you. I feel so lucky to have a friend like you. To be able to trust you with my secrets and my heart, my tears and the sadness I don't trust anyone else to understand.

You probably don't know the extent of how you've saved me. But thank you. For everything.

Sincerely,

yourself