Love Is Blind. Marriage Requires a Magnifying Glass

Is love blind?

Yes, but MARRIAGE is not.

The two often get mixed together in a way where it seems love is necessary for marriage and if there is love, there must also be a marriage.

Marriage is a business arrangement at the end of the day.

It’s great if there is love in the marriage but it’s not a necessity.

At the same time, you can have love but there will never be a marriage.

You can love someone whole heartedly because I believe LOVE, the actionable kind that is a verb, IS blind.

But you can also love someone blindly with every fiber of your being while knowing you cannot marry them, for whatever reason.

That it would not be a wise business decision.

At the end of the day, we SHOULD be asking who we are about to marry their fundamental values.

Their core beliefs on equality, human rights and what they view as black and white, right and wrong.

I was the person who had to shrink myself into a box for someone else.

I broke myself down into bite size digestible pieces for him, which will never happen again as I've found someone that aligns with me on the fundamentals.

Divorce will always be on the table but it will never be used as ammunition because being told "welp, congratulations now you are another statistic" at your divorce hearing is HUMBLING.

Since having my children, but even more so, since I have been divorced I have made it a point to let my children know they do not HAVE to get married.

If they decide to, what that persons gender identity or sexuality are, makes no difference.

What does is, that they are aligned on fundamentals, they have a mutual love and respect for one another and they feel they will be able to grow and flourish in the marriage.

That together each partner will uplift the other and help the other grow. It's not a competition or a race. It's a journey, a beautiful dance that only true partners know the routine to.

For my own children, I try to instill in them that getting married is a choice not all make, love is blind but marriage is not so keep the blinders off and pull out the magnifying glass.

I want to encourage not only my incredible children to find their own path, but also anyone reading.

If there is anyone reading:

Do not every feel like you must fit into a box.

Being "weird" or not typical, finding your own way is beautiful and valid.

Women in your 20's, do not settle!

Do not listen to a soul who says a thing about your biological clock.

You wait.

You hold out for the exact right person! It will be worth it!

Women in your 30's, DO NOT SETTLE!

DO NOT LISTEN TO THOSE THAT MENTION YOUR BIOLOGICAL CLOCK.

Find your truest partner.

It is 2025, there are a plethora of options available on how to start your family on you own timeline!

My first baby wasn't born until I was almost 31.

My second, I was 32.

I'm 39 and only just now truly ready to say goodbye to having anymore biological children but ONLY because my uterus tried to kill me so I'm ready for it to be removed from my body please and thank you.

You have time!

Do not RUSH!

Go at your own pace.

Women in your 40's, DO NOT SETTLE!

We are just hitting the prime of our lives, the new middle age with a plethora of ways to exist.

Know your worth, never settle!

We are empowered and we have had a taste of what it's like to have control over our own autonomy.

We will NOT go back.

We WILL fight.

We WILL resist.

We will RIOT.

Now is the time to use our collective voices and make sure we are not being pushed back into the corner!

Back into obscurity.

Back to being property to our husbands.

Not owning a bank account.

Not being able to vote.

Having no autonomy over our bodies.

Not being able to control if and when we have children.

Not having a voice whatsoever.

We will NOT stay silent.

We will fight to not go backwards, only forward.

We are valid.

We are human.

We are allowed and should be encouraged and empowered to take up space in this world!

Smash the Patriarchy.

&

Eat the Rich.

Written by: Ash Ylvisaker

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