Living a Second-hand Life

For over half of my life, I've existed in a Charlie Brown state, with a constant cloud of guilt ready to rain down on me every time I considered doing something nice for myself. To avoid confronting such misery, I began to live a lukewarm, mundane life of routine activities to give my life structure as I juggled the day-in, day-out rigmarole of life. Yesterday, as I sat on my couch, it dawned on me that it was the first time in my 38 years of living on this earth that I purchased a brand-new living room set.

I recalled the previous living room sets I had and remembered that I purchased them from someone else who no longer needed it and was looking to buy something new. Don’t get me wrong, the items I brought from others were of fantastic quality, but in actuality, they were someone else’s purchased hand-me-downs. That old frugal inner voice had much to do with my decisions, telling me, "Why pay full price for an item when you can capitalize on a bargain?"

Given my impoverished mindset, this seemed like wisdom in action; when in fact it was the guilt of desiring something new and buying a step down to mask later feelings of shame. As I sat there enjoying my large recliner couch, it dawned on me that I’ve been living a second-hand life. I was shocked to say the least, as such a notion never before dawned on me. To think, simply buying a new living room set would spark a self-awareness to recognize my shortcomings. My eyes now opened, I gazed upon the condition of my life, and I did not like what I saw.

Standing at the crossroads of change, I visualized and contextualized the mindset I needed in order to live in the sunshine of my best life. I made a decision to build a framework of philosophies to guide me toward the life I needed and deserved to live. That did not mean that I would only buy new and brand name items hence forth. Better yet, it meant that I would make deliberate choices that generate positive vibrations in my life, vice operate under the impoverished mindset that influenced me for most of my adulthood.

I decided that I would no longer give way to feelings of guilt and shame, nor would I allow these feelings to shape my reasoning. I also placed a metaphorical muzzle on the mouth of my old frugal inner voice that would routinely shower my mind with stinking thinking, passing it off as wisdom in kind. Finally, I would make every effort to delight and reward myself. Not just with things, but also with experiences and imaginative projections of a fulfilling future yet to come.

Second-hand living has since become a distant reality. I no longer live a lukewarm life filled with mundane activities. I have entitled myself to the same good things in life as anyone else. I focus on positive actions that keep me balanced and propel me toward accomplishing my goals. I now stand tall, reaffirmed and reassured that tough times shall no longer shape my worldview of what is and is not achievable.

Life is a journey that comes with no map or personal guide. However, our experiences, for better or worse, are the building blocks that shape our emotions, thinking, and worldview. Our actions and reactions form the lessons that direct our efforts towards optimism and pessimism, and both are competing concoctions in the elixir of our lives. Too much on the positive side, and we could overconfidently misjudge a situation, running head-on into calamity. Too much on the negative side, and we find ourselves paralyzed, unable to discern the difference between obstacles and opportunity. Life requires a delicate balance of challenges and triumphs in order for us to learn, mature, and help someone else along the way. Today, I encourage you to take time to reflect and design the life you desire to live. As your perspective evolves, you will begin to realize what is truly achievable.

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