Live A While

Almost 30 and still tryin to find my place in this world. Out of all the people in the world there is only one me. No duplicates no clones, just a walkin example of my upbringin. We go through life thinkin we got all the answers and then we find ourselves questionin everything we think we know...my Dad always told me, "just live. You may not understand everything now but as you get older you will look back and say now I know what my Dad was sayin." #trustory I still got a lot of thinkin and growin to do. Its only recently that I realize I got a lot of decisions to make. Sometimes the path we tread will eventually lead to a dead end and we gotta set out to find a new course. Dont beat yourself up...its not the end of the road..we all will have trials and tribulations to go through. Each of us have our own test to take...the question is will you come out on top?...I dunno maybe Im just a fool maybe I think differently then everyone, and thats ok too. We all aren’t meant to travel the same path as everyone else and you want to know the sad but true reality, Some of us plan our future and who we’re taking with us to the end of time. Sorry, there is a chance that life will have other plans for you, and this won’t happen for everyone, Some action unfortunate do you have there vision plans for the future go as according to plan. I am in no way mad or jealous or secretly pouting to myself. I am actually elated to see other individuals actually have there wishes and dreams become a reality. Now does that mean all hope is lost for me? Absolutely not, as long as you’re willing, you’re able and there is nothing that should stop you or come in the way of your goals and dreams. I had big plans and visions for my life, I have it completed everything then I envisioned all my life, but I have made the best attempts at adjusting to the unseen detours and roadblocks I didn’t plan in my life so soon. You’re probably wondering what I meant by plan so soon, well I was 26 years old well my dad died. I didn’t plan choose a parrot that early at that age, in fact I planned to be much older and my dad to be much older as well you know at that age when our parents get older in we reach that cycle of life? Yeah, but there’s no law that says that we are all promised to be old when we die there are children dying before their parents. No parent plans to bury their child we always expect the parents to go first but the truth is that’s not always the case. The loss of my dad really took the vision and drive I had for my life away for me, I thought I had lost it forever but that forever was only for six years. There was always this voice in the back of my mind still pushing me and encouraging me to still make something of myself and be the man I knew was in me to be successful and do great things. I listened to that voice, and allowed myself grieve but not to the point where I lost myself. If you have ever lost a dad, And it doesn’t matter if you were close or not, you feel that disconnect, that pain and emptiness. I could never describe in the words the feeling of nothingness, the feeling of feeling confused, and trying to except reality. I’ve put myself in that position long before it actually happened I try to make myself prepare for when I knew it was coming, but I just didn’t know when, or that it would be so soon in my life. I am fortunate at I was able to make my dad proud and hear him say the words and every son or daughter wishes to hear, “I’m proud of you.” To know that I made my dad problem, I believe it was one of the things that helped me get through. To be completely honest with you, I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life after my dad passed. Everything that seemed crystal clear was now blurred and unrecognizable.

And then it happened, the birth of my Niece, born 9 months after losing my my dad. He always wanted grandkids, but didn’t live long enough to see. But she was my lifesaver, and the bandage to am emptiness I never thought could be in the slightest way mended. After days upon weeks of crying crying for a loss crying because I lost my twin, crying because she was everything a crying soul like mine needed. And it was then that I felt my dad showing me and telling me what I needed to do I saw what I wanted to do. I’ve always wanted to be a person who helped others. Hi anyway feel what are the feel and the only thing on my mind is what can I do to make it better how can I help lighten the burden? And then I realized I am not the only one that goes to a loss like I had there are many people out there unable to grasp dealing with a loss. I decided that I should speak out in my experience and dive into what I felt what I thought what I needed, and most of all, Was it in me to keep pushing myself forward?.

I just wanted to find my place and purpose in this world. Im tryin to be somebody in this life. Maybe Im doin exactly what Im meant to do...be some kinda inspiration to someone out there goin through the changes and just dont know what to do. Breathe, hold ya head up, and own every minute in this lifetime. We got ONE life....live it to the fullest. Hope this reaches the ones that need it the most. #1LOVE