Like the beginning, Like the end.

2020, for everybody, is such a challenging year. I beg there are lots of people ranking their last year from one to ten. Well, I did rank, and it is 7/10 which is not too horrible as I gained “things” after losing “the other things”. It is to say, my first half 2020 is pretty normal: Friendship: Okay, relationship: awesome, job: fantastic! Oh, comparing with life back in Vietnam, my family and friends spent their Tet holiday (Asian New Year) in four months (Four months instead of two weeks like the other years back!). My last half year is officially a mess. At that time, my job and studying in Cardiff were delayed, and my lads somehow became really paranoid. Unexpectedly, all sides of my life had yet turned into disaster. I know some of us got to use Netflix, game, alcohol to make their lives more “breath-able”, but all they felt is weary and moaning all the time literally. Throwing back at the time, there were a bunch of Youtube and LinkedIn blogs talking about mental breakdown, teaching people how to keep the faith, the smile and think positive. Well, theory and practice are surely different things...

In the first lockdown in Wales (between April and August), my friendship was broken. Until now, I still do not know who is wrong, and I actually do not care as I just realized how huge the world is after blocking an individual (or the whole group) in social media. After all, clinging a toxic relationship is not my choice. One thing led to another, my boyfriend and I broke up a month later. Again, there were social media blocking, fighting, and yelling all over the place due to the fact that we could not meet much in the six-month lockdown (including two more months he was away for Navy duty).

…

I moved on finally. Importantly, I recognized that I have never felt I had such breaking-easy relationships like this before. Those relationships have been covered with misunderstanding, miscommunication, stubbornness and passive-aggressiveness. Indeed, it was half my fault as I was bull-headed, being unlikely to listen to people’s stories face-to-face. Instead, I was keeping their stories into sort of online group chat.

Flirting, through Facebook Messenger

Fighting, through Messenger

Breaking up, through Messenger, also.

Then I had a second thought. It is appeared that we (my ex and I) broke up because I texted and overthought too much meanwhile my ex had lived his life as a Medieval person (which means no social media at all!). Right at that moment, I stopped feeling like using social media anymore. Actually, there has been a big question mark appearing in my head: Are all those things true?

It is really awkward since my relationships are stuck with online chats. All smiles and tears are gone with the little Messenger’s green light. I feel completely unfair when I could not see the faces of the people who I used to love, being unable to have a perfect ending which I deserved to experience as a human being. For so many times, I would take any cost to experience the face-to-face human interaction, craving to see what it looks like when a person cries, flirts, and embarrassed... As I know, my hopes become costly as we all are still in the pandemic.

All those hopes are actually my goals for this year. 2021 is concerned to be wildly significant to everybody. Some have planned to lose weight, some want to explore the new lands, some want to have lovers, etc… For me, I just want to gain back all the hopes from the last year. Being like a strategic plan, it is supposed to be done step by step, and I know that nothing is more important than myself’s happiness, so I am gotta learn how to love what and who I have had first, then showing my emotion to whoever ready to take it and enjoy it with me.

It will be hard, but c’mon, I used to live much more happily when I was a kid as people are easier to deal with when there is no Internet to interrupt, and at that time, people who I loved are allowed to cry in front of my face and we still can get those warm hug easily. It seems like there will be a lot of things to do but in fact, there is just one. All I need to do is listen! I mean, truly listen, face to face, ears to ears so that both souls can be connected and communicated.

Anyway…

HAPPY NEW YEAR AND WELCOME TO THE HUMAN INTERACTION!