Light in the Dark

2020 was a very rough year for me personally. I am sure I wasn’t the only one who suffered due to covid and the restrictions, but mentally, the past year made me question so much. 2020 was the year that my ex-boyfriend and I had broken up (after being together for 3 years), I had been laid off of work after just getting a permanent position, and I had gotten into a car accident a week after my birthday. It was really tough each time trying to get back up and continuing on my life, but I knew I had to. (Even though everyday I would question if it was necessary)I struggled a lot mentally, wondering if I was good enough for anything. I couldn’t keep a man, a job or even a car for that matter. Financially, the last two hit me hard and making ends meet was extremely difficult. I honestly thought about giving up. It wasn’t until I felt a positive impact from someone that I was able to keep persevering on.

I am an introverted person so I do not have a lot of friends that I talk to. But I’ll never forget the people that were there for me when times were tough. I would occasionally vent to my friends and family about all the issues that kept arising. (Although it did take me time to finally open up about it) And I kept feeling like life wasn’t fair” and “why should I try” if I’m just going to be knocked down again. This mentality caused me to grow depressed. I started to eat little to nothing everyday, I didn’t exercise at all and I just laid in bed all day just watching time go by. I would self loathe for most of my day and hope to just stay asleep forever. However, that a plausible plan and it was getting me nowhere.

After all the self wallowing I did, I noticed the people around me doing their best and them trying to keep me sane and feeling not alone. My friends would regularly deliver homemade food (from a distance) to make sure I ate. And would send me encouraging messages throughout the day. My friends and family also kept in touch with me often and made sure I answered each day so that I was not alone. I do feel I worried them a lot from how I acted, and I feel terrible about it now, but without that cry for help, I don’t think I would’ve gotten out of it.

However, their actions during this time spoke a thousand words to me. They truly wanted to see me get back up and be the same/even improved person that they had met before. If I had let myself keep going down the spiraling path of dispair, that really could’ve been the end for me. But those closest to me had shown me empathy and pure love that I had been so deprived of for so long. I knew they genuinely cared for me and my well-being and I truly believe if it weren’t for them, I might not be here today. I am so grateful that I had people around me in that time of need. And I can only imagine how bad it is for others that don’t. If you have the time and chance, please reach out to those you hold dearest. You never know what they’re going through and when they’ll slip away, and it will be the last time you speak with them. Don’t live with the regret of that.