Lets be real here

During the pandemic,I have been through hell, literally. It has been the most draining two years of my life. The days have seemed like a broken record, repeating and repeating. I have lost touch with reality and most importantly, my own sense of happiness. I wish I could turn back time, or I could just fast forward past this. However, I know that I can’t. I think of this often, knowing that many others feel the same. I wish time would slow down for me or at least let me gather my feelings and get my head in the right space. My twenties, my prime years, are starting to feel like a waste. I am approaching the middle of these “prime years” and have not experienced much except being terrified every time I leave my home. Where has this left my mental health? In shambles. So here I am, being mentally beaten up by the thoughts in my head and physically in pain from constantly lying in bed and worrying. I am sick and tired of being beaten up, aren't we all?

In the new year, I want to change my mindset and rest. I plan to do this by turning my phone off. Rather it be calls and texts from work or from friends. I tend to feel even more mentally drained when I am excessively using my phone. Besides calls and texts I noticed that social media is another draining item in my life. When you’re on social media you tend to miss things you would have never missed if you were not on social media scrolling all day. Not only does turning my phone off make me feel free, but the eyes are key to the soul. What you see is what you feel. Being truthful and being real is something we cannot see on social media. Nobody is saying they feel broken and hurt. It looks fun wherever they're at. Then there’s me. Sad, restless and feeling like the world isn't real anymore.

I want to cook, clean, and simply have a sigh of relief. No wonder it's been so hard to sleep for these last two years, we all have so much to worry about. But, when you think of it in another light, we all have made it past the hardest parts. Next year let your mind guide you and your body will follow. When you're happy you treat yourself good and your body good. My happiness will come from me turning my phone off and watching movies in bed all day. That is my truth. It makes me forget that other things are happening.

There's nothing wrong with just living in the moment. I'm beyond ready to feel free from my mind, I'm ready to let go of anxiety so that I can sleep at night, without worry. I know that it's hard turning your phone off. You feel gone from the world, but maybe that’s a good thing. Isolation is needed to remember what it feels like to be in-tune with you again. No more worries for 2022. No more false promises to ourselves. I hope that I find peace and most of my happiness without my phone in my hand. I believe you will too. I hope that life gets better for us all in this upcoming year because we deserve that. While you cannot plan the future out on paper and expect it to come true, you can plan your happiness and make sure that it does. In 2022 , let's just forget that this has happened. I’ll make the most of the rest of my life and give myself the world. I promise to keep my word , this time around.