It was just low of attraction

Seven years back I was skipping another therapy session, today I’m looking for therapy, and from starting to realise my trauma to dealing with it I crawled up to achieve all my dreams.

When I was 16 years old, I meet a girl who was ready to change my world, first time when I meet her, I couldn’t wait to get rid of her presence, she was one of the most annoying people I meet until then because I thought she was too happy for my mental state at that time. Little by little her presence it grows on me, I started feeling like home with her, I started feeling like I can trust her, and I told her my whole life. We were best friends for almost 4 years when things started to get cold, I tried, she tried, but in the end everything broke. During that time in 4 years, we started planning our future, my first goal was to move from my village as soon as possible, I swear to God I didn’t know how. I knew nothing, I just knew that when the times comes, I will leave the place.

At 16 years I calculated all of it, everything that I wanted to do until I reach my big goal. And I started with moving at 18, then I knew I have to take with a good grade my final exam which was after 3 years from then. I was too stupid back then, so my chances were low. The next big step was to bring her with me, to leave my country for university and bring her with me so we can start our life together.

In my last years of school, I was having all the time in my head the picture of our house, the one that we waned and how the design will be, all the time I was living for our best goal.

Some days I was physically sick to go to school, but every time I remembered who I was going for, and the reason why she deserves all of it. I’m pretty sure my parents think to this day that I was just a very self-motivated kid, they never heard about her. She was only my secret in my heart.

I was at the end of my sixteen years hopeless, I lost my first love, a big one, the guy that I considered my real brother for one year told me I should leave him alone for good, my home become more and more toxic and abusive, and I didn’t know what to do about it.

I had absolutely all the time my picture with my house in the future and my friend there, but I totally forgot all the steps to get there, I just only knew how to barely pass the year. And in one good day, magic day, that started like any day, my step father started another fight, but this time I couldn’t, I was stuck by my mom who I knew she needed me even though she didn’t seems to care, but one second then, changed my life forever, and I’m so grateful I did it, that now I have nightmare with me still be there, and every time when I think I could be there now I’m almost having a real panic attack.

And that’s hoe instead of eighteen, I moved out at seventeen. In one second, I decided I had enough, I was done, I packed my things and went to my grandmother. I stayed there for 6 months; I loved that place. But after 6 months my father came for me, and I moved to the big capital.

Two more years of school to go until I get my degree and I could leave the country. I was getting more and more tired, then I got my anxiety and panic attacks, every night, I was spending at least one hour in the bathroom crying in the middle of the night. I even turned back to church, but I didn’t tell my parents about it, never went to therapy, never told anyone the reason until 2 years later. My home was better then the other one, but I didn’t like it at first because I was used to my mom, I was used to be treated invisible and when I meet people that are actually spending time with me, I got panicked. I wanted to hide again.

Another 2 years pass, and I got a good grade in my exam, so it was time for university, I didn’t know what to choose but I knew I don t want it in my country, so I waited for a year to figure things out. Every year my town organise an annual workshop for universities and every time they have good prizes, so I went that year too, the funny part was that we got the wrong address in the first day, the workshops were open only for two days, and we miss the first day. I was almost ready to try again in 6 months when is the next one. But the next day I just woke up thinking ‘’why not now?’’, so I went there with my friend.

That was another big important decision I could miss. Because at that workshop I got the chance to speak with more students and I made my mind, I was going to try UK. I was just going to apply out of curiosity and see what happens. Six months later I found out I got accepted, I was so happy I couldn’t t wait to tell her that our dream was getting reality. And we both were so happy. I knew she believed in me all that time.

Finally, I was ready to leave. And I left my country and my people, I cried a lot and I left half of my heart there, but it was my future, our future, I could say no?

So, I left, started my first year, and our friendship started to be completely gone, I realised I have to pull myself together and I had a big realisation that day. I looked at the big building in my city, I thought to myself ‘’this is England, this is university, this is where I was always worked to be’’. And I looked back to where I left from, and I started crying. I realised I achieved every one of my goals that I fixed to myself when I was sixteen. I realised I didn’t even notice because everything seems so natural and in place.

But in that moment, I realised that law of attraction was working in my life from the very beginning. She loved my faith, and she reworded me for my loyalty.

I started to love everything in my life, and I started to trust my instinct and since I completely started listening to myself, I was never wrong, I started loving myself and I started to believe that I’m a very lucy person.

Back to the present, if someone would tell me 7 years ago that this is where I will end up, I will laugh hard, and I wouldn’t believe it. Because my life at that time seems so useless, I was ready to not live another day. But sometimes we meet people, and we want to live for them, then little by little we find ourselves meanwhile. But this was in reality the story of how I had for years the same picture in mind and how I got it now, not even doing it conscious. Believe in your soul and universe, just ask, and believe that’s all you need.