It’s not always about you – learning to see through someone else’s eyes

We live in a world that encourages self-focus - from social media algorithms to self-improvement mantras. It’s easy to walk around with a “me-first” lens, assuming everyone’s actions, moods, and choices revolve around us. But the truth is, most of what others do has little to do with us. When we learn to step outside our own perspective and see through someone else’s eyes, we begin to understand people in ways that create deeper trust, fewer misunderstandings, and more peace. Empathy is not about abandoning yourself - it’s about expanding your world beyond yourself.

1. Not everything is a reflection of you.

It’s natural to take things personally, especially when someone’s behavior feels off - a cold tone, a delayed text, or a canceled plan. But often, what people do or say isn’t about you at all. They might be overwhelmed, dealing with something private, or simply lost in their own thoughts. Internalizing other people’s behavior can create unnecessary stories and emotional turmoil.

Most people are focused on their own struggles, not judging or reacting to you.

2. Curiosity opens connection.

Instead of assuming someone’s behavior is intentional or directed at you, try getting curious. Ask: “What might they be feeling?” or “What could be going on in their world?” This shift from judgment to curiosity creates a pause - and in that pause, empathy is born. It doesn’t mean excusing bad behavior, but it does mean you’re more willing to understand before you react.

Curiosity moves us from defensiveness to understanding.

3. Everyone has a story you can’t see.

Behind every person is a hidden context - childhood wounds, silent battles, and invisible burdens. You don’t always get to see what people carry, but it shapes everything they do. That friend who’s always late might be struggling with depression. The colleague who seems cold might be afraid of connection. When you remember that there’s always more than meets the eye, compassion replaces judgment.

People’s actions are shaped by unseen experiences - not everything is personal.

4. Listening is an act of love.

When someone opens up to you, try to really listen - not just with your ears, but with your full presence. Don’t jump to offer advice or turn the conversation back to yourself. Just witness them. Let them feel heard, even if you don’t fully understand. Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is hold space without needing to fix.

Listening without judgment builds deeper trust and emotional safety.

5. Learn to tolerate discomfort.

Empathy requires emotional maturity. You might hear things you don’t like or see sides of people that feel unfamiliar. Instead of retreating or defending yourself, try staying with the discomfort. Breathe through it. That tension is often the birthplace of real connection. Growth doesn’t happen in comfort zones - it happens when we choose to stay present in moments we’d rather escape.

True empathy often feels uncomfortable - and that’s a sign you’re growing.

6. Practice putting your ego aside.

Sometimes, empathy asks us to not take credit, not defend ourselves, and not always be right. That’s hard for the ego. But when you put ego aside, you make room for relationships to deepen. It’s not about diminishing yourself - it’s about recognizing that connection matters more than control. You can be kind without being weak, and understanding without agreeing.

Humility strengthens relationships more than self-righteousness ever will.

7. Reflect before you react.

When someone hurts or frustrates you, pause. Ask yourself: “What else could be true here?” Maybe they weren’t being rude - maybe they were distracted. Maybe they weren’t ignoring you - maybe they were anxious. This practice won’t always lead to the truth, but it will soften your heart and keep you grounded. Empathy lives in that split-second pause between trigger and response.

Reflection helps us respond with grace instead of reacting with ego.

8. Empathy isn’t agreement - it’s understanding.

You don’t have to agree with someone’s choices to understand where they’re coming from. Empathy isn’t about condoning behavior - it’s about recognizing humanity. You can validate someone’s emotions without approving of their actions. That balance is where real compassion lives.

Understanding someone’s perspective doesn’t mean losing your own.

9. You’ll feel lighter when you let go of assumptions.

When you stop assuming everyone’s behavior is about you, life gets a lot less heavy. You’re no longer carrying imaginary offenses or overthinking every interaction. You give people grace - and in turn, you give yourself peace. Letting go of assumptions isn’t weakness; it’s wisdom.

Life feels more peaceful when you stop making everything personal.

10. The greatest emotional freedom comes from perspective.

Learning to see through someone else’s eyes doesn’t just make you a better friend or partner - it makes you freer. It frees you from overreaction, resentment, and the emotional rollercoaster of taking things too personally. When you realize that it’s not always about you, you create space to truly see others - and be seen in return.

Empathy creates the emotional freedom to connect without fear.

Empathy doesn’t ask you to abandon yourself. It invites you to expand yourself - to live in a way that honors both your experience and others’. The moment you realize it’s not always about you… is the moment you start seeing clearly. Compassion isn’t just a gift you give others - it’s a gift you give yourself.