It’s Hard to Be Mindful When We’re Focused on Survival

This year really put me through the paces. I had to tap into my resourcefulness, courage, and resilience like never before. My focus shifted to survival, and if I’m honest, there wasn’t a lot of mindfulness practiced during that time.

To be fair, there were moments. I would go out into my garden and focus on my plants rather than my problems. I did what I could, but most of the time, I just wanted to check out of my life when I finally had some downtime.

I downloaded games on my phone, watched mindless shows on TV, and looked for easy ways to lower my stress because I was all stress, all of the time. I’d even wake up in the middle of the night with the weight of the world pressing down. Even sleep wasn’t an escape for me.

Survival Before Self-Actualization

People preach mindfulness all the time without taking into account that everyone’s circumstances are different. At the toughest of times, we might want to be mindless, not mindful. It’s a natural human response, and it’s not always the unhealthy option.

As a mental health clinician, I sometimes think of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. First, physiological needs have to be met. Then, there’s safety and security. The pyramid continues up to belonging, esteem, and the pinnacle, self-actualization. But the bottom of my pyramid was shaken, so there wasn’t anything left over to self-actualize.

Instead, all my energy went into trying to figure out how to make my life work. Even exercise had to take a backseat to my circumstances. Fitness influencers everywhere are fond of preaching about the positive impact of exercise on stress, but when our lives are reduced to simply surviving, fitness might be one of the things discarded.

I couldn’t find the time, and while it could be argued that playing games on my phone could be traded for time on my Peloton, the reality was that I didn’t have the energy or motivation for anything beyond what was required of me to survive. I mowed the lawn. I took care of my responsibilities. My fitness equipment gathered dust and waited.

Returning to Mindfulness

It’s taken me most of the year to find some stability and peace. It’s been an uphill struggle, but I’ve noticed that I’ve been able to be more mindful recently. With the stressors starting to come off my shoulders, I’ve been able to attune to my surroundings.

I deleted the games on my phone. What first began as a way to decompress became a source of stress. I could lose hours to it if I wasn’t paying attention. While that served a purpose for a while, it no longer meets my current needs. I deleted it, and then I found other ways to spend my time that felt more in alignment with my life.

I also began to tune into my surroundings. In that time of incredible anxiety, my house fell into chaos. I slowly began to bring it back to order. I took it one small project at a time, spending time cleaning windows and sweeping floors, and forgiving myself for the time when I let it all fall into disrepair.

It’s been a slow awakening to my life. Before, all my focus went into keeping it going and supporting my family. But as those worries began to ease and circumstances began to change, I began to tune back into the life I was creating. I’d been able to survive the challenges — even if I hadn’t yet entirely overcome them. Now, I wanted to return my focus to enjoying the life I’d made for us.

I didn’t rush back in. I’m not making a long to-do list and turning this into yet another thing that causes me stress and anxiety. Instead, I’m gently taking back my life.

A Gentle Return & Realignment

I start with my morning routine. I sleep longer than I did before. At night, I fall asleep early and sleep a few minutes later. I feel like I’m catching up on all the hours of sleep anxiety took from me this year. If I dream, there’s no fear or stress in it, and dreams are often forgotten in the morning.

I brew a cup of coffee and infuse mindfulness into the practice. I walk out to check on my garden and throw out some treats for the chickens, and I can appreciate the changes I see all around me. I’m not stressing about how I’m going to maintain it all. I know that I can and will. I’m also calmly confident that I’ll be able to grow even more food next year, which gives me a warm feeling of self-sufficiency. I collect the eggs and walk back into my house to take my kids to school, and most days, I don’t feel the need to rush around all morning doing it.

I’m working more hours than I have in many years, but I’m making them meaningful and finding joy in the work I do. Instead of resenting the time it takes, I find appreciation. I cultivate space in my life for the work that’s the most meaningful to me, but I also allow space for the work that adds to my security and sense of well-being.

In the afternoons, I feel like I’m more present as a parent than I’ve been in some time. I throw the football with my son and curl up for a scary movie with my daughter. I spend time with our pets, and when I pick up a book to read, it’s more of a luxury than a need for escape.

From Surviving to Thriving

I’ve been slowly shifting out of survival mode, but I haven’t yet reached a point of fully thriving. I know that’s the direction I’m headed. Every day, I take further steps in that direction. I’m living my life and doing it well, not just fighting to keep the structure of it.

Society doesn’t allow a lot of room for those who are merely trying to get by and make it to the next paycheck. We keep telling people to tune in who may really need that time to tune out — if only for a little while. There are far worse coping skills to have than watching trashy TV or playing a mindless video game.

But I will say that the moments of mindfulness connected to nature and to the people I love did help sustain me in survival mode. There is a benefit in finding those tiny windows of hope in the wreckage of hard times. I’d latch onto the laughter of my children or a new flower growing in my yard, and it would remind me of what I was working so hard to keep. It kept me going, and even if I spent more time checking out than tuning in, it was enough to give me a glimpse of better days ahead.

So, check out if that’s what you need to do to make it through the day. Do the mindless thing and take those breaks wherever you can get them.

But every once in a while, be present in the moment. Step outside and let the sunlight warm your face. Have a cup of coffee and be nowhere else but there, drinking that coffee. Hug someone tightly and mean it. Find just enough hope to keep going, just enough to remind yourself that it won’t always be as hard as it might be today.