Invisible Tears Need Healed

You are beautiful, but sit down and tell me about the pain hidden in your eyes. Behind that amazing smile, that flawless hair, the filter that is meant to create so much beauty. No matter the filter, we can see your eyes baby girl. we can see the hurt, the pain, the resentment. There is so much makeup can cover... but one thing it can not.

Hey there, you look great with your baseball hat on. You men hardly have to do anything to get ready and hide the scars. You wake up pretty much the same way you walk out the door. But the shadows from your hat, the smile you’re faking on your face. Your eyes tell there is pain. Just like us women, there is so little that you can hide behind those eyes.

It is so easy to fool the average person when it comes to hiding what you have been through. Bury yourself in your work, I’m sure they will think it is that.

Mom will say “you are working too hard, you need to take some time off”.

Yeah, the dark circles is that, you’re probably right mom.

Your buddies or your girlfriends will probably think you are due for a night out, and suggest going to pick up “chicks” or a full night of dancing will fix it all.

Your wife, or husband will think it’s them. And heaven forbid you are in a new relationship and they have no idea what to assume, but I can whole heartily tell you they will think it is them also.

Not many people will want to, care to, or think to dive in a little deeper. That takes a special type of person. To look into your eyes and know there is so much there left unspoken. Everyone holds a past, you aren’t the only one. Very little want to talk about what is making their eyes bleed an invisible shade of tears. You could be the sexiest man, and the most bikini ready female model and still lie to everyone.

For some, this is a sense of survival. This is how they kept motivated. This is why they have what they have. People that spend so much time covering it up with other things, they don’t have time to just deal with it. I guess it’s a good thing for them, well for a while. I mean, they focus and accomplish so much. But there are different types of people too, some accomplish nothing because they live in their pain. Well other than doing a good job masking the day to day emotions.

Just know there are some of us out here that see you. Understand you. Have been where you are and possibly still fighting the demons you’re fighting.

Some of you have been through it all. Disappointments, heartbreak, betrayal. You have been through it all. I’ve been through it all. I wonder how you do it. How I have done it. The unimaginable strength we don’t know we hold that keeps us together, keeps us running. Together enough to pretend we are okay, when all we really want to do is lose our shit. The strength it takes to keep standing back up, after falling down so often. Day after day falling and getting back up. I will reference the Cardi B song here “Get up 10” because it comes to mind. I’m no fan and normally would not have you listen. But this is true. Knock me down 9 times but I get up 10, just like the song says.

Brush your teeth, put foundation on to cover the sleepless nights. Make sure your brows are fire. Buy the better suits, the shoes with the square at the front. Weekly visits to the barber and make sure that fade is on point. Buy the dress, wear the heels. You better accessorize. Trips to the best make up stores because if they notice all of that, maybe... just maybe we can get away with pretending life is fine. Like the LEGO movie. “Everything is awesome!!”

Hide your face behind your two computer screens, and do your best to focus. Some do better and hold your head up high refusing to break, to be broken. Wear your smile, even when you barely slept the night before.

Happiness is on the surface, but there is hurt in your soul. That is simply not hidden, especially not when they look into our eyes. Stand up straight so you don’t fall. Posting selfies everyday so you are seemingly very happy with your life. Uploading a temporary profile picture because it’s Facebook worthy, but just to find some sort of validation. You’re missing so much so that like and comment validates you for so long.

No matter if you were with someone for a long time, dating someone for a short period of time, or just hopeful that every single date will lead to more than a one night stand, it hurts when you look and realize... I’m alone. You’re friends will constantly tell you that you aren’t alone, you have them. But you won’t grow old with them, and they will never understand why that is just simply... not enough. Absolutely you can grow through Stages with them, someone can be the Carrie, another the Samantha from Sex in the City. Then one day you look and realize you are Rose and Blanche from the Golden girls. Life isn’t supposed to be shared solely with a friend, or groups of friends. You are supposed to share love with someone, we all know this.

They hurt you. They cheated, they lied. They took a job that you couldn’t go with them because of your life at home. They grew a different direction, your goals didn’t align. Maybe they never let you have a real chance at a relationship. So you didn’t break up, but sometimes the lack of actually trying a relationship is harder than a break up. They made you think you were ”kind of a thing” and then you just weren’t. The phone calls become less, the texts become more sparse. You spent a lot of time with a heart filled with hope that this one, this one might be the one. Maybe you ignored every single red flag, painted them all green. Then when you break up you are hurting because you realize you knew this was the result a long time ago, but you chose to not see them.

See, no matter the hurt...it hurts. It changes you. They say it all the time. PAIN CHANGES YOU!

Pain leaves an imprint not only in your heart, but in your eyes. To someone who is a deep minded person, you can’t hide those pains.

I do see you, I see you hiding your tears at the red light while belting out “mamma can you die from a broken heart”. Because I have thought the pain of my heart being ripped out of my chest would kill me. some days, I didn’t even know how I drove home because my mind was flooded, and my heart was aching.

I see you trying your best to make the kids dinner, but not mentally being there. The short temper with them because their mom or dad isn’t there anymore. “It’s for the best” you tell them. “Your mom/dad is a great person” you might have to conjure up as a lie. “We just grew apart” as you try to hide an affair from your innocent children.

I see you diving into your career to forget your problems, I see you getting multiple jobs...to stay busy.

But I see the strength you had to get out of bed today. To walk through the madness, crawl if you had to. But you did it, nonetheless.

I admire you, I admire your strength, your courage. I admire you for doing your best, but you need to deal with what you have going on. Stop working out hoping the weights will take your problems away. Clearly I want you to stay healthy, I’m saying stop replacing acknowledgement of your pain with hitting your next PR. Stop putting on so much make up hoping to hide the reality of life, deal with the reality. There is no shame in therapy, it was amazing for me.

Above it all, stop saying yes when you should be saying no. You don’t have to fill your schedule helping others when you can’t help yourself. Self care is the best care.

I believe (and don’t quote me) that Trent Shelton once said “If you don’t heal what hurt you, you will bleed on people that didn’t cut you”. Wow... go read that again. Then read it over and over again until it hurts your soul. Because that little quote is FIRE to the soul. I say it to people all the time.

The pain will be seen in your eyes until you deal with it. Until you realize to stop waiting for that person to come back, or change, or whatever. I’ve on and realize that if that’s what was planned for your life, it would be there.

This is my vision of how life works with “gifts“, so vision it with me.

There is a closet, filled with boxes. It’s almost like Christmas, some are labeled don’t open until....

Some boxes are left to wonder when we get to have the gift. Sometimes, being humans we want the gift. We want to open it and have it and keep it forever. Sometimes, we open the boxes too early. But they were not intended for you to open that box yet, so now you don’t have the experience or knowledge to handle the contents of the box. Sometimes we can put it back on the shelf, and it’s still there when we open it later. Sometimes someone says nope... you knew this box wasn’t one you were ready for. You ignored all the postings saying not to open this one. So this box gets replaced by another. see, the box we really thought we wanted was tainted and never returned because it just wasn’t time to open it yet.

That’s why we heal. So we can have all the blessings set for us. We need to heal in order to be ready for the next gift. So we don’t taint the blessing in the next box.

If you bought three brand new toasters and each one was broken, I bet your expectations of the fourth toaster will be a lot lower. That’s what happens in life too. You get hurt enough you allow it to follow and taint the remainder of the blessings for you.

No matter if you are a King or a Queen, you need to fix your crown and boss up. Heal, and be the best version of you!