The Story of the Flawed Fairytale

As women, we grow up looking for THE Prince Charming. The one that’s going to ride in on a white horse and save the day. He is supposed to wake us up from our sleeping slumber, or try every womans foot into a slipper just to find his way to us...the one who fits the slipper.

In a way, I found the knight in a blue Penguins hoodie. He rode in a white Nissan Armada and if I’m being honest, he woke me up from a version of myself I didn’t love. We will get into that.

Some people find their fairytale in high school, some find it after schooling, some find it after making themselves stable and successful. Then there are some of us who find it after kissing a few frogs. After kids, and after life has completely messed us up physicall, mentally and emotionally. No matter how it was found, I am a firm believer that what’s meant to find you will always find it’s way to you.

Eighteen(ish) years ago I was walking down the stairs of a friends house. I was there with another friend, my very best guy friend. We all would get together after school at times and walk, shoot hoops, visit others etc. I remember walking down these stairs and saying “oh Anthony, who is this guy in these pictures?” He said it was his brother, didn’t mention his name just that he was an underwear model. His brother was never there, or not that I was ever aware of... but this 14ish year old had developed a crush on the guy in the pictures. Never seeing him in real life, but who wouldn’t have a crush on an underwear model...lets be real!

Some years later, when I am at the grocery store I tend to see someone often. Never speaking, just a smile and nod as if we see the same person at the store regularly. I see the same person passing me in a local company work van. I don’t know who he is. Admittedly, I was checking him out and in a failing and loveless marriage. Where we became more roommate, and friends than a married couple. Still, I didn’t know who he was. All I knew was he was the same guy I would see at the store, and now driving passed when I drop my kids off at daycare.

My morning routine was leave my house, drive the kids to daycare, stop at the local Sunoco for a large coffee, and usually arrive late to work (because coffee is non negotiable and should be worked into my hiring paperwork).

Years later, I walk into that Sunoco in the evening, fresh out of the shower with no make up on. My hair still dripping wet while it being February. But I was headed for a sleepover with my friend at the time, and she doesn’t care what I look like. The place I get coffee sees me looking a bum all the time, so who really cares.... right? I put my hood up so no one could see me get out of my car, and it’s starting to rain.

No!!! Now I suddenly care that I look like a total loser in my floral pajamas, I brushed hair, and a hoodie that reads “savage”. I look to the right of me, and a guy in a blue hoodie is staring at me just as I take my hood down. Too late to abort the hood mission! I go in, grab my cigarettes, this guy is just looking at me. He looks familiar from seeing him, never talking to him. It it’s a small town... so really everyone is familiar. Small store, it’s like I can’t get out of there fast enough. I didn’t want him to see the only thing I was insecure about at the time, my smile. So Barb the cashier rings my cigarettes and energy drink up, asks if I need a lighter... I always need a lighter, she knows this. But I was sure I didn’t and quickly look a few people behind me to realize he’s there... still looking at me. Out the door I scurry quickly.

Shit, I need a lighter. I search my entire car hoping to find one. Nope, so guess what this girl has to do? Yep, exactly.... Goback in the gosh darn store! My hood on this time. ”Barb, I need a lighter”. I say completely embarrassed. He must have gotten out of line or maybe I just thought he was in line before because I’m still a person ahead of him. Of course with how nervous I was, maybe I butted in line, lol.

A loud yell comes From behind me, “see BARB! I’m not the only one that forgets their lighter!” I chuckle, and scurry out again. But something makes me wait a minute. I pull out just as I see he is pulling out and would be behind me. There he is, the loud, obnoxious Man... But I’m curious, the mystery of who he was played. I wanted him to follow me. He did. Then he turned off Down another road. I admit, I tried to find him. I found out then that he dropped something off at work then went to find me. Neither of us successfully doing so... I remembered a friend of mine was friends with who I believed was his wife. However, I wasn‘t sure they would still be married given what she told me about a night out with her said friend. So I tried to find him that way. Found nothing... and I a, a lead investigator of Facebook and Instagram. I just don’t get paid for the title. So if I can’t find it, it can’t exist.

For two days this bothered me. So much that I continued to go get coffee all day trying to be in the same place at the same time. Nothing.

”Robert Bruce sent you a friend request”

Holy shit!! He found me. It has to be him, he is wearing the same hoodie in the picture. I accept and pretend to not notice. Immediately I get ”Robert Bruce waved at you, wave back”. So completely ridiculously I say “you found me”. Convo happened about the day with barb, etc. I was like he is answering these questions so vague, but okay. I have my kids and I’m about to take them to my sons indoor baseball tryouts and I get a message to see if I can meet at the local place we both go to, where we “met”. I have my kids so we “run into each other and I tell my kids oh guys this is my friend”. We leave and I send a text... “so....what did you think”

”you’re very pretty”

”but....”

”but nothing”

”but did you notice anything else” referencing my gap I had in my teeth at the time

”the only but I noticed was yours and it’s pretty amazing too”

We plan a date close to my work I suggested for wings. He holds his glass up and yells to the bartender that his drink is empty. “Oh no... he’s one of these guys”. This happens a few times.

I’m a pretty quiet girl, especially around new people. I hate attention, and I am generally in the middle of all of my friends when we go out. That way I am not “seen”. So this is odd to me. But I agree to a second date. It’s right after Valentine’s Day.

So all of this starts February 7th. Just to put dates into perspective. He finds me on Facebook February 9th. So the weekend after Valentine’s Day, he meets me in a parking lot. He’s oddly quiet, but oddly also I have a lot to say. I don’t shut up... and say oh my gosh I have been talking this whole time. He said it’s okay, I’m nervous so you doing all the talking is perfectly fine with me. He takes me to an overlook, gets out of the car,into the back of his white horse... I mean armada. As he gets back in the car, he is holding a big plush tiger (he had been calling me tiger), a giant box of candy, and a card. Y’all, my favorite day of the year is Valentine’s Day! We head to a bar and get some food. There is such loud music playing and after a few drinks and food, he yells “SO WHAT IS THIS”. In the middle of him saying this, the music cuts off and it’s crickets except this question. I’m internally freaking out and say “dude it’s our second date”.

To the bathroom I go to have a pep talk with myself. This is a question no one has cared enough to ask me in the last 5 years since my ex husband and I split. I haven’t been good enough for anyone. The thought of leaving crossed my mind and quickly left. I look at myself in the mirror and say this could be the guy.

Our next date is my Valentine’s Day for him. I make him dinner at my house. Steak, rice, and asparagus, cooked to perfection. He takes a picture and sends it to his mamma. I made it to the mamma stage! Approved. We share some passionate kissing and he leaves. Our next date is not planned. I was going to go shopping, he was going to the gym. I texted and said I was getting coffee, he said meet you there. Four hours later, our playlists expired, and Sunoco closing...neither one of us got our plans accomplished. But we talked. Man did we talk about anything and everything. Songs that got us through dark times. Times we have been through. Etc. I went home, he went home. And we just talked all night still.

I have a landlord issue in early March. The landlord came through my window, onto my kids beds. Leaving behind dirt, snow, mud, all over the kids beds. I text him, etc. A lot happens with that, we tried to get police involved, they did nothing. But I said I needed to get out of there. At the time, we had both met each other’s kids. He was so helpful with mine during this time. I remember laying in bed, and he said so I was talking to Timmy, and this is what I am thinking. We spend all day and all night together, it doesn’t make sense for you to get your own place. You can keep looking, but stay with me for now. Well boxes were moved in, boxes got in the way. Boxes kept getting more and more annoying and finally we unpacked them.

What happens when you do things on your own time and not Gods time? You break up, he was only separated a short time before me. I kept telling him that all he had been through, he needed to heal the heart because he was bleeding on someone that didn’t cut him. We broke up a few times.

I moved out after a car accident. We spent a month apart. I had my apartment for 8 months. Finally we decided after that month that we don’t do well apart. We got engaged! We moved back in together! We finally decided to fight together, not each other.

He showed me that I don’t have to be independent. I can rely on him. We have had our fair share of ups and downs. We have had our fair share of an ex trying to get her way back in. But, he showed me that I am not replaceable. He showed me that the damage had already been done. Now, when she tries to get back into his life he makes sure that I see these things. He builds trust with me, and doesn’t let me feeling insecure. It took us a while to get it right. But we did. It took us seeing that God is in control and doesn’t mind knocking us down a peg if he sees we are trying to control fate. Everything bad that has happened has been a direct result of us trying to break up, or someone trying to mingle into our life to get back in it. We realize this.

So, back to earlier. Robert was the guy in the pictures at my friend Anthony’s house. He wasn’t an underwear model, in case anyone was wondering. And oddly enough, even though his last name was Bruce, I didn’t even put together who his brother was until months after we were together.

Robert was the one I saw driving the utility van. Which I didn’t put together until months after we were together.

He was also the one I kept seeing In the stores. But NEVER spoke to him until that February day.

I had a lot of waking up to do, which he taught me. I was a selfie queen who lacked self respect. I was so quiet, I never wanted to meet new people. So I was asleep much like sleeping beauty. Then my Prince Charming came, in a white Nissan Armada.

With all of that said, I realized fairytales are what you make it. They arent meant to match Disney’s version. They are meant to be created, molded, transformed. You are supposed to GROW your fairytale. It isn’t just made for you. You don’t find greener grass just because yours is getting brown.. in hopes that you find the RIGHT fairytale. You sit your ass down, and you work through life with the person you have. Because then, you create the best version, and a flawed but perfect version of your fairytale. There is nothing better than a fairytale that isn’t the same as someone else’s. There is nothing better than knowing you worked hard, some days harder than the other, some days they worked harder than you. But together, you decide that forever is better together.

So this is my fairytale, the one where I had to learn that not everyone is born like Prince Charming. They don’t know passion like you want it. It’s a learned trait from the other. That independence can kill a relationship, and that your story doesn’t have to be like your old story. It shouldn’t be. And it shouldn’t be like anyone else’s. It’s your story. feel free to have trial and error, but work through them together. Because you got the cliff notes of mine, it’s been tough. But 2020 has been my fairytale year. The rest of the story is still unwritten.