In your mind.

Everyone knows what it's like to get stuck in your mind. Those moments where you zone out and your mind is going crazy trying to work through everything you think. When all of the thoughts get scrambled and you struggle to sort them all out. Have you ever tried not to think about something and then you're thinking about not thinking about it? So you're now thinking about it haha? It's a trap-if somebody said to you 'don't think of a blue sheep', that's exactly what you think about, because you're telling yourself not to think about it but in the process you're thinking about it. It's weird that you don't have control over your mind even though it's yours. Then there's the moments where you can't get out. There's no escape. So what do you do to get out?

You know that voice in your head? The one that you hear every time you read something, write something? I have it now as I'm typing, reading out the words in my head. I find it difficult to distinguish that voice to "you". That voice is you. It's almost like a friend, but that annoying friend that doesn't go away when you need it too. Like a bug buzzing around your head. I find it hard to comprehend what that voice is-your subconscious? Just a voice? Sometimes I like the voice, like when you talk to yourself. There's nothing wrong with talking to yourself, you're your companion when no one else is there. However then occasionally you get so wrapped up in your mind that when you think you're "over it", you're not? It's still there.

This is more about the thoughts though. The thoughts that you can't get away from. I hate it sometimes, because it gives me a chance to overthink; and at times overthinking is the worst thing. The worst thing. You play the idea over and over until it's permanently lodged there. Unfortunately, and fortunately, I have a lot of time to myself now. Just me. Days feel longer unless enjoyed, nights drag unless you sleep soundly. It's a trap for me at the moment. Working nights takes away the chance to get up and do something to take my mind off things, and even when I am doing something, I'm thinking. Repeatedly. Sometimes it's good things, and I enjoy it-I let my mind go wild and think about the good things to come, to have been, and what are. Although then the bad things come in, and once they're there, even if you replace them with good things, you know they're still there. In the back. So how do you get rid of them? Or how do you lock them away?

I used to love time to myself, and don't get me wrong, I still do. However sometimes it's too much. I get sick of it. It's hard enough having nothing to do let alone having your thoughts take over. But that's the thing, they're never going away, and as much as you try and change it, take it away, they will stay. The most persistent, stubborn thing of all: your mind..and everything that comes with it.

What can you do to help it? The truth haha? I have absolutely no idea.

I couldn't tell you, because this is me. I haven't figured it out yet. All that you can hope is that there's a way to accept them haha. Let it all in. Let all the negative, crappy thoughts cloud the good ones. And figure it out. Find solutions to each one, pick one and resolve it and then move on to the next. And soon you'll welcome negative thoughts with an open mind, ready to think about them for a while but not let them cloud over. I'm still trying. You've just got to be optimistic. As much as you can be. Your thoughts are you, don't try and fight them, they're you.

hannah x