How to Be Unapologetically You When You're Experiencing Imposter Syndrome

As a child, I was considered “bright for my age” (whatever that means?) – one of those kids that always wins the spelling bee, rarely gets a question wrong on a test, and somehow becomes the teacher’s assistant and has bestowed upon her the job of grading fellow students’ math tests (side note: this is weird, right?). It was like this through all three of the middle schools I attended as well as through high school until I reached university and was quite literally surrounded with what felt like 11,000 replicas of myself. Feeling inadequate went from being a shock to being a daily occurrence.

The dictionary describes imposter syndrome as “anxiety or self-doubt that results from persistently undervaluing one’s competence and active role in achieving success, while falsely attributing one’s accomplishments to luck or other external forces". There is no better way to describe the apprehension I felt both when applying for graduate school and a number of times throughout the program since my acceptance. I honestly believed I would never truly feel like I belonged.

Fast forward to now - I have two weeks until graduation and have come to embrace every single one of my accomplishments while accepting my flaws and continuing to show up for myself every day.

Here's what you can learn from my experiences to help you on your own journey.

Step One: Accept Your Feelings

Regardless of what you are feeling or why you are feeling it, your emotions are in no way wrong. Instead, your emotions are valid in every way because they are how you feel, even if they are not necessarily indicative of the situation. Changing how you feel will happen slowly over time the more you work on yourself. Until then, don't feel bad for your emotions.

As the saying goes, the first step to solving a problem is admitting that you have a problem. Take note of how you're feeling right now and why you clicked on this article. Are you feeling inadequate? Fearful of rejection? Self-critical? Just sad in general? Accept every single one of these emotions and don't feel bad for having them. You have to admit that you are experiencing these emotions in order to overcome them.

Step Two: Focus on the Positive

With everything going on due to the global pandemic, I have been undergoing a job search as have many, many, many other people. My friend Kristen offered to help me with my resume, which was seriously lacking in the content department. I had been reluctant to revise my resume because I had no idea how to highlight the little experience that I have.

As we began updating my resume, Kristen asked me discovery questions about whether or not I had experience doing This, and That, and Other Things, and a very strange thing began to happen - I actually had answers for everything she was asking. By the time we were finished, I had a brand new resume with accomplishments that I didn't even realize were mine.

Right now - literally right this second - stop and write down five accomplishments in your life so far. It doesn't matter how big or how small; all that matters is that you have them written on a list in front of you to be able to visualize how truly amazing you are.

Then, write down five accomplishments just from the past three months. It may seem difficult at first to think of that many things, but that is exactly the point of this exercise. There are many accomplishments you have over this short amount of time and taking a moment to really find and celebrate those moments makes all the difference in how you see yourself.

Maybe you just need a Kristen to get you started, and there's nothing wrong with that. (In fact, Kristen is currently a stay-at-home mom who has eons of free time and would love to help you with your resume/ego as well.)

Another positive that can help? Positive affirmations.

I am currently conducting an experiment with my two year-old nephew in which I have him repeat the following phrase to me every day: "I am brave. I am strong. I am beautiful." (Will update you in 20 years to see how his imposter syndrome levels compare to others'.)

For wholesome inspiration, Google positive affirmations or search them on YouTube and cry all the happy tears when you find videos like the one below.

Step Three: Show Up for Yourself

As Clare Crawley has reminded viewers at least 12 times per episode of this season's Bachelorette, being unapologetically you means showing up for yourself time and again, regardless of what happened last time. (It also means not settling for MEN. LIKE. THAT.)

You just have to do things. That's it - it's that simple. Fake it till you make it, no matter how awkward that may feel. Especially in these strange times we are currently living in where it seems like there are no straightforward rules at times, do something you wouldn't normally do.

Those symptoms of imposter syndrome you're experiencing? They are actually a mix of perfectionism, past experience (or inexperience), and the straight up lies you're telling yourself about why you won't succeed. Work on yourself and better yourself as much as you can while every single day making the commitment to just show up for yourself until you realize that you are worth it.

As one might imagine, however, this kind of acceptance does not and cannot happen overnight. My personal transformation didn't even really begin until I was halfway through graduate school, and even then I didn't fully embrace it until about a year later. One of the most inspiring quotes I have encountered is Earl Nightingale's quote on dreams: "Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway." You can either live your life fully until you come to accept yourself for who you are, or you can be in the same place a few years from now.

I have a friend who does not believe that I give myself enough credit for everything I have achieved and everything I am going to accomplish. When I do something I should be proud of, she makes me stop for a second and – no matter where I am – scream “I’m proud of myself!” at the top of my lungs. (Disclaimer: There are definitely situations where this may not be the most appropriate reaction. Use with caution.) I encourage you to steal this positive affirmation and to use it as frequently as needed for you to finally feel that you are worthy of all the good in life that comes your way.