How to allow yourself to cry and grieve when someone you love dies

This poem and article is not to treat, cure, or diagnose any emotional illnesses. This is information which may be beneficial to some who feel that others around them don't want them to grieve a loss.

A season and a reason

It's normal to grieve a loss

Crying and mourning have a reason

There is a time and place

For everything there is a season

Acknowledge that you are hurting

Your pain is very real

No one else shouold ever

Tell you how you should feel

Cyring can be healthy

Allow the tears to flow

Don't suppress your grief

Through your sorrow you will grow

Acknowledge there is a purpose for our emotions

Grief and sorrow are normal emotions when a loved one passes away, but in some cultures, you may be told it's wrong to express your feelings. If you are sensitive and cry easily, or you experience a traumatic loss, you should be able to feel how you feel.

This article is written with the intent of permitting people to express their emotions when dealing with death. Recognizing and acknowledging that emotions have a purpose is the first step.

One of the worst experiences I had was after my husband of 40 years died. I had people telling me to be a mature Christian when I was devastated. I have attended funerals in recent years where preachers tell grieving families that "We are here to celebrate, not to mourn."

Suppressing grief can be damaging

I recall my mother telling us not to cry out loud at the funeral of my brother, who drowned at 33. I cannot recall how many funerals I have attended where I wanted to cry but held my emotions in check because of my mother's words.

Professionals say that suppressing grief can cause it to manifest in other ways, such as abnormal behavior, emotional issues, or addictions.

Allow yourself permission to grieve

I spoke to a woman who was mourning the loss of her husband of 50 years, and her words of wisdom made all the difference. She said she would cry when she felt like crying for as long as necessary because God had given her the emotions she was experiencing.

She said He would not have given us emotions and the ability to cry if we were were not supposed to. Her point of view is validated by psychologists who say emotional tears bring healing.

The Bible permits us to weep and mourn

For those who look to scripture in a time of need, the Bible tells us in Ecclesiastes chapter 3:

1. To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.

2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

Even if you are not a person of faith, reading that it's OK to cry and grieve may help you.

My friend's advice about emotions was helpful for me. When I was in a drugstore and heard a song my husband used to sing, I allowed the tears to flow. I've had these moments many times over the past five years. I allow them, and they pass.

Celebrating life instead of mourning death

In today's society, funerals are called celebration of life services and those who are grieving are encouraged to celebrate the life of the dearly departed rather than mourn the loss.

Not only does this contradict scripture, it can also cause emotional damage for those who feel they must suppress their grief. I once heard it said that the attitude to celebrate a death comes from a saying that you celebrate death and mourn a baby's birth.

This is a misinterpretation of Ecclesiastes 7:1 “A good name is better than fine perfume, and one’s day of death is better than his day of birth.” Solomon is saying that one is born into a world of sorrows, and when they die, they are released.

Solomon was not saying you should be sorrowful and cry when a new life comes into the world, and happy when someone dies. Still, some interpret his words this way and repeat their opinion to others.

The steps to accepting your emotions

If you are sad when someone dies, remember what you have just read so you can go through the natural process of grieving rather than suppressing your emotions. The steps are:

1. Acknowledge and accept that you have emotions that have a purpose.

2. Don't suppress your grief because it can have unintentional consequences on your mental or physical health.

3. The Bible says there are seasons for mourning and crying

4. Allow the tears to flow because this is healthy

5. You don't have to celebrate when your heart is breaking

I once read that if you mourn a death and your grief is strong, it means that you loved and cared for the person and miss them, which is a good thing.

Disclaimer

This article is for those who desire to mourn the loss of a loved one, which is normal, and not be influenced by anyone implying that their emotions are wrong.

If, however, your sadness turns into depression and the inability to eat or sleep continues for an extended period of time, or you have feelings of self-harm, please seek professional help. If you don't know where to turn, dial 211 for information on local places where you may obtain assistance.