How I Quit Drinking and Stay Sober

I want to preface this blog post with saying that there is not one definite thing that helped me quit drinking. It was a compilation of so many different things, both good and bad, that led me to saying, "Not another sip, no matter what" on February 2, 2019.

Some of these suggestions are what helped me decide to be sober. Some of them are what help me STAY sober.

I get this question a lot: "How did you quit drinking?" And I can never provide a good enough answer in an Instagram Direct Message because I don't even know how to compress it enough for it to make sense. My response can be overwhelming because there are so many factors that have played into it. So, if you have asked me how I quit and I haven't responded to you, know that it isn't because I don't want to respond. It's because I don't want to overwhelm you and because you deserve a response that is thoughtful, helpful, and organized.

This blog post is for you.

3 MONTH SOBER SPRING CHALLENGE

I can divide my drinking life into two "phases". Before my 2018 Sober Spring challenge and after my 2018 Sober Spring challenge. I cannot remember what specifically made me want to do 3 months without alcohol - I don't believe there was a specific event - but I do know that I wanted to see what life was like not hungover. Hangovers killed me. Even slight ones. At that point in my life, I was dealing with severe depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and coping with the loss of nearly all my friends, so I knew I needed to try something different because I went from party girl to drinking alone on the couch and that is the biggest red flag.

I somehow stumbled upon Catherine Gray, the author of The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober, and she was hosting a Sober Spring challenge on her Instagram page. She grouped us into groups of 6-8 people to help hold us accountable, and we started a WhatsApp chat. The chat fizzled out quickly but I stuck to the Sober Spring for all three months. To be honest, I don't remember much of those 3 months except continuously saying that being not hungover felt like being "coated in honey". I don't know why that phrase came to mind but being not hungover felt so light. So sweet. So soft. I think my body and mind were detoxing from alcohol for the first month and learning how to live without it, and I can't remember specific events except going to my husband's grandpa's 80th birthday and not drinking and loving it. I distinctly remember being able to go visit my sister the next morning because I wasn't hungover. The main thing was not being hungover. And I loved that so much.

3 months without alcohol was the perfect challenge for me to begin my alcohol free life. I didn't know it then, but it was the catalyst to never drinking again. It was long enough to reap the benefits of an alcohol free life, and not too long that it was entirely overwhelming and terrifying. I've done one month challenges without alcohol before, and those fly by and you never really get to experience a true sober life because that first month is like walking with Bambi legs, stumbling all over the place in your newly sober life.

So that being said, try a 3 month challenge!

THERAPY

I didn't go to therapy specifically for my drinking. I went to therapy to deal with WHY I was drinking so much. It's easy to get sucked into this idea that alcohol is the sole problem, and while that is very true because of its addictive nature, there is always always always a reason as to WHY someone is drinking. It's almost always a coping mechanism for boredom, depression, anxiety, panic, self hatred, you name it. At least that's how it begins, and then the addiction can take over and people need to drink to function properly, but there is always an underlying cause as to why people fall in love with that initial rush of dopamine. That feeling of [fake] fearlessness. The [temporary] dissipation of anxiety.

Therapy helped me uncover and process the damaging thought processes I had that led to severe depression and anxiety and panic attacks, which led to my excessive drinking. Therapy is the bomb. I hope you can find somewhere you can afford, and if not, ask about sliding fee scales! Ask about payment plans. I am currently getting my master's in counseling and therapists are ethically not supposed to turn people away because they can't afford therapy. (I also take Lexapro for my anxiety and that has saved my life as well, but of course, talk to a professional before thinking about medication.)

MOVEMENT

Moving my body helped me want to quit drinking and helps me not ever want to drink. I can't tell you how good a brisk morning walk or light job feels. You don't have to become an intense marathon runner. Being able to move my body more and starting Orange Theory helped me (and helps me) stay sober. Everyone knows that movement and exercise are so good for the mind, body and soul. And it doesn't have to be 5 days at the gym doing hardcore weight workouts. Or running for an hour. It can be something as simple as downloading a yoga app (try the Downdog app!) and going for a walk around the block. Start small. Move your body when you have a craving. Focus on moving around your energy, even in the slightest way, when you want to drink alcohol. It can do wonders for you. Our emotions and our feelings live within our bodies, and if we just sit there, stagnant, it creates the perfect breeding ground for more negative energy to just fester which makes it so much easier to reach for a drink and justify it. I have found that movement is key to staying sober.

SOBER FOR YOURSELF AND OTHERS

We have all heard that we need to get sober for ourselves first and foremost. While this is true, we can't ignore that as human beings we are a social species and find motivation from other people. That being said, who do you stay sober for other than yourself? For me, it is my husband because I treated him like absolute garbage when I drank and he deserves a loving, caring, kind wife. It is also my beautiful angelic niece who deserves a sober, fun, energetic aunt that can run around with her in the backyard and throw her up in the air even though she's getting bigger by the day. I also stay sober for my mom who is disabled and lives in a nursing home, so I can visit her and be completely present and not ditch her because I'm too hungover. I also stay sober for my sister who deserves a good sister - something that I have not been in the past. I stay sober for my dad so he doesn't have to worry about me because he is a worry wart. And I stay sober for my brother, who shares my drinking problems. I stay sober for myself too because I deserve to feel WELL, but this does not have to be mutually exclusive. I stay sober for other people too. Who do you stay sober for? Make a list and write down why.

READ READ READ

There are so many books (and Instagram accounts!) out there that helped me when I first got sober. When I was reading these books and other people's personal drinking stories on Instagram, I was constantly and internally (sometimes outloud too...) shouting, OH MY GOD THIS IS ME. The concept of universality is the cornerstone of a sober life, I believe. When we share our stories, other people know and feel that they are not alone in their struggles. It lifts the shame from our hearts. Sharing is fucking caring - just like they taught us in elementary school.

My favorite sober books are "The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober" by Catherine Gray, and "This Naked Mind" by Annie Grace.

Catherine's book gives a firsthand account of her drinking life and how she broke free, and Annie Grace's book is more of an educational one that explains WHY we are all so drawn to alcohol. They are both so relatable. These are truly brilliant books. I believe everyone who wants to quit drinking should read those two books starting out.

SICK AND TIRED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED

This one is probably the most frustrating response people get from me because it doesn't offer any tangible solutions. Which is why I've stopped responding like this because it makes it sound easier than it is. And quitting drinking can be as simple as, "I am so fucking sick and tired of feeling sick and tired." Notice I said simple, not easy. Hangovers were the death of me. They led me into the worst panic attacks of my life - ones that landed me in the hospital because I was 100% concerned I was dying - and depression so low that I constantly fantasized about ending my life.

On February 2, 2019, after countless hangovers, a plethora of methods to get rid of hangovers (Milk Thistle, Pedialyte, drinking water before bed, taking ibuprofen, switching up alcoholic drinks, moderation, making myself throw up before bed, etc etc etc), I was done. I was sick. I was tired. I was absolutely and completely done. And that's a moment that came from years and years of attempting to quit. The trials and errors. The people I hurt. Hurting myself. Trying everything in the book to be able to drink "responsibly". Experiencing a Sober Spring. Meeting my new niece. All the ups and downs of life brought me to that decision.

This is a moment that you have to reach on your own and I hate saying that because I remember hearing it and thinking, "well fucking shit". No one will force you into this moment but that doesn't mean you can't find inspiration from others and use their words and their stories as a catalyst. That's what kind of sucks but at the same time kind of rules because it is on YOU. (This does not apply to anyone who is physically addicted to alcohol and needs to seek detox services and treatment.)

Nothing anyone ever said to me was the "ticket", the "thing" that made me quit drinking but all of their statements throughout the years played into MY decision to quit drinking. Hopefully that can give you a sense of power.

FINAL WORDS

You have the power to say, "Not another sip, no matter what". You can ALSO say, "One day at a time". There is no right path to quitting drinking. It's all personal preference. I find peace knowing I will never drink again because it takes away the mental gymnastics of deciding whether or not I should or can drink at THIS wedding or THAT bachelorette party. It's never again, and that's the most peaceful decision I've ever made in my life.

I know you can do this.

Love,

Stefania Bolles