How I Learned to Forgive

As a young girl, we all grow up dreaming of our wedding day. We visualize the type of wedding gown we will wear, we even visualize the attributes of a perfect groom, whom we have not met yet. Years pass and before we know it we will be dancing our first bride and groom dance under a beautiful romantic melody.

Speaking from personal experience, I had a beautiful wedding, I even had the chance to have a father and daughter dance. It all seemed perfect and guaranteed to last forever. But reality soon came knocking in.

Just within two years I had grown from a young woman to a mother and a convenient wife. My joy was substituted by anger and anxiety. I was just 22 when I signed the papers and filed for a divorce. I never thought that I would shift from being that happy beautiful bride to a single mom in three years’ time.

I was devastated, filled with agony and had promised myself that I would never forgive my former husband. I carried the burdens of my marriage and the weight of it felt as if I were carrying a mountain. I thought that putting an end to a toxic marriage would alleviate the pain, but it worsened because even though I had ended the harmful relationship, I was continuing to carry all the negative energy.

Depression was prevailing. Stress was over the hill. Hatred toward men was fueled. Who was I harming? The answer was simple- “Myself” by poisoning my thoughts. I was blaming my ex for making me go through this hell. Years passed and my belief remained the same. I hated men because I thought they were all the same.

One beautiful day a miracle happened. That miracle was something I had often heard of but never paid any mind to. Do you know what that miracle is called? Forgiveness.

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Why should one forgive?

Forgiving someone who hurt you is the most beautiful and rewarding thing you can ever do. Forgiveness relieves you from the pain locked between your chest, it cures the disease, which eats you from within. It helps you close a previous chapter and persuades you to open a new one with a feeling of contentment.

2. What have I gained from forgiving?

First and foremost, I gained inner peace. I became enabling to those people who were willing to help me. My mind was free from negative thoughts, my body no longer ached, and my heart was ready to once again fall in love. I understood that it was wrong for me to generalize and say that all men were the same.

3. Which path to choose?

You have the choice of either analyzing the situation over and over again. Or, to let go and accept the circumstance as a lesson, which you can grow and learn from. Every obstacle and challenge is given for a reason to redirect you to the right path, to make you grow stronger, to become wiser.

I tried to accept the situation as a lesson, rather than a trial. I sat down and tried to figure out what I had gained from my marriage and the divorce? I went on to study my Masters, which my former husband never supported. My son was growing up without his parents constantly quarreling. I cultivated many new friends who were always there for me in my time of need. I was on the right path to following my dream.

4. Correlation between Forgiveness and Self-Respect?

Forgiveness is crucial to help free one from the baggage you had been carrying from the past. Respect yourself, your body, and your mind. No one is worth your tears and pain.

5. Make it a ritual.

Every morning, the minute you wake up take a deep breath and thank everyone who is in your life and everyone who was once part of it. Every person in your life serves a purpose.

Repeat the following Mantra: “I forgive you for coming into my life, for teaching me a lesson, and for redirecting me to the right path. I forgive you.”