How Do I Want To Be Remembered?

God, where do I begin? This year has been excruciatingly exhausting. So much happening all at once, I just couldn't take it. I forced even more chaos upon me to distract myself from the pandora's box that was 2020. All the uncertainty and edging insanity had my spirit broken long before December came rolling around. So the New Year had no significance to me. It didn't feel like anything was going to get better, it didn't feel like it would all work out in the end. Why would it? How could it!? I had no energy to complete simple tasks, I pushed every single one of my friends away, and I didn't even want to see my family. A new year or fresh start wasn't going to rescue me from the dark abyss that had swallowed me whole. It felt like I had lost a large chunk of my identity. Every morning I stared into the mirror for minutes, only to have a complete stranger staring back. There was no shaking that feeling of being an empty vessel on autopilot just living out the rest of my pointless days...

Until I felt it.

A spark.

A spark from the soul I thought I had lost in the gutters of my mind. There was a molecule, a fraction of hope still left. Where did this spark come from? What ignited it? Well, I don't know if you'd believe it even if I told you. It was a song. Lake Shore Drive by Aliotta Haynes Jerimiah. My mother and I would listen to that song on repeat some summer nights on our balcony as we watched the sun go down.

I wasn't going to waste my last remaining amount of hope I had on a mere New Year's resolution. I needed something I could believe in. Something powerful. So instead, I used it to dwell upon a question. Simple at first glance, yet complicated in nature, however, it gave me a whole new perspective.

"How Do I Want To Be Remembered?"

It took me two whole days to come up with an answer I was finally satisfied with. In the end, it was very much worth it.

I want to be remembered as a genius who scoffed at the impossible. A courageous soul that always puts up a fight. I want to be remembered for my crazy adventures that inspired people to go set out on adventures of their own. I want to be remembered for all the daring feats I accomplished. I want to be remembered for how I changed the world for the better and how I greatly impacted it. They say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing, and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody utters your name for the last time. I want my name to be immortal. Mentioned throughout generations by every group of people all around the world. I want to be remembered for how I never gave up...

My heart instantly lifted and out came a flood of tears. Everything that I had been feeling inside. Everything causing my heart to ache and making my body numb was relieved. Life had color again. It felt like everything was going to be ok again. Because it was. It's easy to have lost hope in such a confusing time in all of our lives. Often times we get derailed from what makes us happy. Sidetracked from striving for the greatness we all know we can achieve. So minutes before we entered 2021, I took my lovely girlfriend to our spot, overlooking the city. My heart raced as we entered the final remaining ten seconds of 2020. On that final second, I took a deep breath and released every last bit of weight that was holding me down. So while the year is still fresh, while we have hope for a better year, ask yourself one question. How do you want to be remembered?