Healing Trauma to Break Cycles

Healing Trauma to Break Cycles

Trauma is a deeply distressing or disturbing experience that can manifest into toxic behaviors and or experiences that can be carried with someone for years, and can also be passed down through generations if the behaviors were initiated and learned within the family construct. Trauma can manifest in many ways. The most common way we see Trauma is through irrational reactions to external stimuli such as someone expressing something that someone else may not agree with. However, Trauma can been seen in all aspects of our lives. For example, perhaps you grew up with a mother who was made fun of for being poor as a child. So as an adult, raising her children, she may have required you to be dressed to a T at all times, including being too dressed up, at the wrong times. We may not see this as Trauma at the time, until we become adults and are dressed in our Sundays best even at the grocery store. Trauma can also cause PTSD which is a Mental Illness characterized by flashbacks or constant, uncontrollable thoughts of traumatizing experiences, causing debilitating anxiety and fear of the unknown. Ultimately, Trauma is the leading cause of the pain we feel, the pain we suppress, and the pain we project on to others. Hurt people, do in fact hurt people. This means, it is every ones responsibility to heal our personal trauma to break the cycle of pain for our generations to come. How do we heal Trauma? Here are three ways to begin to heal Trauma and break cycles.

KNOW WHERE YOUR PAIN COMES FROM, AND ASK YOURSELF IF IT SERVES YOUR LIFE CURRENTLY

Many times someone will say "I'm Depressed" but is unable to answer the question: Why? In order to heal, you must go to the source of the pain. For example, someone may say " I tend to attract negative or Toxic people in my life because I was raised in a Toxic household. Although this maybe true, it is also not an excuse. You have to acknowledge the toxic behaviors you saw as a child and use them as your red flags. If you see these same behaviors in someone, you know that person is not for you. Additionally, you should be taking these behaviors and ask yourself if they elevate your life in any way. If the answer is no, there is no need to think about them. We can not change the past, so there is no reason to think of the past. It is as simple is only holding these behaviors as a guide of what, or who not to be.

STOP ACCEPTING THINGS BECAUSE OF SOMETHING: BOUNDARIES PEOPLE!

Examples:

"I dont feel comfortable with this situation, but I cant not be involved BECAUSE they are my family".

"I hate my job. It is too much for me, it doesnt make me happy, but I have to stay Because I need money."

"Shes been my friend for years, but she isnt good for my mental health. I cant stop being friends with her BECAUSE we’ve been friends for so long."

This is the most damaging aspect of trauma, and the reason it is carried through generations. We all have a need to do whats best for our situation and mental health but when we doing things that do not serve our highest good because we feel we have to we are allowing ourselves to be controlled by external factors. The only validation we ever need is within ourselves.

It's all about boundaries. it is learning to be strong enough to say, I dont like this, I dont care who you are, I am not involving myself. It's about finding the strength to say yes, I need money, but im not willing to sacrifice my health or well being to attain it. It's about having enough confidence in yourself to say, I cant waste my energy on friends who no longer serve me. Stop dong things because of something, do them because they are for your greater good.

WE ARE ALL HUMANS AT OUR CORE, MOTHER, FATHER, BROTHER COUSIN ETC ARE JUST LABELS..IF THEY ARE TOXIC THEY MUST GO.

We are human. Before someone is a mother or father, they are human. And as humans we can be toxic. We can even be the toxic aspect of someone else's life. Because someone is a relative or a close friend, is not a reason to continue to give away your energy for people who are unable to give you theirs in return. For example, if your mother was nasty to your during your childhood and the behaviors have continued it adulthood, and every time you see her it is a reminder, mother or not, she must be removed from your every day life. How do you heal, with a constant reminder? Stop holding people to such high standards. Hold yourself to those standards.