Have You Ever let a Resolution Make Itself?

I feel as though I spent every waking minute of 2020 in a deep, introspective haze. I was constantly observing and evaluating my thoughts, emotions, and reactions to things. I felt a huge pull to go inward and take an honest look at the traits and beliefs I still held on to and question them. I was fed up with my own excuses and was ready to create the life I desired.

So by the time 2021 came around, I was burnt out on spiritual books, introspection, and anything "self-improvement". Coming to terms with, what I refer to as, the shadow body is no stroll in the park. And by golly I was exhausted!

So, unapologetically, I did not make a resolution this year. Instead, I was shocked as I watched a resolution begin to form itself.

I have not quite defined it yet, so bare with me here as I try to articulate what I’ve observed so far…

The morning of January 2nd is when I realized I had not made any resolution, whatsoever. Shortly after which, I realized I couldn’t care less.

Without an ounce of remorse, I got out of bed and rolled out my yoga mat (something I have struggled to be consistent with)

I went to YouTube and pulled up my favorite yoga channel, Yoga With Adriene, hosted by Adriene Mishler. Though she lives in Austin, Texas she has the most unique way of reaching through the screen and creating a beautiful space for millions of people, all over the world, to come as they are and "find what feels good." (not exaggerating there, truly millions.)

I pulled up her page and low and behold, she had started one of her infamous “30 day yoga journeys.” This one was titled, Breath.

With no intention of completing the journey I clicked on the first video, excited to just start my day off with Adriene and her adorable four-legged assistant, Benji.

I found myself on the mat the next morning. And the next. And then every morning after that. Returning to this challenge, returning to my breath.

This time, it was so natural for me to return to the mat every morning. I didn’t feel the familiar struggle or weight of the commitment. Probably because I didn’t consciously commit to anything, I just did it.

But, why did it seem so effortless this time?

Is it the plethora of new perspectives I am gaining? Is the fact we both have Texas roots?

Is it the invaluable tools I am coming to discover?

Is it the daily invitation to let go? Is it the permission to relax?

Is it the support I strangely feel as pixels on a screen say “and if you fall, it’s okay, we’ll catch you”?

The answer to all of these questions is YES!... But there’s something else. I’m on the verge of something here - I can almost taste it!

I’m discovering the reasons I have failed to follow through with every resolution - new years or not - I have ever made.

I’m finally beginning to truly understand what Ralph Waldo Emerson meant when he wisely stated, “Life is a journey, not a destination.”

I have noticed myself integrating presence into my daily life by spending some time with my breath every morning.

I catch myself throughout the day filling my belly with air, feeling all sides of my torso expand as the corners of my mouth lift and I breathe out radiant gratitude.

I used to rush to the finish line, just wanting to BE THERE already!

Now, I’m taking notes from nature. If you notice, nature is ever in a hurry - and yet, everything is accomplished.

I made some pretty hefty changes in 2020. I have taken so many leaps of faith that at this point, I have no other choice but to dive in.

To trust myself, to trust the process, and to trust that whatever power is out there - whatever that “something else” is I’m so close to tasting - is there to support me and guide me towards my purpose.

So thank you Adriene and Benji.

For creating a space for growth and inspiring me to trust myself, my breath, and the process.

And thank you, self.

For finally learning to let go and enjoy the ride.