Finding the way

“Surely it can’t be”, thought Alicia as she held her breath whilst scratching off the last bit of silver to reveal the picture underneath. She blinked, looked again, then laughed bitterly as she tossed the scratchie onto the table. “Just my luck” she said out loud, grabbing her coat and backpack on the way out. She left behind the little piece of cardboard, with the three matching cupcakes and the $20,000 designated prize amount printed in the winner’s square.

Alicia Burton wasn’t like most people. She inadvertently lived a frugal existence – always had and probably always would. Preferring to shop in Aldi and Kmart, choosing public transport over having to pay for car parking, and opting for the $2.50 large coffee from certain servos, instead of spending twice as much on a regular sized serving in a coffee shop. Her favourite pastime was walking and she loved her portable AM/FM transistor radio, whilst everyone she knew opted for a paid on-line music streaming service. She couldn’t bear the thought of an E-reader in the palm of her hand instead of the real thing – something that became a bone of contention between her and a previous partner. One night he returned home to find her lying on the sofa reading a library book, his exasperation was palpable. “You are surrounded by a state of the art 75-inch Crystal 4K UHD LED LCD Smart TV, a home theatre system comprising of seven surround sound speakers, a Blu-ray DVD player, a Nintendo Wii and a PS4, yet you prefer to read a book you haven’t even bought!” She never did understand his frustration – why should anyone care if she was reading a brand new book from a shop, or one borrowed from the library? But she made sure to always have the TV on in the future when he was due home.

As a successful business woman on a six figure salary, Alicia could afford whatever she wanted. Wherein lay the problem was her general apathy to life and material possessions. It wasn’t that she was tight - she gladly treated friends and family to nights out, meals, weekends away. She just lacked the passion and drive she saw in almost everyone else she met to own things. She had enough money saved for a 25% deposit on a half a million dollar home, and according to an on-line loan repayment calculator, she could pay off the remainder within 7 years without really trying. But how does someone decide where they want to live? How do they know how many bedrooms they want, or if a swimming pool or a study overlooking a park is more desirable? She currently house-shared with two other random people thrown together through “Flatmates.com”, as the thought of renting a complete property on her own filled her with dread. Alicia didn’t want to be paying someone else’s mortgage – she wanted to be paying her own. But she needed someone to tell her what to buy and where, as she really didn’t have the foggiest idea of how to start on the property ladder.

Then there was her car. A reliable little run around that cost her next to nothing to drive, was small enough to find parking anywhere and was cheap and easy to find parts when needed. Her colleagues ribbed her that someone of her stature should be driving something with a little more class – an Audi or Mercedes would be more befitting. Alicia just couldn’t justify the cost, but pacified people by promising to buy a luxury car when hers finally gave up the ghost (which wouldn’t be for about another 10 years if her calculations were correct). She lacked the maternal instinct most women possessed and couldn’t even face looking after a pet, let alone the responsibility of parenthood.

So when Alicia had bought the scratchcard earlier on in the day, it wasn’t because she was hoping for a windfall. Rather it was because she hated carrying around loose change, yet couldn’t bring herself to simply leave money lying around, as she didn’t know who might pick it up and whether they would put it to good use or not. She had already purchased the latest edition of The Big Issue and unfortunately there were no buskers around she could show her appreciation for by leaving them a gold coin donation. The Lotterywest store had seemed like a suitable solution to the jangling coins in her pocket left over from the traditional farmer’s market, who hadn’t yet gone digital with payments. The possibility of winning hadn’t even crossed her mind, because the last thing she needed was more money.

Alicia could feel her frustration dissipate as she briskly climbed up to her favourite spot overlooking the lake. A 270 degree natural panorama was her reward as she nestled back into the familiar nook she had created over time, largely sheltered by shrubs to the wind that battered the more exposed sections of the near-by walking track. It was only then she took out her little black book from the bag.

Ever since she could remember Alicia had been trying to figure out how everyone else managed to find happiness. Her upbringing hadn’t been too dissimilar to several others she went to school with, but something seemed to have happened in her teens to alter her course onto a unique path that she travelled alone. Whilst others were entering lifelong relationships, climbing their career ladder, buying a home or starting a family, Alicia bumbled along under the pretence of enjoying not having to stick to a 5 – year plan. The truth was she didn’t understand why she was born without the innate desire for… something, anything. She had gone through the motions – attended University, gone out with guys, even emigrated in case a change in scenery was the key to unlocking her confused mind, but to date it was all to no avail.

She flicked through the pages of her notebook, which mapped out her varied attempts at trying to find “happiness”. Alicia didn’t even know in what form “happiness” might exist for her, but she was open to anything. Counsellors had suggested meeting people – so she had joined “Meetup” – an online service that connects people with similar interests, volunteered at the local animal rescue centre, been on small group travel holidays abroad and socialised with colleagues. She had attempted to find “enlightenment”, “God”, a “higher being”, or whatever the term might be through the teachings of Buddhism, Hinduism, Christianity, Taoism, Shinto and Zoroastrianism, amongst others. She had tried focussing on making others happy, by giving her time to sit and listen to lonely occupants of the local retirement village reminisce of the days gone past, helping out at a number of Salvos stores and delivering food through the Meals on Wheels organisation.

Then there was the perceived need for a lifelong partner, a soulmate. It was getting harder to meet guys in the old fashioned way, so she had embraced some of the online dating sites and had even laughed her way through speed dating. Everyone always said that you find love when you least expect it, so Alicia concentrated on trying to make meaningful friendships rather than searching specifically for “The One”. She’d had a lot of fun times, new experiences and a large circle of friends all over the world. In many ways she felt incredibly lucky to live such a free and fluid life, not to be bound by what restricts so many of her friends. She knew others envied her way of life, just as much as she envied theirs.

Over time Alicia had developed her own personal mantra. She found the page in her book where it was written, but didn’t need to read the words as it was something she said to herself at least three times a day:

“If an opportunity presents itself and there is no good reason to decline, then always say yes. The worst that can happen is you do something you don’t enjoy and never do again. All you have lost is a bit of time. The flip side is you might discover what it is that can give your life meaning and purpose.”

She tilted her head back, closed her eyes and repeated it to herself several times. When she opened them she took a deep breath and set to the task at hand, which was what to do with the $20,000 she had just won. The cliché that money can’t buy you happiness had never seemed more appropriate, but surely she could find something worthwhile to put it to.