Fear of Knowing Who You Are

Part 1

While watching The Great Dictator--featuring Charlie Chaplin as Adenoid Hynkel (Adolf Hitler)—I am reminded by a memory of the past. North Plainfield, New Jersey is where I grew up and, as any child, I imagined it as a world of surrealism with strange characters. If you've ever seen the Nickelodeon cartoon called "Hey Arnold", then you can imagine how closely knit and eccentric the community was. Well, that was the gist of my surroundings growing up with neighbors of special interests. Did we have a crazy-cat lady to go along with that? Yes and, to this day, every time I see a cat, I think back to the swarm of cats that lived in my neighbors home. Thanks crazy-cat lady for ruining my view on cats. Anyways, going back to The Great Dictator, there was another strange character that taught me a lesson about self-acceptance.

The Dictator brought me back to someone I knew who lived across from me and owned a photo studio. He had a large dog named Shannon—I couldn't tell you what breed it was, but it looked like a mix of a Dr. Seuss character and "It" from Adam's Family. However, I do recall that my neighbor was a more than a fan of Charlie Chaplin—I would even go as far as to say he was obsessed. How did I know this? Well, for one, all his photos were based on the actor; and two, he would dress up as him for street parades. He was a kind soul and was a friend of the family. He would even invite me to be a part of the parade and march behind him while walking his doggy companion.

In the long run, he taught me something that no one else has ever demonstrated to me in my life. The lesson is to hold true to your passions and never be afraid to show who you really are or what inspires you. And no matter how much others may not agree, it is not your problem. Continue to hold on to kindness and love in your heart because you finally found what truly makes you happy. Thank you Charlie Chapman fan for showing me this lesson at a young age...although I am now able to embrace this at an older age...but I guess it's never too late.

Part 2

In the darkest moments of my thoughts, I ponder on the inevitability of our being. We are all conditioned by society to feel, think, and act a certain way and hide our identities if it doesn't fit the "norm". I feel this can be troubling to our true nature if we cannot accept who we really are. What if we were to sit down one day and look at ourselves from a third-person point of view? Are we willing to accept and/or come to terms with our way of being? One great example, that I can think of, that relates to the idea of self-realization is American Horror Story; although the series conveys the idea in a sadistic manner that really pulls the audience into the story.

American Horror Story is one of my favorite series of all time! Each season has its own way of expressing some interesting perspectives about personal struggles and political dilemmas in the most gory and horrifying ways. Hotel is one season I would like to discuss for most of this post; I'm giving you an early warning that there will be spoilers.

One character that I would like to bring up is John Lowe--played by Wes Bentely--who is a hot and steamy homicide detective that I couldn't stop sweating for...don't judge.

He seems like a pretty normal guy who has the ability to find solutions to very complex murder cases. However, to everyone's surprise...again spoiler alert...he realizes that he himself is the serial killer behind these murders! Mind Is Blown!!!!

So how did he get to this point? It took the help of his ghostly friends and lover to reveal his secret room of body parts associated with the Ten Commandments. Although James March--a previous serial killer and architect--started this bloody feat, John was unconsciously finishing his project. This revelation brought a lot of turmoil to Johh, however he had no choice but to stop pushing away and fearing who he really was; the Ten Commandments Killer. When he finally accepted this burden, he became mindfully still.

Now there is something to be said about this rather interesting story. The point behind it all is that at one point in our lives we try to push away the quirks, mistakes, limitations that make us who we are. In a sense, this also makes us unhappy with ourselves and we struggle everyday to push away what we see as "abnormal". Personally, I have struggled trying to eliminate the limitations and flaws that seemed unacceptable by societal standards. But soon you find out that you are fighting for years only to exhaust yourself mentally and that you have no choice but to stop fighting. However, there is a solution to this problem. JUST ACCEPT WHO YOU ARE and don't worry about other's judgments of you. As soon as you can let your guard down, and welcome your true self into your life, there will be no more fighting and your mind will finally be still.