F*ck Everything You Learned - Here's Why.

Imagine: you're a small child, and you ask your parents to take you to the park, and they say no abouuuut 50% of the time... perhaps it's just a fluke.

And then in high school, you ask 11 (YEP, ELEVEN) people to prom, and they all say no... but perhaps that's just a coinky-dink.

But then you get fired from one of the jobs you've LOVED because of a misunderstanding...

And then you find yourself in an abusive relationship with someone who belittles you and talks down on you for having dreams, and leads you to believe you're not worthy...

And your brain starts to pick up on some patterns here. Rejection, time and time and time again... What does it mean?

Maybe it means that the world is harsh.

Maybe it means you're not good enough.

Maybe it means other people are just plain stupid.

Every time you have an experience, you'll do your best to assign meaning to that experience based on these key things:

FACTS (the reality - what actually happened)

FEELINGS (the way a rush of chemicals makes you feel - which differs experience to experience), and

THOUGHTS (perceptions of the experience and the feelings as a whole, and what they, together, might mean).

It's a beautiful thing that we can have conversations with ourselves, in our own minds, to learn things and create meaning - this is how we've survived for so long - but when overdone in situations that aren't life or death, it can be detrimental to you.

So, experiences, then thoughts & feelings, then meaning. We got that down. Re-read if you need before moving on - this is good stuff and will help you later.

So, now, let's shift focus. Let me ask you this.:

When you are trying to make a decision, what goes through your mind?

Do you make a list, and weigh the pros and cons? Do you think about how it might affect others, or what opportunities might arise, or what outcomes and experiences you may have as a result of each choice?

That's how most of us do it. We weigh our options and choose the one that seems to fit.

But, tell me this... When you are looking at the future, envisioning and planning, what are you basing that picture on?

It's likely that you're basing the visions of your future on the meanings you've assigned to past experiences.

Here's the problem with this:

the meanings that we assign to our past experiences aren't always right, and if we use them to make all of our future decisions, we might be living more in the past than in the future.

Let's pretend you hate superhero movies. But your significant other is like, "Yooo! Let's watch Deadpool!" You might roll your eyes and agree, just to appease them. You sit there and watch the intro, thinking about every other time you've seen a superhero movie and been bored out of your MIND.

But then things get crazy, and things get fun, and you find yourself laughing on the couch sharing popcorn with your best friend.

As humans, we expect more of what we've had in the past, in the future. So you expected you would f*cking hate Deadpool. But you gave it the chance, it lo-and-behold, you liked it!

With movies, with jobs, and with relationships - things are always changing, so expecting what you've had in the past in the future, can make you say no to taking risks or leaps, for fear that it'll be just like every other time... And it really might not be.

Just because your parents told you no when you asked them to go to the park, doesn't mean your aunt will say no.

Just because 11 people didn't want to go to prom with you, doesn't mean the 12th will be the same deal.

Just because you got fired from a job doesn't mean you're not good enough, and it doesn't mean you're a bad person.

And just because you've been in an abusive relationship doesn't mean you are undeserving of a loving one.

When you've endured rejection after rejection, it's easy to let your brain reinforce thoughts of unworthiness and feelings of low self esteem. It does this to try to protect you from emotional pain and stress - but actually ends up causing it.

I want you to pause to think about this for a minute. What are some of the mean things you say about yourself in your head - or things that make you feel lowly?

Once you uncover and address these, how do you feel about seeking the things you want?

Well, if you ask me, because I'm speaking on experience here, I feel afraid. I have felt this many times before: afraid of failing. AGAIN. Afraid of making the wrong decisions, afraid of not being good enough, and afraid of being rejected, because for so long, that's all I knew.

And so, perhaps, when we experience all of these rejections and are afraid of them happening again, we just stay still.

We stay comfortable and cozy in a job that we know well, even though we might not be happy in it...

Or we stay with a person who doesn't give us what we need or what we yearn for, because at least they chose us, and if we're alone, we're more likely to experience more of that rejection we've had in the past. Shit.

It's all well intended - after all, we're just trying to protect ourselves from the hurt we've had before...

But by staying still, we allow the negative meanings that we've placed on our experiences to determine how we conduct ourselves in the present, and ultimately, how we shape our future.

Note: It is NOT our experiences that hold us back. It is the meaning we assign to those experiences.

We hold ourselves back when we live in the past instead of in the future, and don't give our experiences a chance to be different than the last.

So, when you address your dreams and ask yourself, "WHY AM I WAITING? WHAT IN THE EVER LIVING F*CK IS STOPPING ME?"

And your answer is one of the following:

"I don't have time..."

"It won't work out," or

"Well, because this experience/person ruined me," or

"Because I can't do it," ...

you aren't digging deep enough.

To dig deeper, all you need to do is ask more questions when you have these thoughts.

What do you mean you don't have the time? You just haven't created the time or made space. Why haven't you made the time? What are you afraid of?

Why do you think it won't work out?

What do you mean this person ruined you? What makes you believe that you are ruined? You're still here, doing the thing, right?

You can't do it? Who told you that? Can you really trust them, though?

Shedding limiting beliefs is the first step to living our your dreams. Asking questions and addressing thought patterns that do not serve you are a positive step in kissing those b*tches goodbye and creating new thoughts and habits that become big, beautiful things.

So tell me now...

What are you waiting for?