Embracing the art of Self Love

image by Kamilla Varga

hi, i want to start this off by saying that this is not for people who are genuinly struggling with their mental health!! if you are please reach out to people who can help you!!

these tips are from my own journey to self love and whilst i'm not fully there yet, i've been working on myself for around 2 years now and this is what has worked for me so far!! i hope you are well :)

- allow yourself time to heal

healing from your traumas is a personal journey. avoid comparing your growth to that of others and allow yourself as much time as you need to heal. everyone is different and no two experiences are the same, even though they may fall under the same umbrella term, every single trauma is different and so too should be the growth and healing that comes afterwords. let yourself know that it is okay to take more, or less, time than others to start feeling okay again.

- find people who inspire you to do better

find a role model, then consider these questions:

what is it you love about them? why do they inspire you? how could you incorporate their good traits into your own lifestyle?

don't copy people, but let them inspire parts of your growth. if you look up to someone who you think is a good person, evaluate what aspects of them lead you to loving them, and think about how much of that energy you give off to others. having a physical and human copy of the person you want to be makes it so much easier to work towards that.

in addition to this, recognise that that person also has flaws that they can't control. they have experiences they are healing from. they have demons they're battling. you are no worse of a person than them for having a history, it is these aspects that make us human.

- highlight your flaws

despite being possibly the hardest part of working towards loving yourself, it is definitely one of the most impatful. you have to be aware of the flaws that you can control in order to better yourself. you can't build on a ground with no foundation. you have to highlight these flaws in order to work towards eliminating them and replacing them with good characteristics.

for example, maybe you find yourself judging others for simply being themsleves. pay attention to this and call yourself out each and every time you catch yourself mocking the way someone expresses themself. after this, work towards replacing this reaction with a better one, like complimenting strangers, whether thats out loud or in your head.

you will never fully achieve inner peace until you accept people for who they are and recognise that there are always ways you can better yourself.

- surround yourself with good people

it goes without saying that having a good support system goes a long way in the process of healing and discovering yourself. by surrounding yourself with people who make you happy and allow you to destress, rather than upset you and stress you out, you are removing a whole bunch of potential issues out of your life that you don't need to deal with whilst working towards being a better person who cares about themselves.

being able to witness people love and care about you will definetely aid you in appreciating the fact that you are a good person who is full capable of being loved.

- set boundaries

let yourself know that it is okay to not be comfortable with certain situations. it is more than okay to let people know when they're crossing a line, even if they didn't realise the line exists. always make it clear what you will and won't accept in friendships and relationships!! this again removes unnecesarry stresses from your life and allows you to focus solely on the things that matter in your life, including your journey to self love.

- appreciate the little things in life

if you wanna romantacise your life, romanticise your life !!! let yourself enjoy the things you think are insignificant. if you want to watch the sunset whilst your favourite song plays, do that. embrace the little things that make you happy and try and fit them into your life somehow. it does waaaay more for your mental health than you'd think. being able to find beauty in even the ugliest of things allows you to find small bursts of hapiness in loads of different places and helps you build on your ability to see the positives in an otherwise negative situation!!

for example, some of my favourite tiny moments of joy are navy and orange sunsets, late night drives with good music, looking up at clear blue skies, passing by palm trees.

- compliment yourself

the only approval you ever need in life is your own!!! receiving a compliment every day from yourself definetely helps lead you to a happier, more positive mindset. if you put together an outfit that looks great on you, TELL yourself it looks good on you. it is so important that you appreciate your own beauty.

- fake it till you make it

fake arrogance. did someone say you looked good today? tell them "damn right!" proudly joke that you're the smartest in the room, text your friends and let them know you're outfit looks amazing!! the more you say these things the more real they become to you.

- let go

let go of the hatred you have for others, recognise that the only person who is negatively impacted by your own hatred is yourself. the person you hate isnt affected by you hating them, but you are. its okay to not hate those who have wronged you whilst still appreciating that they arent as good a person as you once thought they were. you dont have to hate every bad person you come across and thats okay!

letting go of this hatred allows you to free your mind from lots of negative thoughts, and open your mind to newer, positive ones!!!

- practise self care

always make sure you take care of yourself. spoil yourself, take that relaxing bath you've been craving, put on a face mask, take a night off but self care isn't limited to a few fun nights a month. its also having a good skin care routine that works for you, allowing yourself down time to relax and let loose, taking up a hobby that you find fun and energising.