Brewed Awakenings

On January 1, 2017 I opened a small drive through coffee stand in the charming seaside town of Seward, Alaska. Although I had never been a barista before I had experience in the food industry and management. When you make espresso, it is particularly important that the grind is correct, you tamp properly and that your shot is extracted in a certain amount of time. In Alaska espresso is revered. And I am not stating that lightly.

As a transplant from good ole’ Daytona Beach, Florida I have to admit to being apprehensive of attempting to break into such a specialized field that the people here take so seriously. I had practiced before opening. I would take free drinks to the local stores and to friends so that I could get feed back and work on my skills. At last, the appointed day came. It was a new year, my first time as a business owner and a new career.

When my first customer pulled up, I was terrified. I really wanted to make certain his drink was up to standard. As a woman just turned 50, I had all my eggs in this one basket. I ground out the shot. No! It was too fast. It probably took me 10 tries to get it right. But I did not give up and finally produced a product I was proud to serve.

With a beating heart and trembling hands, I gave the older gentlemen his drink. This dear fellow looked me right in the eye and said, “That took you 25 minutes”. My whole world shattered. This business had to work. I put everything I had into getting it started. I searched my mind for an appropriate response. All I could think to say was, “I can only get better”.

Four years later, I am better. I have been told many times that my stand makes the best coffee in Seward. I am proud of my accomplishments. I have employed people over the years and tried to be the kind of boss I would like to have. I have watched people’s kids grow up. Many of my customers have been regulars since my first Winter.

Still, I feel like a failure and have self-doubt pretty much everyday of my life. I get up. I do it all again. When my boyfriend told me he was proud I didn’t quit, I had to ask, “That’s an option? Why didn’t someone tell me?” I have felt like quitting so many times. 10-to-14-hour days 7 days of the week for the first 2 years was no easy task.

Yet here I am still making my way in the world. This past year was especially stressful with all that has been going on. Luckily even with the travel restrictions, Alaskans are………. Alaskan. We still had business thanks to many people taking the opportunity to explore the state while there were not as many tourists as usual.

It would be a lie to say I have been successful in every endeavor I have ever undertaken. I have made some monumental mistakes in my life. I am still paying for some of them. You can’t make espresso without grinding some beans. And you can’t get through life without some hard times.

As I look ahead. I know I will have many hard days. But I will have good days too. I will rage. I will cry. I will laugh. I will have moments of pride. I will have moments of shame. I will get up every day and do it all again for as long as I can.

For the coming year, I will remember that I can always improve and I will continue to ignore that quitting is an option.