Beauty is

You see it all of the time in those parenting groups online, typically mommy groups. It's almost always one of the first statements someone makes when they meet your children for the first time:

"They look just like you (or your significant other)."

Although this is typically meant as a compliment, it's so difficult to really say that with a baby. It's a running joke with my husband and I that all babies look like aliens until about two years old when they start to look like little people. My oldest, for example, didn't look like anyone really on just his cute little self. A lot of the time I would hear "he looks so much like you!"

As he gets older he has started to come into his own individual self. Without delving too deep into the details, he has a different set of DNA than the younger two. Once he started coming into his own the stronger traits are slowly creeping through. Just like every other baby, he started out with the typical blue eyes and fairly bald head. It wasn't long after though that his eyes and hair started to darken along with his skin tone. Although many people still tell me he looks like me, it's hard to ignore that most of his traits are reminiscent of the other person. I don't hold that against him, he is so handsome in his own individuality.

With my second there is no denying he looks like his father at the moment. For the moment it seems the recessive genes are stronger (things like blonde hair, blue eyes). Along with the lighter hair and lighter eyes, my second has also inherited a rather light complexion as well. Just as with my oldest he is handsome in his own individuality.

Beauty can be rather subjective at times. We've all had a moment where we thought someone or something was beautiful to us, but when we brought it up to another person they came back with the "you're insane," look on their face. Typically that was the case with the early on school girl crushes. This concept can also be applied to things such as a person's peaceful place, or ideal vacation spot. Some people love the cold air of a snowy mountain top while others prefer the warm breeze of a sunny beach.

So when it comes to the question of what is beauty, there is no real answer. To some people the idea of beauty includes designer clothes, a face full of makeup and never being seen as being disheveled. Others see someone in jeans and a t-shirt, or even pajamas as the most beautiful person in the world. Growing up, I struggled with all of these concepts. Never skinny enough, eyes were too dark, hair was too curly or even sometimes too straight. It is always so hard to remember with the advertisements and social media this day in age there are many different beauty standards thrown in everyone’s faces, including the most impressionable audience, the children.

After working with at-risk teenage girls for a few years it was never more apparent how influential society is to their self-image. Every day something new would be brought up from the clothing that was “in,” or something that another individual had that made them “bad.” Hearing these girls compare themselves to these figures in the media can become very heart breaking. Acne, height, hair color, eye color, all of these things are criticized leading each kid to believe they aren’t beautiful or handsome because they don’t fit what they believe is the golden standard. I’ve had this conversation with my oldest as well, making sure to let him know that no matter what anyone else says it is important, the Holy Grail if you will, that you love yourself. When you love yourself, you take better care of yourself, and when you love yourself that’s beautiful.