A splash of tea and drama

This past year has been a real doozy. But, I try to keep on kicking, even when it’s hard to even pick myself up to start the day. My heart beats for my children: Ismael, David and Noah. My youngest son David, who was born on 2/21/2024 was diagnosed with Spina Bifida before he was born. We had to do a repair in utero (myelomeningocele) to prevent spinal cord damage and possible paralyzation, which was such an arduous, complicated process.

The meetings before the surgery where they basically told me that this surgery had no benefit to myself and it was risky on many levels. The actual surgery prep, the surgery itself on December 12th, 2023 (5 1/2 hours of being put under), and then the months of struggle after recovering was a challenge. I had immense pain after the surgery up until my son was born. I was always exhausted and I missed Christmas Day with my family because of minor complications due to after-surgery recovery, (I had been leaking fluid and they were concerned I was going to have him soon).

My son was born about a month early and was about 5 pounds and 4 ounces, which got below 5 pounds after a few weeks admitted to the NICU. Once he was home with us, he was happy, cuddly and perfect: I loved him dearly even before he was born but now even more now. It was a survival and maternal instinct to keep David healthy and safe until he was born, and once he was in my arms, I was totally in love.

It only became more clear that David would need ongoing care and checkups with the staff at Washington University and Children’s, with routine ultrasounds and doctor visits being our everyday. As things seemed to be going well, we had gotten news in early September that shook us all: David needed a surgery as they had found a pocket of spinal fluid that had accumulated and he needed either a shunt or an ETV to help drain the fluid to prevent brain damage (hydrocephalus). We decided on the ETV since if this procedure worked, David wouldn't need anymore surgeries or repairs after and would drain the right amount of fluid,(the shunt for David’s situation might overdrain). The shunt was more likely needing to be replaced and more surgeries after no matter what. I am only speaking for my family and my son, so in no way am I saying that a shunt isn’t a good choice, I am only speaking from our own personal experience.

Since that second surgery, David has been thriving and growing, moving his legs and laughing up a storm!

When it comes to motivation for everyday, dreary things such as making meaning to life, I find that the little things can really improve my mood and create a sense of humor, joy and liveliness in an otherwise stressful and difficult world.

Though the last year or so has been trying, very hard and incredibly stressful, I find that God can only give us what we can handle, I try to be mindful of the blessings and good things I have in my life.

One thing I love to do is cook for the ones I love. I bake homemade snacks and cookies with my seven-year-old son Noah, teaching him safety and measuring, (I also home school Noah full time and take him to therapy as he has autism). I love to cook fried chicken and make homemade sides (mac and cheese is my own recipe, and mashed potatoes & homemade gravy!) which fried chicken is something I recently learned how to do!

Minny Jackson from The Help: “Fried chicken just tend to make you feel better about life.”

I tend to side with Minnie here. Fried chicken really does make everything feel better! 😆 Honestly, I have always found refuge in cooking but this scene in The Help was a cathartic release:

Learning how to make food from scratch with all the love in your heart stretching to your fingertips to the plate: its a release of pain and a truly visceral healing moment for me.

As for my oldest son, Ismael, we love to laugh. Mostly about life, dumb things, silly things. We bond through TV and movies. We definitely enjoyed Robin Williams in The Birdcage, finding Nathan Lane and Williams to be bust-a-gut hilarious. Arrested Development was also a funny show we loved to laugh together with. Our newest obsession is Only Murders in the Building: Martin Short is hysterical and so is Steve Martin. We also love all the Studio Ghibli films like Spirited Away and Howl’s Moving Castle and we loved WandaVision. Something we love to do is get comfy and have a snack to watch our fav show or film!

And of course, I would be remiss if I didn't mention my writing.

My writing has evolved from a rat’s nest of disorganized jumbles with a side of humble pie that I really needed to sort through—-and honestly, as Princess Carolyn from Bojack Horseman says to herself often in the mirror: You got to Get your Shit Together!

So, Vocal helped me to do that, as well as open up my voice to other perspectives and just see myself in a more professional way.

I have been working with multiple publishers since then, but, that doesn't mean I haven't had setbacks! I have more rejection emails than I have approvals! I save all of my rejection emails to keep me motivated to be better.

I am particularly excited to share my books through my latest indie publisher JMS Books. My newest book Atonement, a sequel to The Half Paper Moon, will be available for purchase on JMS Books on November 23.

Here is the official cover my publisher sent me:

I also have a plethora of short stories that are going to be on the JMS platform currently and soon! The Space Between Us is available now! Here is the full list of my crime drama/queer romance books that will be published on JMS Books: The Job, The Space Between Us, The Unlikely Bounty and Atonement. If you are in need of a quick romance with no strings attached 😆 then check out my books!

In my books and stories, particularly The Half Paper Moon by Golden Storyline Books, there is asexual representation through one of our main characters, Barbara, who never felt sexuality the way everyone else did. Intimacy meant something deeper than sex, and her physical sensations were off rather on, so to speak. I honestly feel asexuality is such an underrepresented thing, and I truly feel that Barbara was someone I could truly relate to.

All in all, this doozy of a year has taught me so much. I have cried, fought and drove myself to survive, thrive and believe. Belief in God, in myself and my family. Its also in our human ability to hope that we can find our own meaning and balance to the everyday havoc and stress life can force us to deal with. Laughing, writing and cooking up new dreams and meals have been my meaning, with my children as my heart.

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Side note: Atonement is now Available to pre-order today!