A palace by the sea

Janice knew this was going to be the last time she seen this familiar view. For the last 17 years, she had watched almost every single sunset from this point. Her entire childhood was tucked away in corners of the house. The crook of the trees. The path down to the beach. Particularly, in the stretch of shore that had been her playhouse for as far back as she could remember. Every happy moment, every milestone. Her birthday parties, holiday gatherings, and most recently, a graduation party. Even her first kiss had been here, in the dying embers of the setting sun. All so cozy and happy. That was before the diagnosis. This place now held the sad tinge of descent. The decline of the one true rock in her life had been heartbreaking. It had happened so suddenly that it was hard to recall the shock of finding out that time was limited through the pain of knowing it was already gone. She would have to move on now. But how? How was she supposed to be away from the sea, these memories, these sunsets? Away from everything she ever knew? Reaching around with her arms to hold herself, she cried softly into the darkening night, breathing in the salty air. How could her whole life become a memory?? The last of the light was seeping down the edge of the horizon, as if it, too, was saying goodbye. The crash of the waves seemed to be calling to her father, beckoning him, confused as to why he hadn’t come. This time, it was just her, and it would have to be enough. She headed down the path towards the water.

Once at the edge of the sand, she stood staring out, as the tide crept ever deeper around her ankles. She began to weep for the company this place had once kept. How many long walks along the shore? How many laughs? How many sandcastles had been carefully built and washed clean by the morning? Every shell, every stone, even the birds calling, was a painful reminder that nothing would ever be the same again.

Looking along the shore, it seemed odd that the place had become so achingly sad. Ever since her mother had left, and they moved here, this place had been her solace. A place without sorrow, ills, fears, or rejections. Every grain of sand had a piece of her life in it. And a piece of her father. He had always made sure to give her his entire attention. Looking back, she wondered in awe how he had done it. But he surely had. He had somehow made her forget that she didn’t have a mother. He had been everything seamlessly. Now, without her father, it felt there was nothing left for her here. Or anywhere.

As an unusually large surf broke upon the shore, a conch shell of pearly white was left after the foamy wave rushed back to meet the water. It gleamed in the small silvery light of the rising crescent moon. She picked it up and cradled it. Her father would have been overjoyed by a “gift from the sea”. She tried to be joyful but could only whimper softly as she tenderly caressed the smooth curves.

Crumbling to the sand, Janice swept her hand in broad swaths across the tiny pebbles, just like her father used to do. A pale green light brightened, then faded, with the passing. Over and over, she lovingly brushed the sand in paths, watching as the luminescent followed. Her father would delight in the act, spending hours at night sharing this with her. He had explained to her too many times to count about the minuscule lifeforms that caused the faint glow. Every so often, when the situations were just right, the wave themselves would glimmer. On those special occasions, he would allow her to stay up way past her bedtime. They would run and laugh under the stars, leaving green footprints in the sand, and pointing amazingly when an especially bright wave topped. Such magical moments for a little girl and her dad.

Clutching the shell, Janice pulled herself up from the beach and forced herself to run along the shore, looking back at the trace of her feet in the sand. At first, it was joyless and mournful to see her tracks all alone, but just as the anguish of grief pressed down to crush her heart once more, an extraordinarily luminous wave crested and broke, right within her sight. Even through the blurriness of tears, it was by far the most radiant she had ever seen. At that moment, Janice knew her father was there somehow. His scent blew by in the breeze. He was reaching out in comfort from the other side. The significance of some higher power granting him this last, conclusive night in the moonlight, with his little princess, transformed the whole ordeal for her.

In an enchanted flash of reminiscence, she was again a small girl, holding tight to a strong hand, gazing up with bright eyes and a shining smile at the man that had given her the world, in a small stretch by the sea. And come tomorrow, she would be strong and keep going. She would take all this place, and specifically him, into her heart and remember it eternally with love, not pain.