A Glorious Year

Cheers to the new year, 2021.

As we all know and can attest, life has its unexpected twists and turns, but I am certain that no other year will ever be harder or more challenging than the previous. I am hoping that you, 2021, will have brighter beginnings and much sweeter endings.

Throughout my twenty-four years of what I thought was living, I constantly tried to please those I love and do what I thought society expected. This caused me to be at a complete standstill with myself during these past twelve months. Tears and vices were not enough to keep me afloat during my post college graduation spiral. No one prepares you for the real world. Just you, yourself and the lessons you have learned that you carry insecurely on your back. And sadly, sometimes those lessons are simply not enough to keep you from letting your head slip under. Overwhelmed by it all, I found myself suddenly terminated from my job with not even a glimpse of a silver lining in sight. Not realizing my unhappiness, I self-sabotaged and lost everything I worked so hard for. All I had left was just a raging headache full of lingering regrets.

Adulthood is something I still cannot explain, but it is something that our bodies just seem to become accustomed to – almost like a robotic feature that suddenly switches on. We do the necessary tasks to survive, and if you are one of the lucky ones that is actually happy doing it, then you have indeed found the golden ticket to life – and you are envied by everyone. Trying to move on from my mistakes, I interviewed around and drudged on as society urgently told me to do. I ended up finding the same type of job, and I found myself just as discontent. Staring into the mirror, I did not recognize the girl looking back. Instead, I saw a lifeless soul with shame and disgust that seeped out of her skin. It felt as if regret floated around me like a haunted shadow constantly, and no matter how hard I tried, I was always struggling to escape the darkness. So exhausted I could barely just exist, the past twelve months continued to slide downhill. That is when I realized how badly I needed 2021. At least that is what I kept telling myself.

The other day I sat in my bed reflecting on the year. It was like an automated voice message that kept ringing in my ear telling me that I just needed the year to end. A message that said 2021 will bring me a better life. 2021 will change my current state of mind. It will all get better. But I realized that it’s not just 2021 that I needed. I needed a new mindset. I needed to find and hang onto some sort of piece of positivity. It was like an epiphany that struck my body. I realized that I have the power to change the outcome of my life, and somehow I am just lucky enough to still make that happen.

So, 2021, you will be the year of change. No longer will I follow in the machine-like footsteps of society. Instead, I will follow my own footsteps and pursue my lifelong dreams. No longer will I believe that my aspirations are fairytales. Instead, I will find the confidence to turn them into a living reality. You will be the year of much needed self-love. A year where I will celebrate my own accomplishments and take time to appreciate. Instead of pleasing those I desperately struggle for approval, I will say and do only what brings me joy. You will be the year that brings me enough courage to attend therapy. No longer will I tell myself I am fine and it is just temporary. Instead, I will seek help from a professional and learn the tools I need to know to help me succeed. You will be the year that brings me tremendous growth from all my adversities. You will be the year of hope. You will be a glorious year; I can feel it.