Taking Time Away
This writer found that seeking the stillness and paring down life was the way to regaining equilibrium
It's been a tough few weeks for me. There have been a lot of things happening and all of them can be grouped under the heading "Life".
In no particular order:
- I've been made redundant
- I returned to a working life I thought I'd left behind and it unsettled me
- A close relative died
Mixed among all of these quite crucial life events was all the other detritus of modern living: silly things like the busyness of traffic and the management of a household and getting exercise and organising teenagers to bigger picture thinking like worrying about the world at large and what that means for my kids and what does it all mean?
I felt crowded out. I felt like there were a lot of things that were out of my control and that I was floundering. I saw a clip of something on social media which showed someone who had been swept away in a current in a gorge but had managed to scramble out onto a fallen tree. The torrent raged under him as he sat, his clothes stuck to him, shaping his torso so that you could see the pink of his cold, hypothermic skin. He shivered, his head lowered, his body hunched. He looked lost, scared, and in need of rescuing. His static weariness made me fear for him.
It also resonated with me. That torrent was life for me. It had taken me and I was completely at its mercy. So many things that had been normal for me were now being displaced: losing my job which had been my routine for almost three years; returning to a place of work, a school, where I had once been confident and competent, and confronting the fact that I might be returning to a life that I was not that sorry to leave behind; and then, a dear relative dying and all that that presents: the loss, the mourning, the emotion, the space left, the dynamic shift it presents in other relationships.
And with all of that, you have to try and keep your head above water. You have to keep on keeping on. I don't have the means to stop - I have too many people depending on me to be what I am to them and I don't want to let anyone down. I am lucky that this is a driver for me rather than a burden otherwise life's torrent would still be tossing me about, careering me into rocks and boulders and ducking my head under the rapids until my lungs creaked.
I managed to scramble out but I was that kid sitting on the fallen tree. In shock. Still functioning but in a bit of a state.
When I feel like this, I have to pare my life down, make it manageable. Experience has taught me this. When things are out of my control, I look at what I can control. Turns out, not a lot. But it doesn't have to be a lot in order for me to feel better. It just has to be enough. So what gives?
Family matters to me and so, whilst it may also be a stressor in some ways, it can't be compromised. I must be there.
I had to go to work. I'm getting paid until the end of the month and despite my feelings about the whole thing, I feel a sense of duty to do the job well. It's not just me who's been dispatched: my colleagues are also having to find other work so it's not a reflection on my ability. However, it still smarts.
And a funeral? Well, you just have to get through them, whatever they present.
I needed head space. I needed to sit and just be. I needed the bombardment of life to stop, or at least to lessen.
The world is getting me down at the moment. I know that there is a lot of good out there but the internet has not been feeding me enough of it to keep me sustained. I have been avoiding the news and social media. I feel better for this.
And Vocal. I love this place in so many ways. It is, for me, a bonus that I never thought that I would have available to me. Write and launch. It's so easy to get my words out there for people to read! I can type, save, submit and within moments it's live. What a wonderful world we live in! I genuinely mean that - Vocal is great.
I bought some typesetting blocks on one of my shopping excursions and the thought of having to set these up to print something...can you imagine? I mean, that line alone would take what? A mass of minutes as opposed to the quickness of my fingers dancing over the keys. Never mind, ink and paper and multiple copies to bind...
But as is often the case with these things, with convenience comes inconvenience. The lurkers. The bots. The annoyances of the sly.
Vocal was getting me down. I never thought I'd say it but it was. It was bots; it was AI. I hated the thought that someone was benefitting from my words. I hated the fakery of it. I felt like I was dealing less with a creative space and more a place where words make money and it doesn't matter if those words are crafted, plagiarised or generated.
But it wasn't just AI. Vocal was also, at a time when I needed a boost to my ego, when I was feeling low, a little of a disappointment. The last challenge I entered, I wrote an entry of which I was inordinately proud and had some really wonderful comments from readers who had taken time to engage with it. But it never placed and I felt engulfed by the cold mist of neglect generated in having been overlooked.
Normally, I have a shield which protects me from the succubus that tries to feed on my self-worth. But not this time. Not being noticed hurt. I cried. I'm upset now as I'm writing. Remembering how low I felt is still vivid. I'm not trying to take away anything from the other challenge winners. I've had my fair share of victories and I've often been chosen.
However, at a time when I needed a boost, not being chosen left me cold and dejected. I was already being rejected by employers; I was experiencing grief from a death; the world was (is) going to hell in a hand basket and my phone delighted in telling me this every time I picked it up.
Fuck.
Black cloud all around.
What's it all for? Why bother to try? Am I good enough?
I was tired, weary. I needed a rest and shared that fact here:
I knew what I had to do. I looked for things that would help.
I sat. I knitted. I read. I detached myself from the virtual world. I walked. I planted things. I listened to music. I wrote with a pen on paper. I reached out to the local community. I visited church (architectural reverence rather than spiritual but there's something about them...).
You see, I'm not defeatist. I wouldn't say I'm a fighter because I'm not aggressive but my spirit is strong. I've had a good life on the whole but I've been through some challenging times and gained a lot of knowledge about myself as a result. Fundamentally, I've learnt resilience and I am confident about who I am and of what I am capable. Sometimes, it gets cast into doubt but I rarely stay there in that shadow. Multiple knocks brought me to this point of weakness and the wound was felt but it will heal, I know that and I'll carry it with me as I move beyond, conscious of its mark but no longer hindered by it.
Taking time has brought me to somewhere new and I like its stillness and its softness. So, I am going to limit my time on the internet. I don't need the noise. I am going to limit my time on Vocal. I may not publish as much although I will still write.
However, there are fellow writers here who I deem friends and I will continue to support them because they have been there for me and that means such a lot - I can't really express how much.
Why the disconnection with Vocal? Vocal - it's not you, it's me. Taking this time has made me realise that writing needs to be my thing and at the moment, I need to reconnect with me and my voice and why I do it, rather than contemplating why my words are not chosen. I feel out of balance and I need to feel that external validation is nice but not needed. I'm not really sure who me is now. All is in flux and Vocal and how I sit here is part of that.
These moments are good. Even though they're demanding and send tremors through your very foundations, they are good. And they need to be approached as such: not feared but seen as an opportunity, new vistas, all of those meme poster clichés. It's like a button has been pressed to reset. I don't like the shake up that severe life events present but what living has taught me is that they are transitory and that these dark days will pass. I have the tools to deal with it and I am sincerely grateful for that as I am the ability to express it and share it with you.
About the Creator
Keep reading
More stories from Rachel Deeming and writers in Longevity and other communities.
Death Takes A Sideswipe
I don't like thinking about death but it seems to be making its presence known to me at the moment, despite my attempting to ignore it. It's coming at me from all angles and I view its presence like trying to get past an angry cat as it tries to sideswipe me with its claws. I'm not getting hit but it's coming close.
By Rachel Deemingabout a year ago in Longevity
Day 4 of Quitting
If this is how sobriety feels, maybe it’s better to go through life a little buzzed… this, along with other hits like, I want to kill myself, I wish I was dead, and I’m going to throw myself off a bridge have been the only thoughts on rotation these past few days. I promise myself that if, in a month, I still feel like this (‘this’ meaning despondent, full of rage, and simultaneously numb) I can go back to smoking. Until mid-February though? Nicotine is off the table.
By sleepy drafts4 days ago in Longevity
Mapped: Global Inflation by Country in 2025
As the world enters 2025, inflation remains a pressing concern, reshaping economies, influencing policymaking, and affecting the daily lives of millions. From soaring grocery bills to rising energy costs, global inflation continues to be a topic of intense scrutiny. Mapping inflation by country provides a revealing snapshot of the economic health of nations and highlights the uneven impact of monetary and fiscal policies worldwide. A Patchwork of Inflation Rates Inflation is far from uniform. While some countries are experiencing moderate price increases, others face alarming surges that threaten economic stability. According to recent global data, the highest inflation rates in 2025 are concentrated in countries grappling with political instability, currency devaluation, or supply chain disruptions. For instance, several emerging markets in Africa and South America report inflation exceeding 50%, reflecting deep structural challenges. Conversely, advanced economies like the United States, the Eurozone, and Japan have managed to keep inflation relatively contained, typically within the 2–4% range. Central banks in these regions continue to employ monetary tools, such as interest rate adjustments and quantitative easing measures, to balance growth with price stability. Yet even here, consumers notice subtle shifts in daily costs—from housing to transport—demonstrating that even moderate inflation has tangible effects. Drivers of Global Inflation in 2025 Several key factors have driven inflation patterns this year. One major contributor is energy prices. The global energy market has been volatile, with oil, gas, and renewable energy infrastructure costs impacting both production and household expenses. Countries heavily reliant on energy imports, particularly in Asia and Europe, have felt these effects acutely. Supply chain disruptions also play a role. While pandemic-related bottlenecks have eased compared to recent years, geopolitical tensions—such as conflicts in Eastern Europe and trade disputes in Asia—continue to create uncertainty. Industries from electronics to food production face challenges in sourcing materials, which in turn drives up prices for consumers. Currency fluctuations are another significant factor. Countries experiencing rapid depreciation of their national currencies see imported goods become more expensive, fueling domestic inflation. Venezuela and Zimbabwe remain extreme examples, where currency crises exacerbate the cost-of-living crisis. Regional Patterns and Surprises Mapping global inflation reveals intriguing regional trends. Latin America continues to experience high inflation, with countries like Argentina and Brazil witnessing double-digit increases due to fiscal deficits and volatile currencies. In contrast, neighboring Chile and Peru maintain relatively stable prices, reflecting stronger monetary frameworks and proactive policy responses. In Africa, inflation hotspots such as Nigeria and Sudan reflect both political instability and rising food costs, while South Africa and Kenya maintain moderate inflation thanks to more effective economic management. Asia presents a mixed picture: India and China have seen manageable inflation, while Pakistan and Sri Lanka confront higher rates due to energy and currency pressures. Europe largely benefits from coordinated policy responses through the European Central Bank and other regional mechanisms, though Eastern European nations face elevated costs due to energy dependence and geopolitical risks. North America remains relatively stable, but the U.S. Federal Reserve continues to weigh inflation control against potential economic slowdown. Implications for Policy and Consumers Global inflation data has profound implications for policymakers. Central banks must balance the need to curb inflation without triggering a recession, often requiring a careful mix of interest rate adjustments, monetary tightening, and stimulus measures. Fiscal policies, including taxation and government spending, also play a crucial role in influencing price levels. For consumers, inflation impacts purchasing power, savings, and lifestyle choices. High inflation erodes income, making essentials like food, housing, and healthcare less affordable. Countries with persistent inflation may also experience social unrest as citizens react to declining living standards. The Path Ahead The 2025 global inflation map underscores the importance of understanding both macroeconomic trends and local contexts. While advanced economies leverage sophisticated monetary tools, developing nations remain vulnerable to external shocks and internal inefficiencies. Economists argue that long-term solutions require structural reforms, improved governance, and diversified economies to withstand price pressures. As the year progresses, monitoring inflation by country provides valuable insight into global economic health. While challenges remain, data-driven strategies offer hope for stabilizing prices and ensuring that economies can grow without imposing unbearable burdens on citizens. In a world of interconnected markets, no nation is immune from the ripple effects of global inflation. By mapping these trends, policymakers, investors, and consumers gain a clearer understanding of where the risks lie—and how to respond to them effectively.
By Fiazahmedbrohi 3 days ago in Longevity
Comments (21)
Wow... what a whirl wind, but also so proud of you for coming out the other side!! Belated congrats on honourable mention on the leaderboard last week, Rachel!!
love to you, dear mother. such burdens you have been dealt, but you have handled these cards with grace and wisdom. thank you for sharing 💙
Oh my friend, I am so sorry. The grief, the disappointment, the job - all of it. Throw in the "hell in a handbasket" and everything's a gigantic clusterfuck. I know you'll get through it though, I know that you know you will. 🤗🤗🤗🤗
Hi Rachel, I was away from Vocal yesterday, so I have some catching up to do. I would never describe you as anything but a fighter. You know when you overcome obstacles, of course, and that's what you're doing. I will miss your stories, but I will look out for others that you write. Take care, my friend.
I am sorry I am coming to this one really late, my chum. Hugs. Do we do hugs? Are we that kinda chum? Idgaf tbh, it's what I'm starting with and that's it. I am really sorry life has been so fucking cruel to you and do know you will get through, but also know how insurmountable that challenge can feel. Especially when it feels like you've been hit in both your work life and your family life.. I think about you often - so, notice when you're not as active. But, just figured you were taking some Rachel time, and didn't realise the magnitude. Sorry I dropped the ball on that front. I am sorry, and know how it feels, a lot of this. My work life changed last year, I've had too much grief in the last 5 years for a lifetime imho. And challenges, I know how hard it can be to put your heart and soul, as Joe said , lol, this is definitely me talking and not a bot, and to have it overlooked like it was nothing. And know that's how it feels even if it's not how it is. We can't win them all all the time after all. But it stings more when you're personally invested in it. Rachel, you are loved and cared for, as you can probably tell from the comments here. Just want to make sure you realise that (though know you are a sensible person and do realise such things, it's still worth saying) And I am glad you did, as I figured as reading this, the things that bring you peace and joy. And even if you're not there yet to being over it, if that's such an actual thing, at least yuou knew the right steps to take and didn't slip into a black void of flavoured vodkas and some tasty crack (I don't know what your poison would be but figured that might make you laugh - so go me!) I will continue to keep you in my prayers and thoughts and all that. And like Joe said too, and like I know you know, writing something you're proud of and then get nice comments about, I often think is a reward in itself. It's easy to say that though, isn't it? hah. Anyway, Rachel, I feel I might start circling. Hugs. Sorry. Hugs. Sorry. So will end it right here. Much love to you and your family, my chum.
It's nice to read through the comments and see genuine words from genuine people who care about you Rachel. I'm sorry it's been such a tough time lately, and I hope things begin to slowly get better. I hope putting these words down has helped in a small way to clear your head too. "I sat. I knitted. I read. I detached myself from the virtual world. I walked. I planted things. I listened to music. I wrote with a pen on paper. I reached out to the local community. I visited church (architectural reverence rather than spiritual but there's something about them...)."- I'm so glad you did all these things. Being back out in nature, or on the street, or with people face-to-face, is something we need more and more of these days. Don't ever feel that you need to justify yourself to anyone on here:) In regards to Challenges, it can really suck when you've put our heart and soul into a great piece and it ends up just becoming another overlooked story or poem. It's the nature of the beast here unfortunately- it's a numbers game, but it's also really hard not to take rejection personally. "I need to feel that external validation is nice but not needed. "- wise words we could all heed. Placing on here is awesome, and I'd never say it wasn't something to aim for, but the real worth hopefully comes on the inside from you crafting something you're proud of. Thinking of you and your family🙏
Heyyy Super Rach! Yes, no matter how hard life is hitting you and how down you feel, you'd always be Super Rach to me. I mean, come on, you're still here. You didn't give up. You said you have people depending on you and you showed up. Which also meant you showed up for yourself. You were there for you when you needed it the most. You did what was the best for you, to keep going. I know you got this! If you ever need someone you talk to or just vent, you can reach me via email, Facebook, or Instagram. Sending you lots of love and hugs ❤️
May you continue to find peace in the relative quiet of your family, away from the cacophony of the internet
Dear Rachel. I am so sorry you've been through such a rotten time. I think losing a close relative would have been enough, but all the other things too. I am glad you took a break and I truly hope you're feeling a lot more like yourself. I think that is the wisest thing you could have done. And by the way, your writing is excellent - you know this. I totally understand the frustration and heartache of not placing or being recognized. Sometimes it just hits you a bit harder in the chops than you were expecting. I really was so glad when I saw a vocal notification that you'd published something. Take care and make sure you look after yourself.
Very sorry to hear how tumultuous life has been lately, Rachel. And condolences for your loss. I think there's a lot of wisdom in stepping away and I think I'll need to follow in your footsteps at some point. I'm glad to hear you'll still be writing even if it doesn't make its way here. Keep bothering, because you're certainly good enough. More than actually. Validation from Vocal can be such a shot in the dark to receive (especially if it's a poetry challenge, but honestly all of them), and there's pressure to do something special for more recognition afterwards. I hope getting away from all the noise helps you regain an ear for your own voice. Wishing you well and know that you are missed!
BritBud - We are all in the same 'VocalVillageBucket' - We despise being copied; I've seen my drawings on peoples stories! What can we Do to fight Inanimate Ai machines; they have no heart. The next generations 'Creativity' is turning into a giant 'Crib-Note'...! No 'Sweat-There! As said in our back/forth interactions. The redundancy wasn't about you - obliviously a house cleaning-downsizing within so many j.o.b. categories of late - But, it certainly still 'stings.' - I So Care - CalBud
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. For all its faults, I'm glad that Vocal is a place where you can air your thinking. The comments people have posted here in response to your piece actually made ME feel better about things, and I hope they have helped you as well. I've only recently started entering Challenges, and I have felt that sucker-punch as well. "What do you mean, you don't think my story is wonderful? How could you?" It's like not making the cheerleading team oh, so many years ago. Sending you hopes and wishes and positive thoughts; I hope your world improves soon. Keep writing.
Oh Rachel! I'm so sorry life has been so difficult for you with so much loss and upheaval at once. Just being a mom of teens is enough to want to bury your head in the sand and then you toss in everything else! I have felt the disappointment and discouragement when my work has gone unnoticed before, too. There have been times I put my work out because I needed to feel like there was something I could actually do right. Even when it didn't get much notice on Vocal, I often found encouragement from your comments. I really could never fully express how many times your kind words ended up being that log I was clinging to when the flood of life was sweeping me away. I have missed your stories and your supportive comments. But I fully support you finding the new balance that is right for you.
Funerals are never easy when the person is close, but their memory lives on in you and that is the important part. I can relate to having life disrupted, but as before stubborn perseverance is working for me as it has in the past. Bottom line, it's just good to hear from you again my friend
It is so nice to hear from you, Rachel! I’m so sorry for all life has thrown at you as of late. Losing a loved one is always so heart-wrenching, and that grief is so, so heavy. It settles down on everything we are and do. With that pain and with your job, it sounds like you were going through so much, and I hope that taking a step away from everything helped you find moments of peace, and refocus and reframe what you want for YOU. I got chills reading about the things you did after stepping away, because those were such deeply human things that I just know connected you more to your life and to the world around us. As for Vocal, I understand what you mean. Sometimes when I’m really proud of a piece, as well as stuck in a bad place, it can feel like a gut punch to not receive validation for it. And as great as this platform is, the AI and bots stuff is kind of depressing. I look back at all the definitely fake/AI comments I kindly responded to over my past year on Vocal, especially in the past few months, and feel cringed out and embarrassed for doing so, as well as stupid. Now, I try to just stray away from it, ignoring most of those stories and comments, and I find that at least for me, out of sight, out of mind. It’s an unfortunate reality, but there are so many real and great writers on here too that make it so worthwhile. On a different yet somewhat related note—if this deeply moving and vulnerable story doesn’t get Top Story, I’m going to war with Vocal like I’m a damn Viking.
I am sorry that life has been especially nasty of late. Do recall that we both managed to endure that mad, "publish or perish" challenge, and that you kept my spirits up when juggling full-time teaching, my failing health and the daily, digital grind seemed too much for me to bear. You are a gifted writer and a kind, generous, perspicacious human being. No bot or blithering bureaucrat can take those sterling qualities from you!
I’m so sorry for your loss, Rachel, and the disruption to your life. You’re a wonderful writer, and I am pleased to see that you posted today. It’s always a pleasure to read you.
So sorry to hear of your difficult times… trust you are soon able to find a new balance. We’ll miss you but obviously you need to focus on yourself and your family. Take care.💖
Rachel, I am sorry for all you have endured and the loss of a loved one. I know that when life gets difficult, sometimes the best thing to do is retreat- But it's not running away, it's going into the self to process, manage, heal & begin anew. As for the bots & whatnot here, yeah, It's a sure nerve picker for me, too! One of my recent top stories had a decent amount of likes and comments, but sure enough, when I looked to see where the love came from, a certain percentage was nothing but bots and trash. It felt like a sucker punch, honestly. I appreciate your open and honest feelings about not receiving recognition in one of the writing challenges. I know that feeling. Personally, I felt unseen, unheard, a direct link to instances outside of writing when I felt the same. I've since made my peace. Please do take care of yourself. You are a genuine talent and a writer I admire❣️❣️❣️
Oh, Rachel, my dear friend, this felt like life gave me a low blow as well. But your resilience is shining through. I know how it feels to be dependent on a job and when you lose it it’s like the ground is no longer there. But I’m sure something will turn up for you. It absolutely has to for a good woman like you. I’m glad you took time to rebalance even though I missed you here. Vocal is not the same without you for me. And I’m so glad you are back!
Aw Rachel, It is good to hear from you and glad that you are taking stock and doing what is best for you. So much to unpack and so much to say. Firstly I am so sorry to hear about your relative and the funeral, Grief is so difficult to navigate. Also the job - it sucks but in the end I hope that you find something that brings you joy x Vocal. Hmmm. You have always been one of the things that make Vocal what is/was. I'm not sure. I am so grateful to have connected with you through here. The bots etc have put a dampner ont he place and so too have the 'good job' comments etc. so we have distanced ourselves quite a lot. It takes too much. The not placing I felt in my soul. I have cried too many times over it - But as you say it doesn't reflect on us. Its a bot making a list x You are very talented and more importantly, a kind, wonderful human. Just take care of you x Anyway, sorry for the essay x