Is there gluten in this?

Living with chronic illness isn't easy. Most people would look at me and not realize something was wrong inside my body. However, every day is a struggle of decisions to ensure I feel okay. I can't eat at restaurants without looking up the menu. First, to see if I have options. I can't take food from a potluck without asking a million questions. People are exhausted when I ask, "Is there gluten in this?"

Then when they roll their eyes and say, "Let me guess, you're allergic." I have to hold my tears back, realizing they don't even know how wrong they are. They have been conditioned to think this question is cliche or trendy. For me, it's survival. If I have even a smidge of gluten, my insides stop working. My body stops absorbing nutrients and essentially starves itself, trying to fight off the gluten invader. You see, my body thinks gluten is a foreign entity trying to destroy me, so my body tries to destroy it and protect me. This disease is called Celiac. And this silent disease is in charge of every food decision in my life. A quick definition, gluten is a protein found in wheat, barley, and malt.

I can remember a moment when I went to a restaurant to have pancakes, and they were labeled "gluten-free" I was excited because the waiter even verified that they make the pancakes in separate pans dedicated to gluten-free. So my pancakes come out, and I am so excited I eat a bite. They tasted so good I stopped chewing, looked at them, and realized they didn't look gluten-free. (Gluten-free items are usually denser and whatnot from the different flours they use to make the pancakes.) I started crying, thinking I accidentally ate gluten, and the waiter came back, rolled his eyes, and insisted I was wrong, that it was gluten-free, and that I was overreacting. I never went back to that restaurant; I felt embarrassed and horrified. I don't know if those pancakes were gluten-free, but I was sick afterward, and whether that was my fault or not, that is a regular interaction for us with celiacs. Another time, they added wasabi to a sushi roll, which wasn't on the menu that way; when I asked the waitress to bring me the packaging to check for gluten, she said no. My friend spoke up for me and told her that "she could die." And the waitress brought it out immediately. It was an exaggeration, to be sure, but the waitress should have been more accommodating to my disability.

I have so many interactions like this one with wait staff, and some of you may be thinking, well then, don't eat out. By that logic, I should never have a dinner date out with my husband to try a new restaurant. I should never attempt to take my daughter to lunch on a day off. I want to live my life; I want to have experienced still. However, my health is worth more to me, so I only eat at a restaurant if I call ahead and vet the knowledge of the establishment and gluten ahead of time.

Most people assume we are making up the sensitivity; they assume we overreact and don't take it seriously when we ask questions. My husband eats gluten, and I can't kiss him right after he eats it. He has to use different pans than me and a different toaster. This disease is debilitating and ruthless. One small mistake, and you are throwing up and down for weeks. Fortunately, my symptoms aren't as bad when I accidentally ingest gluten, but I feel like crap for days.

My purpose for sharing this part of my life is to let you know what it is like. That you should be grateful for your ability to eat whatever you want. That the decision to eat is probably easier than mine. However, more of what I want from the community, in general, is sympathy for those of us who ask the question, "Is there gluten in this?" There should be more education for the masses, and servers do not need to roll their eyes when we ask this question. The next time someone asks about gluten, be kind and advocate for that person advocating for themselves; you know more now, and we need your help.