The "f*ck no" of Life

Have you ever felt a subtle, nagging unease, a whisper in the back of your mind that asks, “Is this all there is?” Life, as they say with a touch of wry humour, is far too brief to navigate without a little…pazazz.

We instinctively recognise what we don’t want, those resounding “no”s that echo with unwavering clarity within us. The “f*ck no,” as the saying goes, is often strikingly obvious. It’s the dead-end job, the draining relationship, the obligation that feels like a lead weight in your soul.

But then there's the other side of the coin, isn't there?

The elusive “hell yes.” That resounding affirmation, that inner compass point directing you towards true north. And finding that, truly grasping what ignites your soul, what makes your heart sing, what truly resonates with your deepest self... well, that can feel infinitely, sometimes twenty times, harder.

It’s as though our deepest desires are shy creatures, hiding in the shadowy corners of our minds, reluctant to step into the light.

But they are there, waiting to be discovered. The trick, it seems, lies in asking ourselves the right questions, in being willing to delve into the slightly…uncomfortable corners of our inner landscape.

Because sometimes, it's in those very places of discomfort, in those moments of gentle unease, that the most profound truths about ourselves are waiting to be unearthed.

So, how do we begin this gentle excavation, this uncovering of our authentic desires?

Here are 10, perhaps slightly unconventional, certainly uncomfortable, yet undeniably effective ways to dig a little deeper, to nudge those shy desires into the light, and to finally reveal what it is you truly, deeply want from this precious, fleeting life.

1. Pen Your Own Farewell:

The Obituary Exercise. It might sound a tad morbid, perhaps even a little unsettling.

But consider this, writing your own obituary is an incredibly potent exercise in clarifying what truly matters. Imagine yourself at the very end of your days, looking back over the tapestry of your life.

What achievements, what contributions, what moments of joy and connection do you genuinely wish to see woven into that narrative? What impact do you hope to have made?

Notice the feelings that arise as you write. The things you feel a pang of longing for, the accomplishments that genuinely stir a sense of purpose within you, these are often potent clues, whispers of your truest desires taking form.

2. Listen to Your Echoes: The Advice You Repeatedly Give.

There’s a quiet wisdom in the guidance we readily offer to others. Consider this, what advice do you find yourself consistently doling out to friends, family, even acquaintances? We often, unconsciously, teach what we ourselves most deeply need to learn, or perhaps, what we already intuitively know to be true and valuable.

The advice you freely give to others is often a reflection of your own inner compass, pointing towards the very directions you yourself are meant to explore. Pay attention to the patterns in your counsel, they can illuminate pathways you might be hesitant to acknowledge for yourself.

3. Follow the Flow: Audit Your Bank Statements.

Money, in its essence, is simply a form of energy, a resource that flows where our attention, and indeed our values, are focused. Take a look at your recent bank statements, not with judgment, but with curiosity. Where is your money actually going? What are you consistently investing in? Are you spending on experiences, on material possessions, on personal growth, on supporting causes you believe in?

Your spending habits, often unconsciously driven, can reveal a great deal about your underlying priorities, about what you truly value, and therefore, about what you might genuinely desire to cultivate more of in your life.

4. The Quiet Hours: Observe Your 6-8 PM Unwatched Moments.

The hours between 6 and 8 in the evening, often after the demands of the workday have subsided but before the evening truly settles in, can be revealing. What do you gravitate towards during this ‘in-between’ time, when no one is watching, when you are free from external pressures and expectations?

Are you drawn to creative pursuits, to learning something new, to connecting with loved ones, to quiet contemplation, or perhaps simply to unwinding with a favourite pastime? These choices, made in the absence of an audience, often reflect your genuine inclinations, your intrinsic desires surfacing when the external world fades into the background.

5. Digital Detox & Journal Dive: Delete Social Media for 10 Days.

This one might feel like a digital amputation for some, but the clarity it can bring is remarkable. Delete your social media apps for a period of ten days. Resist the urge to simply replace that scrolling time with another digital distraction.

Instead, keep a journal. During the moments you’d normally reach for your phone to scroll, reach for your journal instead.

What do you genuinely miss most during this digital detox? Is it connection with friends, the flow of information, the creative inspiration, or simply the habitual distraction?

Journaling through this withdrawal can expose your true motivations, revealing what aspects of online life genuinely nourish you, and perhaps, more importantly, what you can happily, and perhaps beneficially, live without.

6. Snapshots of the Soul: Check Your Camera Roll.

Our camera rolls are often unintentional visual diaries, fragmented stories of what captures our attention, what sparks our interest, what we instinctively feel compelled to document. Scroll through your camera roll with a fresh perspective. What moments, what scenes, what subjects consistently appear?

Are you drawn to nature, to urban landscapes, to faces of loved ones, to artistic details, to moments of humour, to grand vistas, or to quiet intimacies? The images we capture, often without conscious deliberation, can offer a surprisingly accurate reflection of our subconscious interests, our visual cravings, the things that genuinely resonate with our inner aesthetic and emotional landscape.

7. The Daydream Scenario: Imagine Quitting Your Job Tomorrow.

This is a powerful thought experiment, one that can cut through layers of obligation and societal expectation.

Imagine, for a moment, that you were financially secure enough to quit your current job, effective immediately, without consequence. What would you actually do with your newfound freedom? How would you choose to spend your days, your weeks, your months? Would you travel, create, learn, volunteer, dedicate yourself to a long-held passion project, spend more time with loved ones, or simply revel in quiet contemplation?

The answer, unburdened by practical constraints, often reveals the work that truly feels like play, the pursuits that genuinely energise and ignite your soul, the paths that beckon when the noise of obligation fades away.

8. Mind-Wandering Musings: Track Your Thoughts in Boring Meetings.

Ah, the ubiquitous, often soul-numbing, meeting. Yet, even in the depths of corporate presentations or lengthy discussions, our minds have a remarkable tendency to wander, to seek out more engaging terrain.

Pay attention to where your mind drifts during those moments of enforced boredom. What subjects, what ideas, what daydreams consistently pull your attention away from the drone of the meeting?

Do you find yourself planning creative projects, strategizing business ideas, imagining travel adventures, or musing on philosophical concepts? These mental wanderings, often dismissed as distractions, can be valuable indicators of your underlying passions, the areas where your mind naturally seeks stimulation and engagement, the seeds of desires waiting to be cultivated.

9. The Stories We Tell: Notice Your Self-Narratives.

The stories we tell about ourselves, both to others and to ourselves internally, are incredibly revealing. Pay attention to the narratives you consistently share when you meet new people or recount anecdotes from your life.

What aspects of your experiences do you choose to highlight? What roles do you consistently cast yourself in within these narratives? Do you portray yourself as adventurous, creative, analytical, compassionate, resilient, humorous?

These recurring self-narratives often reflect the qualities we value most in ourselves, the aspects of our identity we consciously or unconsciously seek to project and reinforce. They are clues to the self-image we aspire to embody, and therefore, to the desires that drive our self-perception.

10. The Green-Eyed Lens: List What Makes You Jealous.

Jealousy, often viewed as a negative emotion, can, paradoxically, serve as a surprisingly insightful compass.

Make a list of the things that genuinely trigger feelings of envy in you. Whose lives, whose achievements, whose qualities elicit that pang of…longing? But here's the crucial reframe, envy isn't about wanting to possess what someone else has, it’s about recognising what you yourself deeply desire to cultivate in your own life.

Envy, when examined with honesty and self-awareness, can illuminate your unacknowledged aspirations, pointing directly towards the very qualities, experiences, or achievements that resonate with your own, often hidden, desires.

The answers that surface from these explorations might not always be comfortable.

They might challenge your current path, question your established routines, or nudge you towards uncharted territory. But it is precisely in these moments of discomfort, in these honest confrontations with our inner landscape, that the most profound and authentic truths about ourselves, and about what we truly desire, are waiting to be revealed.

Embrace the unease. Lean into the questions.

For within them lies the key to unlocking a life lived not just with pazazz, but with genuine purpose and deeply resonant joy.