Kansas City, What A Nightmare

Alarm goes off. It's 4:30am. I gotta be at work at 8:00am. It's 4:30. What am I doing awake at 4:30 in the morning? I live a 20 minute walk to work. Well, I gotta get up, make the bed, feed the dog. He's a schnauzer. His name is Joe. He's got food. Good good. Gotta take him outside. Gotta bring him back inside. Gotta feed myself. What am I gonna make? I think I'll make eggs.

Eggs, scrambled, just like every morning. The biggest decision you gotta make is whether you want to wrestle with the toast or not. Why do I gotta have the toast with butter? I gotta put the butter on the toast right as it gets out or else it'll just be like eating butter on a stick, but with bread instead. Well, the toast has protein in it, so do the eggs. The more protein the better. They say, scrambled eggs scramble your brain. I'm not going to wrangle in the whites vs. the yolks or dying the whites yellow with the yolk or sunny side up or flippin' the pancake or whatever. Just scramble the eggs. Yeah, that'll be good.

No, dog. You don't get my eggs. Thanks. This is my toast. I just fed you. Thanks.

Ok, now it's 6:00 in the morning and I basically got an hour to: shave my face, find my socks, make sure I don't put on dirty pants, comb my hair, get rid of the frizz, tie my shoes, button my shirt.

Oh wow, it's 7:30am. I'm about to be late for work if I hit the wrong stop lights. Good thing there's only two. Good thing I woke up at 4:30 this morning. So the cycle goes.

Time to go to work. Looks like it was 7:20am, not 7:30. Today's my lucky day.

I already had all my work in my briefcase ready the night before because I'm just that kind of guy. I learned that a long time ago, never looked back. You know, that was when you felt the obligation to choose: should I have my work clothes ready the night before, or should I have my work ready the night before? Both seem to be extravagant. I'll definitely be getting my work ready the night before. All the papers are in order, all the invoices have been shucked, and I can just start processing the paperwork right as I walk in the door.

That office. It's a nice office. You know, I worked hard for that office. I stuck my neck out, you know?

Ah, a fed. There he is. Maybe he's the reason why I got a good extra 10 minutes for my little walk to work here in The Big Apple. I wonder what that's all about.

Time to put my head down and get into that office. The dilly dallying can wait for later. Dilly dallying should be a right. Was that a reprimand? Hm.

Anyway, here's work. Time for work. Getting in there, getting it done, doing my service to the customers, to the brokerage, and therefore to the firm. America.

It's 7:55, got to talk to Deborah. She's a nice gal. Oh wait, that was Smarty Pants. He's Smarty Pants from back on the block. My eyes must be playing tricks on me. That's enough, Smarty Pants. You are too smart.

Here it is. The office. Section manager, at your service. Where are my petitions? Oh, it's only 8:00. I should still have some from yesterday, but I already got all my work done before I left work so nothing there. Hey, what's on the agenda today?

"Hey Hank. Got a sec?"

Ah, the boss man needs to speak to me. Good ol' Marvin.

"Sure, take a seat."

"Hank, I need to speak to you in my office."

"Ok, great. I'll be right there."

He was already out the door before I could finish. I got up, pulled up my pants, and went to my boss's office.

"Hank, good to see you." He shook my hand.

"Pardon." I replied.

"I just got a phone call today. We are looking to make a move to purchase a new router for our databases. It's some high tech stuff. It will be very advantageous to our company and it will bolster competition."

"Sounds great. How can I help?" I said.

"The manufacturing plant is located in Kansas City, Missouri. We need someone to go out, look at the product, ask the right questions, get the job done, get past any mishaps, get the shipment in the door."

"Ok, sounds good. I'll have to get a rental car."

"Great. You can take the company credit card. I already got one set up for you. Here you go."

I take the card from Marvin's hand.

"You can leave tomorrow. I'll expect you back here next week Thursday."

"Ok. It will take me a few days to drive out there. Where am I going."

"I'll e-mail you the details here in a minute."

"Sounds great. I left this stack here on your desk yesterday. These are the results of the internal audit we conducted. You will find there are some signatures missing on some of these, nothing that can't be fixed with a cover letter explaining the missing signature, what happened and whatnot."

"Ok,"

"Devin should be able to write up the cover sheets in case the lookup is finished while I'm gone."

"Great. We have a meeting at 12:30 this afternoon, I'll be expecting you to be there."

"Will do."

Out boss's office and back to mine, company credit card in hand. Got the alarm set for 12:10, and I'm good for the pickin'. It is now 8:08. I guess I should start callin' around to get a rental car. It shouldn't be hard to do in July in New York City.

Call one: Rentalprise. It's a catchy name. Brrp brrp. brrp.. brrp. brrp brrp.. brrp brrp. brrp.. brrp. Music to my ears.

"Hello, thank you for calling Rentalprize. My name is Shannon. How can I help you?"

"Hey Shan. Thanks for asking. I was wondering if you fine people over there at Rentalprize have any cost-efficient cars for rent for about a week these days?"

"Sure. What days can I book your appointment for?"

"I'll be needing the car from tomorrow to next Thursday."

"Ok, July 19th to July 27th, correct?"

"Yes, that is correct."

"It looks like we have one Toyota Camry for rent for the price of $29.99 per day, with a $200.00 deposit. Is this suitable for your trip?"

"Yes. That will be great."

"Ok. Just hang on a second and I'll bring up your total."

"Great."

......

"Thank you for waiting. Your total comes out to be $439.92. Can I have your first and last name?"

"Yes, Henry Kissinger. That's K-I-S-S-I-N-G-E-R."

"Thank you, Mr. Kissinger. What is the credit card number?"

I give her the credit number, the expiry date, that good ol' three digits on the back there.

"Ok. Now I will charge your credit card for the full amount of four-hundred and thirty-nine dollars and ninety-two cents on the credit card for the Gronger and Ford Firm on the Toyota Camry for the dates of July 19th to July 27th. Two-hundred of those dollars will be refunded to your card 24 to 72 hours after the car is returned on July 27th with the vehicle in good condition."

"Oh, don't worry. It will be in fantastic shape."

"Great. I just ran the charge through, and you will be seeing it on your bank statement by the end of the day today."

"Same day bank statement? We must be in the new millennium!"

We laughed.

"Definitely," she said.

"Well, thank you Shannon. It has been lovely talking to you."

"You too Mr. Kissinger. Have a great day!"

"Same to you."

The American no-good-bye click is probably one of the greatest things about freedom. It's nice to not have to worry about what Shan thinks about me not saying good-bye to her. I'm not her husband, you know?

Got the car in order, now we're good to go for tomorrow. It's now 8:45am. The rest of the day should be a breeze, got some of those folder dollars stacked on my desk this morning.

Nothing better than a motivated work force. It fits my idea of how America should be ran. Run America, run. Just like that good ol' assembly line. Now to look forward to that nice drive on over to Kansas City. Kansas City, located right in the heart of the American mid-West.

Before I know it, it's 12:20. Time to get into that conference room. Let's go. Here's first truck out of my chair. Nope, second try. Wrinkle-resistant slacks is the way to go all the time.

On my way to the conference room. I'm happy that when I buy wrinkle-resistant slacks that it says it's wrinkle resistant, not giving off the impression that there are no wrinkles at all. That would be unAmerican and illogical.

Sitting down in my conference chair, I'm happy that the wrinkle resistant action is taking place. Money well spent.

Graphs, numbers, projections. It's all a part of life over here on the Main Street Manhattan. Can't be slippin' up on those. It's all a part of the main drag, the big to-do. Lots to do today.

I wonder if I still have that suitcase from the other year. Wow, it's been a while since I travelled. The open road. Hopefully it's newly paved because everybody likes to save money on gas an suspension costs.

"Hank, what do you think?" the motivated Charles asks.

"I think that the likelihood of Homes For Furlough LLC. staying afloat these days would be a long shot, but if they played their cards right, if they invested enough, if they had the right plans and the right people, they could come up on some revenue with their corp."

"So, no?"

"Yeah."

"What about Trinity Inc.?"

"The tech company? Where are they at?"

"You can see here that their prices have peaked over the past few days and for the past couple of months, there hasn't been much of a difference in their views."

"That gives off the impression of a stagnant revenue. You think it's gonna shoot up or something?"

"Yes. I think that Trinity will go very well."

"Ok, well, let's keep that in mind."

"I will send it up to the board by the end of the day today."

"Great."

Now I get to sit back and enjoy the rest of those views.

2:30pm? Where has the time gone? Well, getting down to business is getting down to business and business is good. What am I going to wear? Darnit. It's either do laundry or go shopping. Looks like I'm doing laundry. Hopefully I don't run into Janet in the laundry room. Sometimes I think she's waiting around sniffin' everywhere to get into that laundry room before me.... Or do I just want to sniff her? Oh my gosh, what a thing to say. What a thing to think! I know I don't like anyone. Laundry it is. How's it going Janet? Don't like women's underwear, just so you know. Wow I'm a pervert. Stop thinking about Janet.

What if I planned this whole router business just so I could see Janet in the laundry room? I need to find a hobby.

Spreadsheets are the loveliest things. You know what? Spreadsheets are my hobby. No. It's those executional formulas. Yeah.

I wonder what time it is. It's a good 3:45. Almost time to leave. Let's start The Shutdown. Print out the things, close the stuff, shut down the computer, organize the pens, double check the folder bin. Work all done, the usual.

Time to go.

"Hey Hank if you wanna take off a couple minutes early, go right ahead."

Just kidding. Sitting here, twiddling my thumbs, until right there at the 4:00PM time. Life would be a little too easy, a couple minutes early.

Check out the laundry mat on my way home, no one in there. Great. Closes at 9. I still have clean clothes, just have to get some more clean ones for the next week so I don't have to worry about doing wash when I get home after a 20 hour drive to Missouri.

I know how to get there. I've been all over this country. Just head west on the 78 and follow the signs. Simple. I'll get a map just in case.

I get home, let the dog out. Forgot that I have to get someone to watch the dog. I'll just drop him of at mom's. Joe is a good dog. I'm glad I got him to keep me company. Gotta get the rest of that laundry done. Still have that suitcase.

I head over to the laundromat, put in my clothes and sit there for a while. No Janet.

Clothes are clean, we're ready for the ride.