Dear Question Mark?

Dear Questioning Goddess of All Quests of Constant Second Guessing,

*(Inserting NDA clause for you to sign and return or is that too pushy?)*

I am resigning. I am so done with staying up until the wee hours of the night wondering if I did the right thing or if I should have said something stronger, more bold, or clearly decisive. I'm just so sick of chewing these chalky tummy pills for an acidic stomach, (could it be too much Prosecco but not an option to discuss here). YOU giant flippin' HUH? (??????) Popping up in my dreams, manifesting as strangers in bars and old ladies in the produce department staring at me? What is the deal? Guess what? I so quit! I am exhausted with your tormenting my decisions. You heard me: MINE! I never wanted to answer to your bullying my choices, your arrogance and ridiculous disguises. I dare you just waltz right into my head at midnight after I have taken a diazepam and melatonin stirring up my insecurities like a bowl of late night munchies. Leave me alone.

I stood up and said "NOPE" today yet you weasel in as always then tinker about in the grey matter of my brain until I get up at 2 a.m. and stare in the fridge. You've been part of my self made enterprise for so long I began to think you were the C.E.O., the ultimate mind maker upper until last night. You crossed a line. You made me question myself, the one piece of you that gave you a role in the first place. Am I the creator of my own neurotic boss? That's heavy. You're heavy. Together we're just a bad fit. So, without further adieu, adios. I am choosing to believe in my choices. When I sleep tonight I will dream of my freedom of speech, my ability to ruffle feathers and comfort strangers. Without question, I am on the right path. I know we've been down this long and winding road before and I have always returned to your cute little bubble above my head, your so very sweetly shaped form and winking dot at the bottom: ? Just look at you! I am over-adulting now being sixty-two and use you way too often. I want to firmly know that there are lots of other people out there who can replace me.

I even questioned one last time as I wrote this if I truly need to make this break: I so do. If I don't like the way someone treats me, tell them so and their reaction is all boo-hooey (is boo-hooey a word?) then am I responsible to comfort them? There I go again. Separation of two like minds is no easy effort, eh? I tried to remember when I first started questioning, like officially. I think it was when a friend at camp did this horrible thing, stabbing me in the back by stealing my camp crush away to the pool side and showing him my diary. My diary was full of hearts, drawings and dreams of holding hands by the campfire with said boy. I had trusted everyone up until that day. On the last day of camp I asked her to take a photo of me with my cool Brownie camera and crush boy. When the photos came back I grabbed the package from my mother and rushed to my room. You know what? There he stood beside me on my left, his right arm tossed around my shoulder and the other hand pulling my diary out from under his shirt. He'd read it all! She was not my friend! I never trusted my instincts after that when it came to friendships. I just need to stop this unhealthy relationship with myself. You understand. Right?

Sincerely,

My Alter Ego (or?)

P.S. I really hope I didn't hurt your feelings or my feelings or upset anyone as my intentions were to simply resign without any big blow up. If there is something I need to explain further I am open to questions.