May The Cakes be with You

"What the hell are you munching on now? The play's about to start!" Rosie whispered harshly at Robert and scowled.

"That hippy parent with the dreads was selling homemade Rocky Road," Robert replied. "Oh, don’t be such a misery luv, it all goes towards the school funds."

"Here!" He broke a chunk off between his teeth, and offered it to her. A thick chocolate crumb rolled down onto his shirt.

Rosie’s super extended lashes began fluttering like a dragonfly escaping a fire. She was just about to let loose on him big time, when the Star Wars theme blared out harshly on the schools archaic speaker system.

Robert looked over to side of the stage and noticed the Head Teacher, Miss Stokes, was wearing a white dress robe and had Princess Leah hair buns in. “Ooh …sexy,” he thought to himself, chewing on a very syrupy piece of marshmallow. He suddenly felt a bit strange, like he might pass out.

"Look Robert, look! It’s our little Johnny. Doesn’t he make a great Luke Skywalker? It was definitely worth the hundred bucks I paid for the costume."

When Robert turned to vent at Rosie's spending, she appeared to be completely green in the face, with weird horns protruding from her head. "What in the name of fuck!" He looked around at the audience. It was suddenly full of strange intergalactic beings.

To his left, a strange hammer headed creature was sucking Pepsi out of a paper cup with a foot long straw. Robert slapped himself hard in the face. "This can’t be happening! Oh God, what the hell is going on?" Then Robert heard his son's voice on the stage.

"No! you are not my father. I will never turn to the dark side Vader, NEVER!"

He watched his son and little Darth Vader pull out their Lightsabers in unison. Their green and red beams clashed together, sparks flying around the stage, almost setting fire to the cardboard Death Star behind them.

While Jabba the Hut stuffed his face with popcorn in the front row, little Vader took a sudden swipe at Johnny’s arm. It was completely severed off and fell to the floor.

‘NOOOOOOOOOOOO!’ Robert leapt up from his chair in distress, then suddenly felt very woozy. He passed out and collapsed on to the floor.

"Robert … Robert …can you hear me? … Robert, for goodness sake wake up!"

As he opened his eyes, he could make out Rosie's wispy lashes. Then he heard lots of shouting in the background. When he managed to sit up, he noticed the police were inside the school hall and had someone cuffed on the ground. He could just make out some dreadlocks. It was the hippy parent that sold him the Rocky Road!

"I’m ever so sorry Robert." Miss Stokes sat down beside him looking guilty. "If I’d known he was a drug dealer, I wouldn’t have let him make the cakes for the school fundraiser! I guess one of his hallucinogens must have found it’s way into your Rocky Road. Who will I get to make the cakes now?"

Robert suddenly had a vision of Miss Stokes in a white dress robe with Princess Leah buns in her hair. Then he looked up at his angry scowling wife.

"Actually Miss Stokes. I’m a great cake maker. When can I start?"