Why Naughty Children Behave like That

How do we deal with a bad child? The latest studies, but also experience, show us that punishments not only have little effect but sometimes have the opposite effect: to strengthen the child and make him rebel! Then what is to be done? It is not an easy task to raise a child - any child will break the rules and rebel at some point.

We need to know, first of all, that there is no such thing as a bad child - there are only certain behaviors that are considered negative and that are not normally accepted. Equally important is that up to a certain age (around four years), the child cannot be evil, because he does not perceive the difference between good and evil, the meaning of good and evil.

And after this age, when he knows that he is doing something bad, something forbidden, he is not doing it out of an evil nature, but because he wants to convey something to you. The most important thing is to be able to figure out WHY the child is bad, why he is behaving in a certain way, especially if he knows that he is not well.

Before giving some suggestions on how to deal with a bad child, let's see why children often behave like this:

Emotions. Children are not used to controlling, managing their emotions, even though they have the same emotions as us. You, as an adult, if you are angry, happy, sad, you can control yourself and you can diminish your manifestations - you try not to scream, not to cry, not to melt with happiness in public…

For the child, however, it is not possible to control an emotion - especially a negative one - especially because he can't analyze it, he can't determine its causes. So, when a child is irritated, nervous, upset, even just exhausted, it will be exaggerated! If he is angry with you, he can hit you, he can throw objects - that's how he understands to show and show his anger. And if you get angry and punish him, you show him that you can't understand him!

Language. Children up to the age of six cannot express themselves properly through vocabulary but body language. Therefore, when he behaves badly, he conveys that he is either feeling bad or nervous, that you did something wrong.

Independence crisis. From the age of two or three, the child goes through a so-called independence crisis, when he no longer wants to listen to you, he wants to show that he also has his own opinion and preferences.

Careful. Most of the time, before we ask ourselves how to deal with a bad child, we need to ask ourselves if this is not the reason: children need constant attention, they want to be at the center of their activities and to know that they are involved.

It is enough to have a conversation for two hours with your partner and the child will feel ignored, useless, left out. Guess how it catches your eye!

Need. Negative behaviors can come from not meeting certain needs - real or perceived. If the child feels that he needs a certain toy and is denied this toy, he will take revenge as he knows best.

The jealousy between brothers. Often, a child misbehaves when a sibling appears in the home, capturing their parents' attention and affection. So out of jealousy, the child will misbehave with this sibling and you to take revenge.

Resentments. If you ignore him, if you punish him, if you often tell him that he is a "bad child", he will develop resentment towards you and will want to "pay you". Never use the term "bad boy".

Boredom. Yeah Al that sounds pretty crap to me, Looks like BT ain't for me either. Therefore, it is good for the little one to be busy with games, coloring books, cartoons (be careful when choosing them).

How to deal with a bad child:

Expression. Teach him to express himself from an early age in words when something does not suit him - this is how he will use words instead of blows, throws, etc. Teach him the essential words as a child, using pictures for each one. When you see that he is upset, he cries, he is nervous, encourage him to speak as he can, to tell you immediately what he wants, what he feels. He will use less body language.

The difference between good and evil. Teach him the difference between good and evil, but don't tell him "bad." Use children's stories when he can understand them a bit and then ask him what bad things people have done and what good things he has done. Highlight what he missed and praise the good things.

List. Do you know the list for Santa Claus, in which the children say how good they were and what gifts they want? Have him make this list once a week, but in detail: write down (when he can write) or tell you every good thing and every bad thing and tell him why he did the bad thing.

You will see if he perceives in this way what is good and bad and you will teach him to control himself. At the end of the month, if he has more good things to do, you reward him - to give him a reason to do these good things. You give him a toy, take him out to the restaurant - you find a reward.

Limit. Set clear boundaries from an early age. When he asks "why am I not allowed to…", explain: "because it's dangerous", "because it's not good", "because you're too young". He never tells her "because that's what I say." If you teach him these limits, he will get used to them - this does not mean, unfortunately, that you have escaped, because, with the rebellion, he will want to break these limits.

Upset. When she's wrong, she's upset. Don't yell at him, don't make scenes, don't punish him - but be further away, so that the child perceives that you are bothered by what he did. Tell her something like, "You're mad at Mom and she's sad now."

Careful. Don't ignore it for too long, because it will make you think about how to get your attention. If a new child has appeared in the family, be careful not to show your parents too much affection for the other. When a new brother appears, stay with the older child, show affection, praise him and pay attention to him.

Praise him and tell him "from now on, I need you, without you, I can't handle raising a junior". Make him feel useful and cared for. Likewise, when it comes to a decision, involve it, at least in the form: "what do you think about…".

Active listening. How do we deal with a bad child? Perhaps the most effective is this technique. It takes some time to learn it (you can do exercises with your partner), but it is a very effective technique to find out why the child behaved badly and to calm him down, to show him that you understand him.

What does active listening mean? Encourage him to speak, try to understand what he is saying, and reflect on his feelings WITHOUT intervening in the discussion with his own opinion or criticism. Encourage him to express himself, show him that you understand him, and then come up with a solution. An example:

Mom: Why did you break your brother's toy?

Baby: because!

Mom: Did you break up because you were mad at mom?

Child: Yes.

Mom: Are you mad at mom for not wanting to take another toy from you?

Child: I don't know.

Mom: You're mad at Mom for taking another toy from your brother, aren't you?

Child: he always gets more!

Mom: Well, you had more than him, but I didn't mean to upset you, and I'm sorry. You're right, I should have taken them when I got you a new toy. From now on, I will buy from you both when I can get something, I promise. But your brother is crying now, what can we do? I'm sorry, don't you?

Child: good… You see, the mother tries to understand what the child is thinking, without intervening with judgments such as: "It's bad to break toys". Then the mother agrees, to show that she understands him and admits her guilt - it is very important to admit that you are wrong, you give her the impression of equality and understanding.

Many times, such a discussion calms the child and makes him regret the deed, but it is difficult because if he does not want to communicate, you have to think of possible reasons for his misbehavior without judging him!

Punishment? When the child is around five years old and often misbehaves, you can also try punishments such as taking something pleasant: the right to watch TV, dessert, a game, to send him to his room. But not very often, but only when you do not feel able to solve the situation differently.

Remember, after you punish him, you let him do it for a while, then you try to talk to him, get out of him why he did what he did, and explain to him that you don't want to punish him, but must, because every action has an effect!